drbollocks

i just broke up with my bf who ghosted me bc he realized he's gay (im a woman). i don't even think i like guys but i have this compulsion to ask out my friend who i blocked to have a man that treats me right instead of the other guy that ghosted me, and also to make him happy.

he kept talking about how he could treat me better than anyone else, that i should've ditched my bf for him (obv i said no), and badmouthed not only his gf of a few years since age 16 but also his first time. he left her bc she showed signs of schizophrenia and she blocked all his socials after he left.

he kept guilttripping me when i said i didn't want to be his gf so ik he doesn't care about consent regardless of what he says. he also completely ignored me liking women and acted like i was straight but i feel lonely.

i kinda wanna make him happy and have a bf who pays attention to me but ik i'm probably just saying this out of sadness. we were friends but i had to block.

mi meli li olin e meli. mi kama sona e toki pona en mi toki mute e ni lon tenpo pini taso mi toki ala lon tenpo ni. mi wile toki lon tenpo sin 😊

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/22189318

(figured more people would give advice/relate because it’s a lesbian community [“the idk how women like men romantically” part] and also because i don’t see any comments/nor do i think the other community i posted in was good for breakup advice/rants.)

(im going to say that im a lesbian, first off, and maybe i just feel this way about relationships with men because i’m in a bad spot, or in other words, pissed.)

part of the reason i broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years was because i figured out im a lesbian and couldn’t see myself dating nor attracted to a man.

the other part? he wasn’t there for me as of recent.

he was pansexual and i was a gay/bi trans guy. i met him through a friend, and he lost contact with the friend sometime after he met me and only we talked (our only mutual friend after that was some VERY controversial guy from tiktok but due to said controversy, we stopped being in contact with him and he blocked us).

a lot of the new friends we made on his discord server started to make silly jokes about us, like “get a room you two!” or “are you sure you guys aren’t dating?” it was very casual, i had feelings for him so i was just like “ if he wants to 🤷‍♀️” and he replied with “yeah ok why not :)”

so after that, we were a couple. we talked a lot as friends, we talked a lot as boyfriends. then i got a girlfriend (the deal was that we could date if we knew about the people, and he knew about my gf). we broke up the first time and she acted really cruel (saying i abused/assaulted her, either acted this way because i was a guy or because i was trans. maybe both). this made me feel terrible for MONTHS due to having bad-ish attachment issues.

i detransitioned after that, since the very thought of being a man reminded me of our relationship/breakup.

he, however, was there for me during it. at least, when he could be.

there would be periods that would last several weeks where i would hear nothing from him. even when i would see he read my messages and posted on social media, he would not respond to my messages. ever.

then he would be like, “sorry, i was at work” or “sorry, i was staying at someone’s house for a while”. i was quite forgiving and was honestly just worried about him.

then, it happened more frequently, again and again. he would hardly say he loved me or show any affection. my “friend” told me this was normal in relationships and thought i was crazy for thinking otherwise.

sometimes, he would say he loved me and actually be there for me, but he recently started leaving me on read again. i broke up with him and decided i was a lesbian since i kind of lost feelings and couldn’t see myself with a man or even attracted to one.

[so, im still kind of pissed at him, confused about my attraction a little, and at a rocky relationship with my “friend” and girlfriend.]

(sorry, mods, ik i’m talking about a straight relationship but im a lesbian now so im posting here)

i know my ex probably doesn’t care, he ghosted me and never included me on anything, from a list of people he appreciates to never making gifts for me and hardly ever spending time with me.

there was a time he was romantic with me, he showed me affection and cared about me, but it later started to feel like we were acquaintances with some romantic aspects (the occasional “i love you” and being friendly). there was a time where he would never show any affection for me, and though i’d be fine with him not saying he loved me, especially not every 2 seconds (i just wanted once per day), it felt more like we were friends and there was no other indication of intimacy/romantic feelings.

he never even told people about me and acted as if he was single when a “cute guy” would ask. he would only post about attractive fictional/irl men (as in celebrities), so when i told my friends, they suspected (obv we don’t know for sure) that he might have thought he liked girls and continued to date me as a girl (he was pan) but then realized he might be gay that’s why he ghosted me. (that doesn’t make it right, just saying). i can’t talk to him at all, whether it’s romantic messages or an official breakup text, i tried talking to him about the “ghosting” several times but he just does it again. i asked him again but i can’t talk to him because he doesn’t respond. i tried getting some other socials from him, even his number, but he acted a little odd about both suggestions and said no thanks.

he keeps saying that somehow all of his socials don’t work, even though i see him post, and he reads my messages but doesn’t respond. it’s weird, i feel like i was done dirty and i feel upset, but as a lesbian now, I wouldn’t say im attracted to him either.

how could you tell, since npd is an actual condition, so of course they’ll act differently, but it’s used so often to describe a regular, typical asshole.

