The Onion

6014 readers

1252 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

675

Noted philanthropist Donald Trump makes buying stocks affordable to all Americans through kind-hearted economic crash (newsthump.com)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

“With the near trillion dollar sell-off on the Nasdaq alone earlier yesterday, the rapid devaluing of assets has allowed the American public unparalleled access to cheap stocks and shares on the market.”

Economic spokesman for the White House, Chuck Williams, claimed, “People use words like slump, looming economic depression, lowest recorded IQ of any president ever, as though they’re bad things.

all 10 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago

i always fall down with laughter when u guys do stuff like this!

Please keep it up!

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's true though, there's a fire sale going on.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

There's a falling knife going on, with the floor nowhere near.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

Caught this one right away when they used "philanthropist" and "Trump" in the same sentence, and it wasn't "Trump is not a philanthropist".

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I wish I could buy stocks right now…

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

We have no idea how far the market will crash.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Give it two more weeks and everybody will be able to!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Good to see a bona fide Onion article instead of the ‘we have the Onion at home’ slop every other media outlet has been pushing lately. Brings a tear to the eye.