A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
“It is unfair how I am treated,” he said, “the moment I see a female and say ‘hello there female’ they always leave after saying something. I don’t know what they said because I wasn’t listening but they are being very rude.”
“I don’t understand what it is that makes women seem uncomfortable around me... likely they are just intimidated to be in the presence of a real alpha man like me. I don’t blame them for that.”
I know you're joking but that last paragraph made me throw up in my mouth a little bit
It's not really a joke, that's just two paragraphs from the article copy/pasted.
Any wedding where the bride is allowed to speak, and wear clothes, is doomed to fail.
hyoomahn feeemales
Wait, where's the part where he calls a woman a *fat whore who can keep chasing Chad but she better not come crying to him when she turns 30 and hits the wall?
*about 75% of this is just a reworded comment I saw today on an article about dating in my city.
Clinical nomenclature has a place but social interactions aint it
I will never understand the drama over the word "female".
I set up a doctor's appointment the other day, and I was asked if I had a doctor preference. I responded and said "I'd prefer a female doctor." According to the internet, apparently I should have asked for a "woman doctor".
Reversing the gender, I'd be asking for either a "male doctor" or a "man doctor". I will literally never use the phrase "I'd prefer a man doctor, please." Because it has weird connotations, and doesn't even roll off the tongue as well.
So because I believe in male/female equality, I am necessarily required to treat them the same, with similar varieties of words.
So what's the problem? Give me a reason why I should use the less technical versions of words that invoke social-gender-stereotypes when I want to avoid all of that entirely.
You've been told (probably at length) what women in general prefer to be called. It's probably even been explained to you. Your feigning ignorance about why is just saying that you don't find those answers satisfactory.
You're free to call women "females" and you can justify it however you want, just like I'm free to allow absolutely zero people who refer to me as "female" (outside of very limited clinical circumstances) to touch my tits.
You do you, and you may have any preferences to words you like and people who are allowed to touch your tits.
I'm personally out of the loop on the entire "female debate". Please do not assume everyone in the world knows everything about it perfectly well. (I'm not original commenter though, can't comment on that).
Do women find this term objectifying, like a female animal seen in biology primarily from a reproductive side or something? Does it feel like you're not treated as a deep and complex human and minimized to a sex object?
That's what I can probably come up with as a first thought.
Personally, I just use terms "male" and "female" where they normally traditionally fit within the language, and I use them for both men and women. I have never seen males reacting negatively to be called that, but I've seen many females triggered, which is curious to me.
Maybe women are responding "triggered" because you sound like a fucking dick?
"I refer to women in a demeaning and shitty way. In a way that makes them seem like they are below me. And they tend to be so triggered by it. Hmmm so curious. 🧐"
Does that not trigger something in your tiny brain? Do you not think "Hmmm... Maybe they don't like it. I should stop doing it as to not be a piece of shit."
OR you enjoy it when are a bully and enjoy it when people get upset at you for being shitty to them.
So it's either you have the intelligence of a tennis ball, or you're a fucking dick.
You should reflect on that.
There's a difference between using it as an adjective and a noun.
Requesting "a female doctor" is not as bad as requesting "a female."
I also couldn't think of a more clinical setting than a doctor's clinic
Adjective vs noun. Noun-izing some adjectives makes them sound like a slur
A black doctor vs a black.
A Jewish doctor vs a jew.
A female doctor vs a female.
My understanding is that its less about the word itself and more about the usage in contrast to how the same person refers to men. Males will be men, dudes, bros, etc. but they'll only refer to women as females. Usually with a thinly veiled distain. "All these dudes just hanging out but the FEMALES are fighting." or some shit.
Spermatozoon-producing organism and ovum-producing organism
I love the scent of a female.
I find there's nothing better than harvesting the scent of a female in a tank, with flower petals of course, and then scrapings it off thier skin. Someday I hope to use it in all five chords of a fragrance.
That's what we were instructed to use to refer to a subset of our platoon-mates while working, in those rare cases where it made a difference. One of my DS, an MP from Halifax, would absolutely tear a strip off you if she heard you say 'girl' or 'woman', in barely comprehensible English out from under that scary red Beret, and you knew the woe was coming.
Of course. They're pronouncing it wrong.
Gotta gotta rhyme with tamales.
I don't understand. My girlfriend calls women "females".
So long as you're not using it in a disrespectful way, there's no reason why women can't be called what they are. What's next? Getting upset because I call it a vagina instead of a "pussy"?
I've never read any internet comment using “female” as a noun for human women that wasn't problematic.
It's generally the difference between using it as a descriptor, and a noun. Noun bad.
Compare "I really like watching the female football game" and "I really like watching the women's football game"
"Female" isn't trans-inclusive, but people aren't going to look at you weird either way you say it.
Now compare that to:
"I really like watching the females play football." and "I really like watching the women play football."
"Females" here makes you sound like you're getting sexual gratification from watching the players, or that you see them as nothing more than a vagina, "women" sounds like you might like the game.
Those guys are the rapiest ones. It's disingenuous to act like the types of men who call women 'females' aren't the same guys who neg, space invade and spike drinks.
I don't understand why "gal" isn't used more. It's "woman"s single-syllable sister and also isn't infantilizing like using "girl" can be.
Still waiting for 'broad' to become fashionable again..
In my memory, the term was not used kindly even during its peak.
Eww
I only ever hear gals use it, usually in group settings. It really is a shame. It just feels dated for whatever reason in other contexts, I guess.
Image of the introductory coursework for people wanting to learn English.
It's crazy how the eldritch amalgamation that is the English language can have zero rules, yet a dozen unwritten ones of what you can and can't say. Good luck threading the needle if you aren't up to date with the latest cultural evolution in America. Add on top that the kids keep inventing sentences worth of new acronyms.
I get what group of people the article is poking fun at, one of them is on proud display in the comment section. Though I still feel people should have a better understanding that as the Internet's lingua franca you'll encounter people from a wide range of backgrounds, and their grasp of the language and culture will vary.
I can certainly see it being a struggle for non native English speakers or English speakers from other cultures. Referring to women as females is one of those things thats accurate according to the language, but a lot of bigots have figured out that they can use common words as slurs and people are slower to catch on. Female is unfortunately one of those words; it evokes big "I see you as livestock" energy
In my native language it's highly offensive to call a woman a female. Didn't know that's the thing in English.
At the same time we call children "human larve" and everyone is ok with that
It really really rubs most of us the wrong way. Yet, for whatever reason, stupid men are taught that it is ok to call us "females". It is like we are corpses. Things. Not even people.
Ok I will totally admit that, especially when during DEI discussions or other similar meetings, when my brain is about to say "woman" I can freak out and over-correct and I have absolutely said "females".
I used to say "boys and girls", even my female wife says "girls" is fine, but 1 time in 2009 I got yelled at for using "girls" and I have never recovered.
Saying something that may be perceived as offensive and then later realizing you probably should have said it differently is totally different from saying the same thing unabashedly with zero self-awareness