i don’t mean this to say that people with mental health conditions are all abusive, nor do i take your comments as a diagnosis, i’m more or less just curious. after all, only a professional could help the specific person.

i have been emotionally abused by someone. they can never accept their own faults or mistakes. telling them they made a mistake will set them off and cause outbursts of anger. they strictly adhere to rules and try to control people to follow a rigid set of them.

will often prey on weaknesses to make you stay with them because “no one understands you, just me”. discards you but comes back after a while and the cycle repeats.

often makes others feel bad about themselves, that they are the best/only good person and they should be the reliable one to come to when something’s wrong. in their eyes, you are worthless no matter what you do to change it.

i have a lot going on besides that. just broke up with a guy, realized i wasn’t even into guys (but it stung more that he didn’t pay attention to me/care regardless), then having some rocky relationships with my gf (open relationship) and long-time friend, the latter i’m cutting contact with. (meaning i will only talk to her if i have to or if she talks to me first)

with all of this, my anxiety’s acting up and i’m a bit (still although it got better) on edge.

(im going to say that im a lesbian, first off, and maybe i just feel this way about relationships with men because i’m in a bad spot, or in other words, pissed.)

part of the reason i broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years was because i figured out im a lesbian and couldn’t see myself dating nor attracted to a man.

the other part? he wasn’t there for me as of recent.

he was pansexual and i was a gay/bi trans guy. i met him through a friend, and he lost contact with the friend sometime after he met me and only we talked (our only mutual friend after that was some VERY controversial guy from tiktok but due to said controversy, we stopped being in contact with him and he blocked us).

a lot of the new friends we made on his discord server started to make silly jokes about us, like “get a room you two!” or “are you sure you guys aren’t dating?” it was very casual, i had feelings for him so i was just like “ if he wants to 🤷‍♀️” and he replied with “yeah ok why not :)”

so after that, we were a couple. we talked a lot as friends, we talked a lot as boyfriends. then i got a girlfriend (the deal was that we could date if we knew about the people, and he knew about my gf). we broke up the first time and she acted really cruel (saying i abused/assaulted her, either acted this way because i was a guy or because i was trans. maybe both). this made me feel terrible for MONTHS due to having bad-ish attachment issues.

i detransitioned after that, since the very thought of being a man reminded me of our relationship/breakup.

he, however, was there for me during it. at least, when he could be.

there would be periods that would last several weeks where i would hear nothing from him. even when i would see he read my messages and posted on social media, he would not respond to my messages. ever.

then he would be like, “sorry, i was at work” or “sorry, i was staying at someone’s house for a while”. i was quite forgiving and was honestly just worried about him.

then, it happened more frequently, again and again. he would hardly say he loved me or show any affection. my “friend” told me this was normal in relationships and thought i was crazy for thinking otherwise.

sometimes, he would say he loved me and actually be there for me, but he recently started leaving me on read again. i broke up with him and decided i was a lesbian since i kind of lost feelings and couldn’t see myself with a man or even attracted to one.

[so, im still kind of pissed at him, confused about my attraction a little, and at a rocky relationship with my “friend” and girlfriend.]

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/22098369

(found this community more fitting because im a lesbian, also because I see people get downvoted a lot in advice communities despite being made for advice)

she’s just not a very active person online. when she is, shes only active in group chats with her friends.

usually, she talks about video games, and is actually offline because she plays video games almost all the time.

is there any way to salvage the relationship? she’s too focused on her interests to be interested in mine, and like I said, is almost always playing games so we barely talk aside from: “hi ❤️” “Hi sweetie ❤️” “hru??” “Good, just playing games, you?” “good :)) im listening to music” and then the conversation ends because she doesn’t message first and is busy with the other stuff.

(i have tried talking to her and she says she’s usually busy. shes either genuinely busy, busy with games, or in a bad mood and doesn’t feel like talking [sad/tired])

she either types “oh!” “…/.” or “erm what 😨” when i say smth

also, shes quite dry around me, often giving like one word responses and only being super energetic around her friends and when posting about video games.

idk if she’s actually just busy or making excuses, since shes usually talking to her friends or other partner (open relationships)

she’s just not a very active person online. when she is, shes only active in group chats with her friends.

usually, she talks about video games, and is actually offline because she plays video games almost all the time.

is there any way to salvage the relationship? she’s too focused on her interests to be interested in mine, and like I said, is almost always playing games so we barely talk aside from: “hi ❤️” “Hi sweetie ❤️” “hru??” “Good, just playing games, you?” “good :)) im listening to music” and then the conversation ends because she doesn’t message first and is busy with the other stuff.

(i have tried talking to her and she says she’s usually busy. shes either genuinely busy, busy with games, or in a bad mood and doesn’t feel like talking [sad/tired])

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