this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024

486 points (100.0% liked)

Greentext

6585 readers

706 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

486

Anon owns a pair of cursed jeans (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

36 comments fedilink hide all child comments

all 39 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[+] [email protected] 109 points 10 months ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

[deleted]

[–] [email protected] 66 points 10 months ago (3 children)

After I got my gallbladder out the nurse in the post op room told me that I should take a laxitive because they didn't want me straining to poop.

Well let me tell you what you definitely don't need immediately after getting you gallbladder out or for the next several months, if you guessed a laxitive then you'd be 110% correct. Holy shit it was bad. I didn't even take the full dose. Just one fucking pill and I couldn't so much a sneak a squeak for the next 12 hour without completely spray painting something. My gut is thankfully back to normal now nearly a year later but I still can't bring myself to trust my farts. I've never so much as had a close call since then but I just can't bring myself to trusting my ass. It burned that bridge.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (2 children)

interesting. After my gallbladder removal, I didn't have any trouble.

The only thing they said to me was "you'll notice it if you eat anything super fatty"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I live right next to the state specifically known for producing the most and largest variety of cheeses in the world. I'm not going to let something as minor as some cataclysmic gastric distress get between me and my processed milk fat.

Joking aside my shits were apocalyptic for like a month after I got my gallbladder out regardless of what I ate. But my body is used to a very fat heavy diet and the doc told me my gall bladder looked like it had been fucked up for a while. So my body was probably overcompensating a bit on the bile.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

I live right next to the state specifically known for producing the most and largest variety of cheeses in the world.

The French: are you living next to us?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Wait what?

When I eat anything fatty. Like sausages. I shit my guts out. Is my gallbladder fucked?

Most things are fine e.g. a steak or olive oil. But not fatty meats and melted chess and some other dairy

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Could also be food intolerance for some ingretient.

The gallbladder itself isn't super neccesary, as it only stores some extra bile in case more is needed. The bile itself is produced by the liver. That's why you will notice its absence when you eat something very fatty (bile is used to break down fats).

Could be worth talking to a doc about. Checking your gallbladder for abnormalities is probably not much more than an ultrasound

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

i stopped eating grains and nightshades, that did the trick. yeah, you need to change something.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

Not gallbladder but my recent surgery they put me on a bunch of laxatives and softeners after, also for straining reasons. It took me five days before I pooped and it was an absolute landslide. I remember being super drugged, exclaiming to whoever was near me "I just had the riskiest fart in the world I need to get to the bathroom right now"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

when i was in icu after a majour accident, they gave me a laxatative a couple of times. its was incredibly painfull in a shit related way. your insides feel like you ingested a bucket of tabasco sauce.

and try shitting when lying prone in bed.

the whole thing is so traumatic that all shame is out the window when they have to clean you up afterward. i mean, i had like a bedpan, but that thing would overflow and what not.

AND i was in pain because of the accident. i pooped midday, slept till evening to eat something, slept till next morning, it was this exhausting.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

I call those the safety farts.

[–] [email protected] 106 points 10 months ago (6 children)

I'm regularly surprised by how many people manage to shit themselves, and how it's common enough that people have a casual laugh over their "shat myself" stories. I feel left out. I laughed so hard I peed myself once when I was 5?

[–] [email protected] 37 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I have IBS, and while I've had many close calls I can proudly say that I've never shit myself. As someone that's basically a flight risk for accidental pooping, as well as having heard these stories before in-person, I often wonder if more people have stomach/bowel problems than they'd like to let on.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

i left work right after clocking in because a fart felt like pushing out more than just air. so embarassing

[–] [email protected] 27 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I sneezed and shat myself the other month, maybe you're young or maybe you've got a good bowel sytem.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I coughed, burped, and sharted simultaneously a while back. It was disorienting and I felt violated

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

If you time it right you can hit the ceiling with those

[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago

and how it’s common enough that people have a casual laugh over their “shat myself” stories

That's how we deal with the trauma.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Never trust a fart.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

So say keto dieters

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

OP has a gaping asshole.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Drink way too much cheap liquor and you too can have the opportunity to shit yourself the next day.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I hate myself for wanting to know how the interview went

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (1 children)

shitty

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

But did they get the job?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago

It's not the jeans that are cursed...

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago

Dude accidentally bought the +2 Jeans of Cure Constipation

[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago

dont eat stuff that makes you fart to much or lets you have stomach aches. its stupid.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is everyone in this comment section on a fiber only diet?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3435786/

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

a curse upon my anoose

lmao

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago

Why is it always the shitting anonself greentexts that get me?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I get really upset stomach when I travel. And I have a 6 hour train journey just today. Is the universe trying to tell me something?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's telling you, "bring an extra pair of pants."

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Brown ones.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Drink peppermint tea.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Consistent loss of bowel control is a medical emergency. Think nerve damage