myeyesburn

If only there was some way to prevent this besides thoughts and prayers...

I was dropped on my head before i was even ~~born~~ conceived.

Ftfy ;-)

That man's name? "Albert Einstein!"

They are also stealing all the toilets from the police stations. So far, officers have nothing to go on.

Giving me a hand job. So even if I lose, I've still won. 100 times.

Not if he said, "No one will ever believe you."

Glad you aren't drinking beer. You could get sand in your Schlitz. 😁

For those unaware, Schlitz is a brand of beer in the US. 😉

Nope, not legal.

Believe it or not, straight to jail.

Or, that's a paddlin'.

Both applicable. Take your pick.

Don't forget the blow!

It's because you said the "R" word. ;-)

I'm in the same boat. Over 40 years here, and my first time encountering one. I had a serious WTF moment.

I had no idea what had happened. I just felt a burning sensation on my neck. I thought at first I had just been cut by the corn stalk, but then the pain started spreading. I turned over the leaf and saw that, and freaked out.

The pain lasted for about 30 minutes. About an hour later, when I was able to look in the mirror, there was still a catapillar shaped welt.