N0body
Guy running for VP: "JD Vance may have sex with couches, dolphins, and even more disturbing things the electorate will learn about soon enough, but JD Vance will be damned if JD Vance ever uses the devil's pronouns."
In his defense, Elon both owns the platform and is a giant manbaby throwing a neverending tantrum at even the thought of rules applying to him.
Even worse, the entire concept of clocking in and out for ~8-hour shifts comes from factory jobs during the Industrial Revolution. Missing time meant that your station on the line wasn't being manned and was holding up production. While obviously some fields still operate like that, many modern professions are task-oriented and being forced to be physically present for an entire shift is entirely unnecessary.
What you need is a criminal spokesperson.
Overthrow the tyrants that keep us in chains! Physically occupy residential property en masse and claim squatter's rights. Bring back crucifixion for white collar criminals on Wall Street. Raid the pharmaceutical industry's warehouses and distribute medication for free. In Minecraft, of course.
Don't be a part of this domestic infighting. Join the Knights of Chik-fil-A on their Holy Crusade to destroy Chinese food at its very source.
"The problem isn't we, the Job Creators; it's you, the people. We have too many people consuming too much energy. The best strategy is to maximize our greenhouse gas emissions over the next couple decades to make the Earth uninhabitable for 99% of all human life. Once you're all dead, and we're safely in our island fortress bunkers with our slaves, the Earth can finally begin to heal."
Boeing: Amtrak of the Skies. We’ll probably get you there safely.
Did they even try using poop from an Ivermectin user? My roommate's uncle's fourth cousin made a poop knife out of his Ivermectin shits and killed 3 census workers with it. This is why no one trusts Big Science.
"Our company is invested in the dynamic strategy of using people to solve problems. Person Intelligence or PI, as we call it. We know our strategy is out of favor now, but given that it has worked consistently throughout all of human history, we are hopeful for the future."
Researchers are ecstatic at the prospect that they may have finally discovered the region of space from which Ozzy Osbourne came to this planet.