this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2024
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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.

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[–] [email protected] 140 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 111 points 11 months ago (1 children)

More like a broth-el πŸ₯Έ

[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Fuck off lmao. I love these but feel like such an idiot when I laugh at them.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

Me too. I laughed like a maniac at it and then felt bad I had no one to share the joke with.

[–] [email protected] 90 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A man that has his own place and can cook? Hell I'd be eating there in no time.

[–] [email protected] 74 points 11 months ago (1 children)

As a dude with his own place who cooks almost every day and generally has some leftover homemade barbecue, it definitely works. I just don't want people over at my house.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (1 children)

As a German dude, 6 bottles of Bavarian beer should count as an invitation to a fine pal auch as you. Do we have a deal xD

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

As a drunk, that sounds like a great deal. If you want barbecue you'll have to wait for the weather to clear up. If you don't mind slow cooker pulled pork, I plan on using the leftovers from yesterday to make carnitas tacos with onions, cilantro, and homemade avocado salsa this evening before I go get sloppy drunk at open mic night.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

Full disclosure: I did something different. Instead of onions and cilantro with an avocado salsa I made pico, added avocado chunks, and plopped that on top of my crisped up pulled pork with extra spices.

But the German with beer didn't drop by so I guess it doesn't matter. I'm very sad now.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (6 children)

He's not wrong. I've brought women home many times by cooking for them. Guys, learn a few easy recipes and you won't regret it. My go to is chicken and broccoli alfredo or carbonara fettuccine.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Nothing sexier than a belly full of cream and cheese.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My favorite go to recipe is a lentil soup with spinach, lime, coconut milk, and curry. It's really refreshing, especially after a hard day of carrying bridges across the Shattered Plains.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago

Always a risk that airsick lowlanders may not like it though

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

That sounds delicious, and healthy!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Found Benjamin Sisko's account.

But yeah, even simple cooking is great.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

Found Benjamin Sisko’s account.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Crock pot stew is barely any effort too

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Yet they taste so good on a winter day

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

When I was dating that was basically my go-to reason for inviting someone over, but that usually was at least 3-5 dates in. Usually we'd have eaten at cool restaurants where we've had full blown conversations about food, and where I'll have introduced the idea that I'm a great cook who knows what I'm doing, and then at a certain point I'd offer my place for a dinner date, and then show off. And we'd already be alone at my place so it wasn't that much of a stretch for them to stay over.

Honestly I don't know how I would've approached dating if I didn't know how to cook.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I tried that once. She ate my Thai curry, made polite conversation, and left.
Still a nice evening, though.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

Maybe she hates curry

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Try roasting the broccoli first, assuming you don't already.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Good suggestion. I usually steam them since I like the florets still crunchy. I'll try roasting next time!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

It brings out a whole new world of flavor. Truly surprising. Just toss with a little olive oil and bake at 450 degrees for 15 minutes or so.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 11 months ago (2 children)

A girl once asked my friend and I if she could make us an omelette. We'd never met her before, but said yeah why not. We went back to our flat, like 1AM, she made us an omelette and then left. Never saw her again. Bizarre. Good omelette though.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

You've been visited by the Omelette du Goblin. Pay tribute with a Dexter's Lab short or be visited one again.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

When someone offers to make you an omelette, you can expect a reasonably good omelette

[–] [email protected] 37 points 11 months ago

By the way, my name is Stu

[–] [email protected] 33 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Then you follow him home, the door opens and another guy shakes your hand and says "Hi, I'm Stu."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

violent story, cannibalism, gunshot, satire, fbi agentIt turns out that "this dude" is a serial killer and cannibal.

Stu, who has been his roommate for the past month, and Angela, who may soon be dead, are both terrified upon realizing this.

The man-eater locks the door, trapping them.

β€” Well, well, well... look at what we have here! Fresh meat. β€” he says, menacingly.

Little did the man know that Stu was actually an FBI agent sent to investigate cannibals. Sounds of gunshot are heard from the cannibal's home. Stu saves the day yet again. The end. And everyone clapped, menacingly.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

this comment felt like i got punched in the chest

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago

Used to be a cook and I can't tell you how often "going out is expensive, I could cook you something better" used to work in my youth

[–] [email protected] 18 points 11 months ago

"it worked on me too" - OP is slightly ambiguous about how the story ends.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Hands off my stew, harlot!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

Hands off my harlot, Stu!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago

You may fascinate a woman with a bowl of stew.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That's kinda creepy. Was his friend's name Bill Cosby?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Couldn't be. OP remembers it in the morning, so it wasn't Rohypnol Stew.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

regrettably