this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2025
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[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 days ago (2 children)

29 days "lost" at sea, is therapy for all of the external bullshit we deal with every fucking day.

By "we" I mean people in society, not just men. Everyone struggles with making their way in "this world" we built for ourselves. We made it to be this horrible.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I watch some trash reality TV and always find it kind of funny how contestants spend a long amount of time internalizing the stress of the situation the show they agreed to be on is putting on them.

Half of Love Island is “Why did you kiss them?” “Why did you go on a date with that person?” “Why did you break up with me?” Guys it’s a SHOW. The SHOW is making you go through these completely unnatural circumstances!

And then I think about real life and it’s like “why don’t I have energy? why am I so depressed? why can’t I be more productive?” …guys it’s CAPITALISM/SOCIETY. SOCIETY is making you go through these completely unnatural circumstances!

…except of course I didn’t agree to be on this show.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

None of us did.

I didn't get a say in whether or not to be born. I'm just here now and I have to deal with all of this shit.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

When I was deployed it was nice, I didn't have bullshit to worry about. I did my job, I ate, I took shits, and I slept.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (5 children)

The environment we created for ourselves takes advantage of our evolution and uses our biology against us.

Food is drowned in sugar to get us addicted. Social media is designed to keep us angry and upset. Entertainment is a recycled polished turd, designed to take no risks and challenge nothing and leave us only with shallow amusement.

We are losing our respect for the profound, our empathy for the other, and our curiosity for the unknown.

We have made a world of numbing poison for ourselves. A 29 day separation sounds like the most powerful “therapy” we could have tbh.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

i was a camp host for a summer and it was possibly the best summer of my life. no power, no water, no internet, minimal contact with people, cleaning toilets, and spending half of my day in a kayak.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago

That sounds like a great way to spend a summer. I wouldn't mind running water but I'd probably learn to appreciate it after not having it for a few months.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Damn, that is well said. This sentence in particular:

We are losing our respect for the profound, our empathy for the other, and our curiosity for the unknown.

is the kind of thing that sounds like an empty platitude when your mind/life is in a bad state, but after a few years of progress and healing I read that line and wish I could adequately express the years of reflection and learning that can be distilled down to such a short statement.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Thanks stranger.

I think a lot about daily life and the systems we’ve built and the way people treat each other and think about existence, and how we’ve changed and over time… or haven’t.

We’re advancing so much faster than we’re evolving.

I think that’s causing problems :/

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Theraphy, when it works, only solves internal causes of one's pain.

29 days away from present day society, will for a while suspend the external causes of one's pain.

(Which is why the former usually doesn't fully solve everything: the external shit, which often is what indirectly created much of the internal shit via things like trauma and coping mechanisms, is still there and pushing you)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

I'm considering hard getting "lost" forever.

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[–] [email protected] 87 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Oh fuck off. Therapy won’t help with… *gestures at everything*

[–] [email protected] 56 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Agreed. It’s more like “people would rather be lost at sea than live in a modern society”.

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[–] [email protected] 181 points 2 days ago (4 children)

No, we'd rather be lost at sea than have to participate in the broken society that makes people need therapy.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

I lack the photoshop skills, but uh

The 'plap plap GET PREGNANT' meme, but with a therapist shouting:

'accept what you can't change'

'don't blame yourself for things out of your control'

'oh, the copay is $125'

'you missed the last appointment so we charged you for not canceling in advance'

'im worried you're not taking our sessions seriously'

sorry psych professionals, there is no ethical therapy under capitalism

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Quit crying. You'll be fine. Don't be such a crybaby. Man up. Put on your big boy pants. Boys don't cry. Boo hoo, gonna cry about it? Gonna cry like a little girl? Be a man. Face your problems like a man. Crying doesn't help anything. Take it like a man. Don't be a baby. You're acting like a girl. Grow a pair. Suck it up and move on.

Why will men do literally anything besides talk about their feelings?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 20 hours ago

There's a community here on lemmy to counter that.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago (5 children)

To be fair it's also men doing this to other men mostly. Women participate in toxic masculinity too, but really, men give each other a lot of shit with very little support.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Without giving away my age (But I do predates smart phones and home internet use), I've found men are perfectly fine with venting assuming the setting is right. Small group? Beer? Sure. Something embarrassing happens in the moment? Not so much.

