this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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If someone wants to give up dating due to their looks, age or genetics (that includes mental state) that's a totally valid reason if you ask me. As long as it doesn't translate to misogyny no one will get hurt. However a lot of people seem to be ticked off by this idea, why?

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

The term black pill, first popularized in the 2010s on the incel blog Omega Virgin Revolt, refers to accepting the futility of fighting against a feminist system. Blackpilled incels are encouraged to either commit suicide or “go ER”/be a “hERo,” referencing Elliot Rodger’s 2014 Isla Vista murder spree that has been called an act of misogynistic terrorism.

(Source: Britannica)

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Can I just dislike anyone that uses colored pill references.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 22 hours ago

We don't use that word anymore.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

The polite phrasing is pills of color

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Yes because you’ve take the pill pill

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Well technically 'black' isn't a colour...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Dunno how old you are, but this is how children reply to this kind of thing. Just an fyi

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago

From my understanding, the "black pill community" is highly misogynistic and promotes self harm and mass violence / terrorism. I don't think anyone would care if it was just a bunch of guys deciding they didn't wanna date.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago

There's no ideology described as being "pilled" that's anything but toxic.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Huh? I've literally never once heard anyone criticize people who choose to be single or asexual. What are you talking about? You gotta go outside and touch grass man. Get off the Internet for a while.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 21 hours ago

To be fair, are there many conversations where that comes up at all unless someone in the conversation is an ace/aro person?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

there's a TON of hate/distrust for asexual people. "you are just ugly" "you just haven't met the right person" "why are you celebrating that you don't have sex? that's weird" etc.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

there’s a TON of hate/distrust for asexual people. “you are just ugly” “you just haven’t met the right person” “why are you celebrating that you don’t have sex? that’s weird” etc.

What kind of conversations are you having with people that would respond like this where they're learning about how much sex or not-sex you're having?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

literally any Instagram post about asexuality

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you're posting on the internet in a broadcast form (just as Instagram) about deeply intimate details of your life, you should not generally expect heartfelt nuanced discussion. You're going to get short attention span pithy responses (as your example shows) or harsh reactionary responses from fringe minority positions (also as your example shows).

Those are internet responses. Those are not representative of real life. This is what the prior poster was telling you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I've heard these in real life too, I just can't show proof of that

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Can I ask if you receive these opinions if it is after you share your positive views on "black pilling"?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

in what way did I share a positive view of it???

I think this is it. The difference between having a 'type' (normal) and being 'black-pilled' (weird) is the misogyny.

I said there's hate for my demographic and SHOWED PROOF, how you trying to say I'm wrong??

I genuinely don't understand what you're trying to say

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Get off the Internet for a while.

You first.

It's about the reason for choosing to be single. When you talk about how you won't date anymore because of your looks, people will take exception to that.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Stopping dating because of looks sounds misogynistic. It implies all women are superficial, which is simply not true. I know several cases of men that could be seen as ugly for different reasons, who had no problem to find a partner thanks to their personality.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Yeah.. Because that's not healthy at all.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I've only heard it used by and applied to incels who are only trying to twist the narrative of why they can't get laid. They aren't choosing to not date, they are just lying to themselves that they have chosen to be alone, when in reality they are just undateable asshats.

Aromantic and asexual people don't need to delude themselves into why they don't date. They might go the other way, tho, due to social pressure to be "normal." (IE deluding themselves that they NEED to date)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

I think this is it. The difference between having a 'type' (normal) and being 'black-pilled' (weird) is the misogyny.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

People who say they take the black pill haven't actually taken it yet

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago

Do incels have some core complaints with validity? Yeah, online dating has been designed specifically to make the majority of people using it feel bad. There are genuine problems that men face in society that women don't and they don't get support for. However you can't pick and choose the members of your ideology, only your choice to share it with them

The ultimate problem is that red/blue/black pill ideology is all rooted in the manosphere and incel culture. By utilizing their terminology you are associating yourself with a group of misogynists, racists, and terrorists

