TheBluePillock

I can't remember the specific examples (surprising nobody), but I have had at least a couple occasions where I found traces of something I'd done that showed me I did actually react that exact same way some while previously and forgot about it entirely. In one case, a friend stopped mid conversation to say, "Wait. Haven't we had this exact conversation before?," and I while it wasn't as concrete as finding my own evidence, I was pretty sure he was right.

It's almost like a coping mechanism, even if I don't do it intentionally. My life is a book, but at any given moment I might not know what happened on the last page or three. So I have to just figure it out and act how I would act even when I'm clueless.

Just to add: education and diagnosis is getting better, but there are still a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists who have little to no education on adult ADHD. They can use the diagnostic criteria meant for children and often get it wrong. You may find a provider who has updated their education, but the best chance of an accurate diagnosis is to look for somebody that specializes in diagnosing adult ADHD specifically. If the diagnosis involves a detailed history and several appointments with multiple tests, that's a good sign. If it's just regular 30-60 minute meetings where you talk and they say you don't have it, get a second opinion from someone who specializes in this.

It's one way communities can grow. Especially in lower population forums, it makes sense to start out more general to concentrate enough traffic instead of spreading it out into a bunch of mostly dead, niche communities that fail to hit the critical mass required to get people coming back and posting more. Once the community has grown enough to the point where a certain type of content is drowning out the rest, that content gets separated off into its own subforum or community. You're seeing it as a mistake to avoid repeating, but it's actually a great benefit to both this community and the future communities that will eventually spin off.

I get it. I've been down that road within the last couple years after decades of "treatment resistant depression". The treatments aren't pseudoscience, but it might make more sense when you realize it doesn't do anything that can't be done without them. It just accelerates what you can already do with therapy and positive lifestyle changes - provided you do those things. It can also help people with lingering depression whose circumstances have changed for the better. I'm not saying it's impossible for them to help you and anything is worth a shot, but I would emphasize that you get what you put in and if your circumstances are a big contributor (like they are for many of us) it's going to be an uphill battle.

Shrooms have high potential and they're honestly easier to get. But mindset is still important. For some people, it's a one and done cure. For many, they need to re dose every few months. For very few, they convince themselves they've messed it up and make things worse. They hold the potential for radical shifts in perspective like you never imagined, but only if you're ready.

TMS and ketamine work by increasing neuroplasticity. Your provider should tell you: the day of and after treatment, avoid things that are stressful and upsetting. Stay off social media, or make sure the media you do use is a carefully curated feed with positivity and things like cute animal pictures. Unfortunately, in my experience, many providers are not great about giving you this information. They lead you to believe you can just go get drugged up or zapped with magnets and magically get better. It doesn't work like that. It makes your brain more flexible so you can break old thought patterns and develop new ones. If you just feed yourself stress and ragebait during the most critical periods, it is far less likely to help.

Shrooms are different. The mechanisms are less well understood because political fuckery has set research back over half a century, but neuroplasticity is likely only a fraction of it. They also break down barriers, create new associations, suppress the ego, and enhance social connections. It is ... an unforgettable experience. I can't say it's for everybody because mindset is so important. But for anyone who is really ready to take control of their depression, I think shrooms make ketamine seem like a complete waste of time and money.

You would probably get some good tips from an ADHD community, though the tips here have been good too.

I think you're overwhelmed, which is probably obvious but it may help to state it plainly. When I'm overwhelmed, it helps if I give myself permission to just drop everything for a bit. Whatever stuff I think I need to get done isn't going to get done anyway and stressing about it isn't helping, so I take a breather. Then I start with just basic self care, however much I can manage. I can't stand going without a shower so that's a first. Eating might wait if it's really bad, but I have some meal replacement shakes for emergencies when I really can't do anything else. I'll probably isolate and ignore people for a little bit, but if I do it right I start to feel up to talking before too many days go by. But by dropping everything and then adding it back one thing at a time, I stop feeling so overwhelmed.

The world finds a way to keep on going even as we sit still and catch our breath. Trauma and anxiety just make us feel like we might die if we don't do the things, even though it's almost never that dire. We have very intense feelings - and it is important to give yourself space to feel and process them - but they are just temporary feelings and you do not have to believe them.

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I know I'll get there in the end because it's the right diagnosis. But help like this gets me there a lot faster.

It's the truth. Former domestic policy chief for the Nixon White House, John Ehrlichman, spoke out about it years after the fact:

“You understand what I’m saying? We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin. And then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities,” Ehrlichman said. “We could arrest their leaders. raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.”

Psychedelics were criminalized in the US to target anti-war protesters. This is in the open and on the record, but they're still classified as a Schedule I drug: no currently accepted medical use and a high potential for abuse. Neither of those things are true. It's completely fucked up.

I appreciate the reassurance at least. I still think the results will be skewed from what they would be if I didn't have that level of familiarity and practice, but I can at least hope it won't be significant enough to matter. Or, better yet, that more weight will be placed on the human elements like actually talking with me. I guess mostly it's just wanting to actually feel heard and understood instead of having my concerns and experiences dismissed yet again. We wouldn't still be undiagnosed in our forties if people listened.

Yeah, any kind of electronic or reaction based test concerns me a little because I've been a gamer my entire life, so my experience doing similar activities is going to affect my results when compared against a control that hasn't spent almost 40 years practicing. Fucking up on purpose doesn't seem great either, but it's definitely something I've thought about if I found myself in that situation. It would be really nice if I didn't need to, but that's wishful thinking.

I'm well set up for telehealth and I really appreciate the info! I'll definitely take a look. If I can find a local place that accepts insurance, that would be a big help financially, but I'm glad to have somewhere to look if that doesn't pan out for any number of reasons.

I'm interested if it's not too much trouble. My current plan is to try and find any local resources or recommendations for doctors specializing in adult ADHD specifically. I was going to get around to that after the holidays. For sure. Probably.

So I'm always down for more info and more possible avenues I can explore. Especially since I don't know if I'll find what I'm looking for. Or when.