This isn't a shitpost, this is legitimate. Being able to work through the physicality of emotions is an important part of processing them. You need to be able to cry when you're sad, jump up-and-down when you're excited, and scream when your angry, for examples.
Was it The Most Unwanted Song?
Also, don't judge people for what they like, yourself included. It doesn't need to be reasonable or pretend to be intellectually significant.
Modal editing for just raw text input would actually be slower, because you also enter and leave Insert Mode. I find it's very fast and powerful for navigating around the text, which you probably do a lot more than actually editing it. And when it does come to editing, there are a lot of higher-level tools (at least in Vim) for accomplishing things more quickly, like the 's' command and 'q' macros.
I think getting into a mental "flow" state is really valuable, and muscle memory is important for being able to stay there. If your muscle memory is to navigate around using the mouse, that's great, but Vim feels faster to me.
I put too much ketchup on their plate.