Which is to say someone who says "my MS makes my life difficult enough as is, so I choose not to struggle with dating on top of it" is different from "I've been blackpilled because these Stacys won't consider dating below 8.5/10s"

There're other points to be made with regards to being "too ugly to date", why people dislike non-traditional sexualities, and modern dating culture. However, I'd bet if you went into the real world and talked to real people about specific struggles leading to deciding to no longer date without a bunch of internet words you would see a lot more support

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

I wasn't familiar with the term: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel#%22Blackpill%22

It doesn't sound good at all.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

It does not sound like a happy bunch to hang around. Is that what you aspire to have as a part of your identity?

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I've never heard that term. I get that some people choose not to date, but don't most people just live- go to work, grocery, social events, etc.- and talk to the people around them? I don't really see someone saying, "hey, if that nice girl talks to me I'm going to ignore her."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Once you have been around enough rejections you will know it's better not to feed those emotions.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

I wholeheartedly agree.

There are better emotions to feed, and they don’t tend to result in rejection.

“Black pill” is a different thing from not dating.

I never dated, just spent time with people who shared my interests. Eventually, I and one of the people who I shared interests with realized that we were often doing so exclusive of other people.

We essentially went from just living our lives to everyone seeing us as a couple, eventually us included.

Pursuing dating for the emotional high will let you down every time. Being real about who you are and what drives you, and learning to have healthy give and take relationships that don’t involve unrealistic expectations means you’ll end up with a more fulfilling life.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago (2 children)

TIL all aromantic (aro) persons are misogynists (but not misandrists) by reading the comments.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That is very obviously not what anyone is saying. Not dating because you are not interested in dating is different than not dating because you're down on yourself and blame the world (and those of the gender you find attractive) for creating your situation.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

That is very obviously not what anyone is saying. Not dating because you are not interested in dating is different than not dating because you're down on yourself and blame the world (and those of the gender you find attractive) for creating your situation.

Yes it is. People who are not into dating for that reason (aro) are explicitly being called incels by you in your reply to me. Anyone who isn't dating without being aro is an incel. You're a bigot.

You're the kind of person who would be calling a guy gay (but using the really derogatory terms, fag .. ) because he doesn't have a girlfriend in the last century.

I'm old and feel sorry for people who just want to be left alone for their own reasons. Why is this so called liberal - which in my mind means live and let live - baying-mob so much more vindictive and nasty than I could have ever imagined (rhetoric question).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

To be clear, that list (aro and "black-pilled") was not all-inclusive. There are plenty of people who just don't want to date, for whatever positive reason (e.g. too busy, focusing on other things, not feeling like making the effort) or even some with negative reasons (e.g. not feeling like they are in good working order mentally, just got out of a relationship and want to spend some time on their own, trauma) that aren't aro or "black-pilled." THIS LIST IS ALSO NOT ALL-INCLUSIVE.

Also:

You're a bigot.

Just... don't. Stop throwing the word around so spuriously, or it could lose its meaning. It's an important word, and using it like that leads to the kind of linguistic drift that takes the meaning out of the language.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm not interested in pills, black or otherwise. Single 'l' - as in beer - maybe! Haha

Live and let live. If individuals are obviously not leading a compassionate life then keep away, but mass labelling an entire set of individuals that you do not know as incels - noting the hateful meaning of that word - is the very definition of bigotry.

I though we'd got rid of labelling people for their dating preferences when being lesbian, gay or bi stopped being particularly note-worthy in the glam-rock era. It's a shame that you're still behaving like those knuckle draggers of the 1970s with a different target.

You have given two options: aro or incel. There is an enormous third option which is unavailable to anyone but you, I guess.

Apparently I'm not allowed to use the word 'bigot' for a bigot. You don't define my language use.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Which comment is saying that? Everyone is being pretty explicit about the differences between choosing not to date because you're uninterested versus because you think you're too ugly.

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