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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Due-Text7442 on 2023-08-18 20:08:29+00:00.
My (18F) boyfriend (19M) refuses to tone down his cussing around me.
I grew up in a household where there was no cursing allowed, and so naturally I don’t cuss that often. I don’t see it as bad or sinful (I’m not really religious), but I do not like it when someone is using fuck or shit every other sentence. My boyfriend is constantly cursing, saying a swear word almost every other sentence. I have told him many times that I don’t like how often he cusses around me. We have had 2 talks about it. In the last one, I told him that I’m okay with him cursing around his friends, family, and anyone else, and I’m not trying to change his personality. I just want him to tone it down when he’s talking to me. He said he would maybe work on it.
Today, when we were on the phone, he cussed like 6 times in 2 sentences, just telling a casual story. I asked him to please tone it down. Then, I said, “instead of saying ‘he’s so fucking cool’, maybe you could say ‘he’s really cool’ or something like that.” He said that was stupid. I told him that it’s really not that much to ask to tone it down around me.
In response, he said that I’m trying to change his personality and was like, “do you want me to make a seperate personality for you when I’m talking to you?” I told him that’s not what I was asking at all and that he was twisting things. I said that he didn’t respect me or my values if he wouldn’t even try to tone it town. It turned into an argument and he said I was insulting him. I don’t think I was. I told him he was being immature and he flipped out.
I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want him cussing so much around me, and I really don’t feel like this is too much to ask. As I’m typing this out, he used my words against me and said this:
“ I told you i dont like when you bite your nails. you are being disrespectful by still biting your nails so much. do it on your own, thats fine, but the fact that you do it around me is extremely disrespectful, especially because i have asked you multiple times to not. i know you said that you were working on it and wanted to get better, but your actions show otherwise and that you dont care at all, which is extremely disrespectful. the fact that you're not responding and making me feel heard when i am voicing my concerns is extremely immature. youre negatively reinforcing me ever telling you my concerns and being immature”
I said almost all of that about him cussing. He is currently using my own words against me. I don’t know what to do, reddit, am I being unreasonable by asking him to tone it down around me?? Should I just let it go? I feel really disrespected and unheard.
TL;DR: my boyfriend refuses to tone down his cussing around me, and started an argument over it. Is this too much to ask??