this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2024
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I don't know what I like (lemmy.world)
submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
16 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Hi, I'm flying home for my birthday (moved out of state for work, then lost my job, and been unemployed for 4 months). My mom asked what I would like her to make me for my birthday dinner, and I have no clue what to ask for. I'm just at a loss because I don't know what I like. I'm not picky, but if left to my own devices would eat mueslix for months at a time. I hate feeling attention, and worst of all pity... But that is the primary feeling when I return to my mothers home. I feel lost and trapped, as more if my life falls through my fingers like a hand desperately grasping into dry sand. Everything feels wrong and I hate that I agreed to come home at all.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I know exactly how you feel. Both the indecision, confusion even, over simple choices and the sense of sinking in quicksand - or better yet, as you say it, grasping for sand. I feel that often, both in terms of smaller moments and bigger-picture life direction stuff. And I also hate attention, so I hate birthdays.

I wish I had good advice, or could tell you that it will get better, but at least know that I know how you feel. I know it's not worth much, but you're not alone.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

Thank you for the love and support all.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

"I'm not picky Mom, but thanks so much for asking."

[–] [email protected] 34 points 7 months ago (6 children)

Too late on that one, I'm not thinking straight. Replied with "can you make me something that you enjoy making?"

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago

That's the best response, imho

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago

That's a pretty good answer tho

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

That's perfect.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Yeah dude, you crushed it

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

That's a good answer and an honest one. Hopefully she'll be receptive.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

That’s actually a terrific response! Kudos.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Damn. You did better than I would have. Lol.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Regarding not knowing what you like, I feel the same. I started doing a list this year of things I like, and now I can answer that question much better.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Sorry you feel that way. Just know that if you do choose something and tell her you’d like to have it for the birthday dinner, it doesn’t actually have to be something you love or like, your mom is just looking for some ideas and in the end whatever she puts together - either by your input or what she comes up with on her own, she’s making it with love and it will taste great. The dinner is less about the specific dish and it’s more a chance for her to share some time with you and give you some attention to show she loves you. It’s ok to be loved and ok to have some attention, especially from your mom.

You guys are family and she’s a person too and she loves her son. Let her know how you feel if you like, but remember she’s only doing what seems normal to her to celebrate the occasion with her son and maybe even make a positive happy memory or two for you both to look back on when you guys are apart again.

Going back home will probably make you regress a little too since it brings back a lot of feelings of childhood that you’ve now left behind, so keep that in mind because those can subconsciously affect you but if you try stay in the moment and see you mom as a person in your life that loves you and genuinely cares about you it can help.

All the best and Happy Birthday.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

When you define yourself as having a problem then it means you have been fooled by the illusion of your thoughts. When you are thinking about your 'problems', you are not aware of yourself or your surroundings. Learn to live in the moment, don't let your mind dominate your life experience. Try meditation, walks in nature, learn a musical instrument, take up a martial art, exercise. Any activity that grounds you in the present experience. Cultivate this ability and your life will transform. Extend your abilities further by finding peace in the presence of others. Even a screaming child in a restaurant, it's just a sound. When you quiet your mind, you no longer judge this and that good or bad. After all, there are no ugly trees ☮️

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Seems like the eating thing is resolved, I can't really help you with the decision problems because I struggle with that as well (sometimes if I oscillate between two options I literally roll a dice) but if you feel sad and need to talk you can pm me :)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Totally understand. Same issue. But I get disregarded as being a "woman, who can never make up their mind".

False. I'm just not picky. If I feel like something from somewhere you wanna go, I'll get inspired then.

...I did end up finding out I hate mango. Now I am teased about that. 🙃