this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2024
324 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

16243 readers
789 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16157729

Idaho bar celebrates "Heterosexual Awesomeness Month" with free beer for straight men

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 99 points 11 months ago

This totally sounds like a plot for an It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode where Mac tries to prove his heterosexuality

[–] [email protected] 96 points 11 months ago (3 children)

So two gays could just come in and say they are friends and get two free beers?

But straight women couldn't get it for free

I guess it's more: "we only want men"

[–] [email protected] 80 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I guess it's more: "we only want men"

That sounds a bit gay NGL.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago

"NGL" in Idaho = "Not Gay LOL"?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I used to work in the trades. I was surrounded by straight-acting men. There's nothing more gay than a group of straight-acting men.

Unfortunately it's the creepy, repressed kind of gay that would make a tolerate person's skin crawl.

I feel awful for their wives and children.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

I stumbled over a community at lemmynsfw.com called "rough trade" or something similar. Those tradesmen were so straight they weren't afraid to let their buddy rest his cock in their mouth.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 63 points 11 months ago (9 children)

Do they know that there are also straight women, or have they just not been shown any interest from them?

[–] [email protected] 47 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Real manly men only think about other manly men.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

But only in a completely hetero way wink wink nudge nudge

[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago

They begrudgingly accept they exist, but they're working on at least removing all their rights.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

they have no interest in women.

wink.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That's like free beer for your dog or kitchen stove. Here in Idaho, we try not to anthropomorphize our property.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 55 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

It's clearly a bicep.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 11 months ago (14 children)

Events the conservative carpetbagger is hawking include “Truth seeker” nights, “Conspiracy Theory Trivia” with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle as a prize, “Open Carry Coffee” mornings with holstered handguns, and “Worship Nights” along with Bible study groups and a “Christian Singles Mingle” mixer.

A “Nefarious Vaccine Agenda” event and an upcoming “NASA Lies and Flat Earth” presentation fill out the bar’s way-out bill of fare.

Hate to disappoint, sir, but this was one bar my queer ass was never going to end up in anyway.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago

with an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle as a prize

Geeeeeee, I wonder why gun crimes are so rampant in 'Murica compared to ~anywhere else in the world. I really have no idea! I hope someone figures this out eventually!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago

Do these people not realize they're caricatures? That people are laughing at them?

How can someone have so little self awareness

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I dont know, free beer and a flat earth exposé could be pretty entertaining.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

Not gonna lie, while all that shit is insane, they're being pretty clever with their promotions. The best you'd get from most bars is a karaoke night or discount prime rib night.

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] [email protected] 40 points 11 months ago (4 children)

How do you prove your sexuality to others?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You have to make out with the bartender for 5 minutes and then they check to see whether you've gotten a boner or not.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago (2 children)

But if I don't get one, how do they know if I'm hetero or just asexual?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago

Asexual people don't exist in MAGALand, silly!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You have to stare at the bar tender's gaping arsehole for 30 seconds without getting an erection. It's the only way to be sure.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Next month: pink eye awareness month!

Edit: Court ordered pink eye awareness month

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago (1 children)

This seems onion-y to me. I hope y'all agree.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 27 points 11 months ago

Technically a gay couple is twice as manly as a hetero couple.

Not really related to the story, I just like that fact.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Oh, look... a sausage fest. As an actual straight male - no fucking thank you.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Sure does sound like a bunch of participation trophy holders and snowflakes in there. You know, the exact shit they bitch about.

Aww is little Billy Rae Bob Timmy John upset that he isn't getting enough attention? Poor poor Billy Rae Bob Timmy John, just jack that pristine ~~Identity Accessory~~ pickup truck up another 4' and roll more coal, you'll get all the attention I promise!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago (1 children)

just a bunch straight christuan men touching their guns and reading the bible

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago

This seems to track for Idaho. Super large Mormon and white supremacies population there

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (11 children)

Honestly, I'd love to have more healthy representation of straights.

We never went anywhere, we are the majority, and most of us here in Gen X and Gen Z have nothing against LGBTQ+ people.

Yet when we see any hetero activism, it's mostly about screwing LGBTQ+ people over, not showing the beauty and variety of hetero relationships, which is not only the traditional nuclear family.

This skews many people's perception of what hetero relationships are and/or allowed to be. There is so much in there, all sorts of dynamics, all sorts of approaches, a beautiful spectre of whatever it can be.

And this is something to be celebrated - along with the beauty and awesomeness of LGBTQ+, not as an opposition.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 11 months ago (6 children)

As a straight man, I feel like I've been represented plenty and still am in media. What exactly are you looking for that you aren't seeing? There are thousands of years of representation, still continuing to this day. Don't get me wrong, free beer is awesome but not sure why anyone feels unrepresented as a straight person.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The answer is the old chestnut,

"When you are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression."

People like those you're responding to often see the world as a zero-sum game. If LGBTQ+ people carve out -- or in this case, demand -- representation for themselves, they believe that representation must take away "representation points" or whatever from some other group.

Frankly, Pride is the one time of year it's okay to tell these people to shut the fuck up and sit down.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (3 children)

While I don't disagree with what you said in theory, what's stopping you from having these conversations? Is there a fear of losing your friends if you talk about these issues? What about your job, house, family, or even your life? These are real fears for a lot of queer people, still to this day, even in places like the UK and USA.

There's plenty of media out there that discusses non nuclear relationships for straight people. It's not always mainstream, but it exists. There's still very little for queer people that doesn't have to also tell the story of the bigotry and fear we face on the regular.

Please have your discussions, but rather than not having anything against us, have our backs when our rights and our lives are in jeopardy.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (9 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (4 children)

how do they verify if you're a straight man or not? What's to stop me from just getting a free beer?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (2 children)

They jerk you off at the entrance. If you look like you're not enjoying it, you're in. It's watertight 👌

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm actually really happy for them that they've never been persecuted for their sexual orientation!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

They have in their imaginations.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

This article is lies. Its not a Boise bar, its in Eagle.

Boise is better than this. There are pride flags on the buildings on one street that has all the good bars.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

It’s a trap!

load more comments
view more: next ›