The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
Owners want the workforce as small as possible. Literally.
Pretty sure this is how my parents view me.
I've been doing translations for my mom since I was a teen, the wonders of a first-generation immigrant family. 🫠
Parents don't know how to file taxes, they made me do it for them, so they can save money from having to pay an accountant.
Like, wtf dude, I barely underatand taxes myself. I don't even understand my ancestral language enough to have the right vocabulary to translate it. Some day, the IRS and gonna audit the mistakes I made then my mom will yell at me for fucking up their taxes. Like what did you expect, mom.
And like all the bussiness licenses that she had to apply for, I had to file all those applications and stuff.
Every phone call with customer service of banks, utility, phone, internet, mail, like everything.
So tedious.
But yea she keep bringing up how she gave birth to me, so I "owe" her this.
Yea okay mom, maybe you're right. Don't blame me if you get an IRS audit.
(Sorry if this is kinda going on a tangent, kinda wanna "off my chest" this)
she gave birth to me, so I “owe” her this
That sounds like a contract. you didn't make a contract. That's a con :)
It's actually backward, it should be that she was so good to you over the years that you "WANT" to help her with all of this.
P.S. she WILL blame for for the IRS audit.
How do you owe her for something she decided to do? You had no say in the matter.
Im not a first gen immigrant, but I was by far the most computer and technically competent person in my family, and extended family, for a long time.
I was just expected to fix and solve everyone's idiot based problems.
And then one day it dawned on me that these people were calling me mid work, while out on dates, to do tech support for them, and that it I didn't respond within 24 hours, they'd instead yell at me about how expensive it was for them to take their computer in to a repair shop.
... Why am I doing hundreds of hours of unpaid labor a year, and being treated like I am on call for an unpaid internship, for nearly 20 years?
Stopped responding to their IT support demands, within 3-6 months they thought I was having some kind of depressive episode, ended up just fucking ghosting them and moving to another state after a whole bunch of other dumb bullshit a bunch of them did.
... Never had better baseline mental health since I've abandoned my criminal idiot clown family.
Anyway, thats all a traumadump attempt at commiserating, I think I feel/felt a similar pain as you.
That's the plot of Everything Everywhere All At Once
The children yearn for the mines.
Perhaps they can jockey tens of thousands of screaming, shit covered chickens?
just wait until it's "totally legal" for corporations to "adopt" orphans
Adopt Orphans?
Your contract states that anything you create while employed at [COMPANY NAME] is the sole property of [COMPANY NAME], you're lucky you're allowed a generous 0.25% caretaker stipend for the child that's been a complete leech on resources for the last 9 months...
Dude don't give them ideas.
I'll believe a corporation is a person when Texas ~~kills one through lethal injection~~ lets one adopt a child.
They are people....
The orphans?
Nah, not them...
Pretty sure this is what happened in Oliver Twist
I just realized that the teacher in the pic has a wonderful derrière.
Anywho…