The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
Lol .... I'm indigenous Canadian and I thought the headline said 'Native Man'
Me too! I mean the reading the headline part, I'm not indigenous Canadian haha
RDRR.
But seriously, invest for retirement. It's all on you.
I'm "investing" by learning self sustainability.
I wanted to be more proactive, but school systems don't like hearing about kids who worry about climate change.
Money helps a lot with resiliency. Like a lot.
That assumes the banks survive. Cash would probably still be useful, but that assumes Trump wont go full Nazi Germany and just print more money eventually to the point of hyperinflation.
Cash won't hold its value. Investments, on balance, will. Retirement right before the start of World War I would suck. It would suck more to have no broad based investments.
if banks fail you might as well eat a bullet you aint sustaining shit
if you’re trying to prepare for nazi america, then invest in beans rice smokes and bullets, then you’ll at least have that bullet
This is why one of my "divestments" is non-cash valuable currency, items such as weapons / tool stockpiles, and training / knowledge. Seriously on that last one is so important if you have a day off learn how to use basic hand and power tools. Learn to cook something. Learn how basic gardening works. Take a CPR and Stop the bleed course, how to do basic electrical work, etc. You don't have to be professional at them but learn how to do them.
Best case scenario, you can be cheaper and look sexy knowing how to cook clean and repair. Worst case scenario, those are going to be worth more than Benjamins in a true SHTF scenario.
I’m always amused at the people that think they can make it through a collapse
first good infection you’re dead
You need to invest money. My recommendation is get a job and start investing.
423.30 ppm and rising.
How this is going to play out is that life is going to get expensive (you ain't seen nothing yet). Money will help a shit ton. This is also going to be a situation where it's expensive to be poor, see rent and how interest works.
It's not. I'll probably die, but most of us will. I never really bought into the promise of infinite growth in a finite system that I was raised to believe in. Everyone narrowly focuses on their own issues, but the larger system is breaking down.
Don't worry, the 401(k) will be rug pulled as well even if the future exists.
I keep wondering if the incoming tech oligarchy administration will boost stock prices (because that's how they compound the billions) and that will be enough to keep us in this rut longer than we would be otherwise.
The US stock market always performs well during Democratic presidents terms and does not do well during republicans
Simple starting and ending prices don’t prove this point. Performance isn’t a simple number that you can put over 4 years because not everyone is investing in 4 year periods.
Trump had the worst crash we’ve ever had under him. Bush was also awful. Might as well ignore everything before that for being decades out of date.
What an idiot.
That poor fool.
I learned the hard way that 401k is a scam.
Just put money in a savings account, people.
What part of a 401k do you think is a scam lmao
The part where it's defined-contribution instead of defined-benefit.
To be perfectly honest, I personally am better served with a 401(k): I'm in an above-average earning career (engineering), have lived well below my means, and am financially literate.
But most people are not like me. Frankly, the average worker in the US is either not competent or not disciplined enough to both actually contribute enough and invest it properly, and so as a nation we're careening towards a disaster of geriatric poverty the likes of which hasn't been seen since before Social Security was invented.
So yeah, the American working class was definitely scammed when pensions were replaced with 401(k)s. But hell, even if you don't understand the actual differences and implications, you could also tell it's fishy even just by the fact that the execs were so eager to switch over!
The assumption that you're going to live to a ripe old age and still remember your own name.
"Don't plan for tomorrow because you might not live through today" is a great way to die horribly tomorrow.
guessing vestment
Definitely some form of financial illiteracy which is certainly unfortunate but not to the detriment of all 401ks
it kinda is in that 401ks should not allow that pro job / anti worker bullshit
it’s crazy how we as a society allow all that obvious gatcha type rules just to help rich fucks get richer
Sure, but be mad at vestment, not all 401ks have that.
oh for sure I agree with you and it is likely his own fault but I do sympathize with his frustration
Ah yes, love me some 0.01% interest. Surely my savings will grow.
Bruh, it's pretax dollars in an account that 9 times out of 10 out performs interest rates. Even in huge downturns, it will bounce back thanks to stock market goes brrrrrrrrr
I must have hit that 1 out of 10 shot. Bro.
If you tried to use it in like 2009 then ya. But if you kept it until now it would be doing great.
Obviously it's doing "great". That's why I'm saying what im saying... Seriously? 2009?
Story time!
There's nothing in the account.
Fun story
Did you not add money? Invest in a single stock that went bankrupt? Get scammed?
At minimum throw it into SNP500. Return on that over 10 years will always go up.