Its everyone but your male friends who will give you shit for showing any emotion but anger.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago (2 children)

For sure, women usually say they want a man who can show his feelings. It's just that the second he does cry about anything other than a dead child, she gets the ick and loses all respect for him, in my personal experience. I think they talk a big game but when the chips are down they find out they're not actually as into it as they thought.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago

anecdotally, as a guy in my thirties, even my acquaintances (wouldn't actually consider them friends tbh, since we only hang out at rec game times) are quite supportive. sure there's the surface level of shit talk, but if you start to get serious, they do too. a few of them surprised me with this.

in my experience nowadays, it's equally just shitty people of any gender that say suck it up, no real bias one way or another

but that's of course just my own circles. I tend to just drop out of (or not join in the first place) any circle that has shitty people

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

In my experience, when a man complains about their 'men' problems to anyone online they're given the treatment grueling_spool is describing by both men and women.

But in more "insulated" face to face conversations its pretty varied/mixed. I suspect this is mostly an "all to all" online conversation effect. There are people who are absolutely ruthless online towards men complaining about problems men specifically face and they will find complaining men and mock them.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

I think I probably agree with your assessment, but I really just wanted to highlight that this thinking is endemic to western culture, or at least the slice of it with which I am familiar. Sure, a lot of people might not say things like this face-to-face, but you probably wouldn't be shocked if you witnessed it, would you?

Just like with any other harmful idea, all it takes is one person in a room to say it loudly and persistently while everyone else says nothing (or fecklessly points out the person's gender as if dispensing some profound insight).

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

I read this as more "not having to experience the daily news for a month and being horrified".

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

did he have a volleyball with him.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Just goes to show how insane society has become that you'd rather go to therapy than take a 29 day break by being lost at sea.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 days ago

29 days away from reality is therapy.

There's a tiny town in northern California called Downieville that my wife and I love to visit. It's maybe 200 people, sits on the convergence of two decent sized rivers, and there is pretty much no cell service. Even just a week of sitting by that river is enough to fully recharge me and not want to break everything for at least 4 months.

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[–] zipzoopaboop 45 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Therapy doesn't help much if you have no power over the root cause

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

I hate how I understand this.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 days ago (6 children)

"men hate therapy"

Yeah not really. You just get beaten down after trying several therapists and paying a lot and not feeling better. Even if you went through that once, it's very discouraging.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I have a great therapist these days who has helped me a lot. I still hate therapy. I did finally figure out why, though. Because, with the exception of therapy and a couple of really great people, everyone I've ever been vulnerable in front of has weaponized it against me. So even though I know my therapist wouldn't actually do that I'm still waiting on it to come back and bite me.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

See but I had a psychiatrist as a kid that would literally report what I said to my mother (and not like harming others or myself like is legally required, just like, shit that I said I didn't like about my mom and then he'd tell her and she'd punish me about it.) Legally, he was allowed to do that since I was a child, I'm not now and so legally they can't even if they had her phone number, but now I can't trust them even if that distrust is slightly illogical. Double distrust due to incentive to make me return and keep paying, but y'know the childhood "trauma" (if you can call it that) of having it weaponized against me using the therapist is still there on that one too.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Reminds me of the plot line in early seasons of Mad Men where Betty would go to a shrink, then later that night Don would call the doc to see what all Betty said.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago

Been dumped by three women, the day after they saw me cry. Good news! My wife is fine with it, as rare as crying is, and comforts me. But y'all women don't have a good track record in my book.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Therapy has become the new buzzword to prescribe to any individualistic issue because most people don't know what it is or who its for, they just think it's a silver bullet solution to everything because everybody else says so... but it's not.

Therapy is great for specific people with specific disorders, it's there to help provide these people with solutions and treatments to improve their conditions. It's not meant to be a replacement for a social circle or to fix the problems in your life.

Not to mention that therapy is either expensive or hard to access or the therapist you do get to see are usually not that great. It is very hard and very rare to find a good therapist that's affordable and nearby. Even then, a therapist can only do so much. They're trained to work through common disorders using several established methods, but not much beyond that. Therapists can help you overcome your anxiety, but they can't help you find meaningful relationships.

This is doubly true for men, because a lot of men are facing issues related to finding purpose and meaning in life, and that's something that's beyond the scope of therapy. Maybe these issues could be resolved as a result of treating a disorder, but that's not always the case. The point is that therapy is not a magical solution, and it's not going to solve huge societal problems like men turning their backs on society.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (15 children)

You say men are turning their backs on society. I would argue it's the other way round. Modern society has lots of problems unfortunately, and can be quite hostile especially to men.

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Therepy - costs money, needs an appointment, takes time to work out issues.

Lost at sea - free, no appointment necessary, immediate relief from the burden of living under capitalism

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago (11 children)

This is therapy. if I could just drop out of everything for 29 days I’d come back refreshed and Zen as fuck.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

"lost at sea"

mf land right over there

????

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