this post was submitted on 22 May 2024
929 points (100.0% liked)

The Onion

5887 readers
744 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 177 points 10 months ago (9 children)

Pickups for non construction purposes are the dumbest shit ever. You literarily have half the car that is useless for transporting people.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Well what if I need to prove my dick is tiny tho?

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Stop body shaming

I'll never stop calling you fuckers out on it

[–] [email protected] 35 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's a joke. And it's metaphorical more than anything else. I have no desire to care about the size of anyone's penis. The idea is that they are compensating for something, and those dudes are the ones who actually do care about that shit

In the same vein, things can "suck dick" without it mattering who sucks dick and any value judgments were placed on that in the past. It's an expression.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (2 children)

So you body shame women too or just men? Lol

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Weird question. Why not read replies if you're gonna pretend to care?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I read it, but I just don't know how to reply to your mental gymnastics

In the same vein, things can “suck dick” without it mattering who sucks dick and any value judgments were placed on that in the past. It’s an expression.

How is this the same vein as making fun of someone's appearance? You have a choice to suck dick lmao. It feels so stupid to even type this out, that's why I didn't take the bait

So what situations is it acceptable to make fun of how women look if this is so nuanced?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

...I never said there was nuance. It's pretty simple. If someone chooses to be a shithead you can use their insecurities against them.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Comments like this is what turns regular people "off" of the left.

It's a fucking joke, not everything needs white knighting.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It's still body shaming, though.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

So do you think that all of the following are true?

  1. I have actual evidence that men who drive trucks have small penises
  2. I care about the size of their penises

If both were true, congratulations, you would have successfully found someone body shaming. Since neither are true (obviously), you found jack shit but sounded pompous anyhow

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Don't label me left wing lmao

I'm just a decent enough person to not make people feel bad about things they have zero control over

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Honestly the older I get I kinda agree. Like the same as something being gay in place of lame.

But gosh it does pack a punch. What is another thing we could say that summarizes what we're trying to get across so succinctly without having to act like we have a psychology degree?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah in 10 years this will be totally unacceptable and cringe

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Well, there's no time like the present

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's only body shaming if they actually have small penises

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's only body shaming is they care.

Speaking as an Asian in a honky dong world: even if I gave a shit there's nothing I can do about it. Shame away, kings

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Couple things super quick. 1) nothing screams "I don't care" like fighting someone for several lengthy replies and

  1. the insecurity about your race is gonna turn women off way more than your size.
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

When did I ever say only femmes are tasting my lumpia? C'mon, homie. My diminutive oriental dingus is less lonely than you think.

I've never had a problem with my race. Reading your weird rebuttal makes me feel downright chauvanistic. 2 quips is "several lengthy replies" if you're not genetically predisposed to be good at math, i guess

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Bruh I got you and rab mixed up. This is why I try not to comment once my ADHD meds wear off.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

I just want to repeat the phrase "honky dong." Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Dude real shit I work in construction and I can tell you that you don’t even really need a pickup for that either.

I mean it depends what you’re doing ofc but vans are what’s actually used as work vehicles for the most part. And those are generally company vehicles so for personal use you can drive whatever vehicle you want.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, trucks really were designed for hauling heavy trailers

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Which even then a 350 transit can haul our tractor.

Really, the bed is only used for oddly shaped shit or stuff that is covered in mud. I was only in a work pickup truck as a new construction plumber, everything else has been a van.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Camping, hunting, dirt bike riding, moving, general utility and many other things done by most adults that don't like to rely on other people. I don't want to pay a moving company if I move, I don't want to ask someone else if I want to tow my trailer out to camp. I don't want to call some construction company everytime I need so much as a 2x4 to repair my home. Anyone who doesn't own a truck will at some point rely on someone who does. It is not dumb as shit to own a truck for everyone. Not everyone lives the same life you do. I live in a rural area, I spent 6 months at one point in my life without a truck, I will never do it again. Probably 95% of the time I don't need a truck, but when I need it, I need it. My daily driver is a beater car, most of the time, depending on logistics and weather. But if I had to only have one vehicle it would be a truck. A truck will haul 5 people, so will most cars but a truck can drive through weather and haul things when you need it. Although I am a middle aged dad in a rural area. 🤷‍♂️ I must be dumb.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 months ago

Someone should open a rental place for that 5% and call it home depot or something catchy like that

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

"Probably 95% of the time I don't need a truck, but when I need it, I need it."

This was the exact rationale I used to justify not getting a truck. I liked the idea of having a truck and being able to use it to move etc. but the fact that a smaller more economical vehicle would suit my needs 95 percent (more like 98-99.5 for me realistically) of the time swayed me in the other direction. I paid a good 30 percent less for the vehicle I have now and it gets 40mpg so I'll save thousands in gas over the life of the vehicle.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

You can rent a utility trailer for a day or weekend and tow quite a bit of weight with most vehicles. There's rental trucks for the rest. I have an F350 and it costs a fortune to keep up. $150 fills, 15L oil capacity, tires are 400 bucks a pop. It adds up quick. Gonna be replacing it with a micro car and some rentals here and there.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

I ride a bicycle in a rural area and built a new office this spring. With a trailer, store delivery or a $20 rental I don't think I ever ran into any of the problems you describe. The bicycle has gone hunt camping rain or shine, I dirt bike, street bike and work a rugged job.

If I really needed it I have the wife's sedan which handles -40 winters and 50cm snow drifts just fine. Equipped with a roof rack and small trailer I can move myself just fine if the need is there.

Aside from hauling large trailers or campers I fail to see the utility of a pickup as described. Even when hauling plywood or construction supplies I've opted for the home depot van before even considering a pickup. If I wanted a 2*4 sticking out of the end I would have taken the Sedan anyway.

I think a lot of the truck owner mentality comes down to mental gymnastics or "What if?". Aside from rare use cases it just doesn't seem like the play. Even for yourself you mentioned the pickup is an edge case.

These are all things people consider when talking about truck owners. The rest of the world can see life without pickups, can justify life without pickups and even prefers life without pickups but for some reason... Pickup drivers can't stop talking about them as if they need to justify it to themselves more than to the world.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

We'll see but I solved that with a crossover and a trailer. I can tow up to 3500 lbs which covers all of that and I'm more efficient literally any other time.

I did seriously consider a pickup but it just makes no sense day to day

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago

I have a crew cab pickup (half ton), and yeah it has come in handy numerous times over the years. But I do agree those larger, “more rugged”, trucks are not for the people who own them.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (2 children)

What if I never transport people? WTF do I need all these extra seats for? A giant grocery cart in the back is much more useful.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

A cart that's exposed to the weather and leafs and dust. Totally worth it.....

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Someone smart should invent a cover!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Or you know... A car with a roof to begin with.....

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Can I take the roof off to haul a fridge? Or my taxidermied camel?

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

"The only thing better than owning a truck is having no fucking reason to own a truck"

It's a statement. You don't need to work; but you still could if you wanted to.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

And even for construction purposes, most trucks nowadays are kinda pointless. A 4ft bed is good for hauling like 1 bike placed diagonally, much less a typical sized piece of lumber or plywood.

Can't beg a place to sell you a 6ft bed unless you want to wait for it to come off the manufacturing line.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)