this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2025
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I think I need to call ICE and turn myself in. I'm from somewhere like Barbados, New Zealand, Uruguay or Italy....I've been living in the US for sooooo long that my English is practically perfect. Please deport me. My home country misses my economic contributions.

all 26 comments
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[–] [email protected] 122 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Uruguay it is then! Please threaten to send me to a country that has 98% renewable energy and a haven for all things open source. I just might be able to survive with my limited knowledge of Esperanto!

[–] [email protected] 121 points 2 months ago

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS FREE TRAVEL HACK coming to TikTok soon

[–] [email protected] 67 points 2 months ago

yes please deport me to a place with healthcare.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Part of the dystopian horror is learning they don't care where you came from, and often will deposit you right into the hands of human traffickers.

And they'll lock foreign-looking American citizens in a room with no contact and no lawyer and say You have forty-eight hours to prove your citizenship. Good luck. Followed by deportation as above. So no, your birth certificate in a hospital in San Diego will not help you.

And between those places are the detention centers that are packed at over double maximum safe occupancy, which get super dirty and super infected, and the ICE troopers / PSCs would beat the crap out of people for fun.

Some of the scary bits of the German Reich concentration camp program are already happening here in the US.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't know if you know this....Shitposting is a way of blowing off stress.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

I get that a lot. I am, however, against ostriching.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago

How to get a free flight (100% foolproof trick)

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago

Yeah, I was kind of wondering if there was a list of countries from which I could choose to be deported to. I mean my parents were American and I was born in America but that doesn't matter anymore, right. It would be great to be deported to someplace nice. I quite liked New Zealand when I visited. Do they take requests?

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago

I just hope i never get deported to texas.
I've never lived there, but still.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I see well without any documentation we’ll have to run a DNA analysis to try and determination your nation of birth.

Results are back. 23 and Me reports Yemen with 82% confidence. Wheels up in 10.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Great deport my ass to France, got to better rhere then here.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Your discount version of 23 and Me came back as Algeria?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I don't get the post. I don't think there are illegal immigrants from Italy or new Zealand in the USA.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The joke is that OP is not actually undocumented, but wants to turn themselves in to get the free flight to these travel destinations.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

Thanks for explaining the joke.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Jokes on him when they put him in a cage and forget about him

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Almost everything that could be wrong or mistaken is in this comment. I respect the fail.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I ain't American. I had to search what ICE meant.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

ICE = Intensive Cubism Experience

Fuckers absolutely hate Picasso

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

That's a damn nice looking train.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Then why assume there are no illegal immigrants from Italy or nz? The majority of illegal immigrants entered the country legally and overstayed their visas, which is much easier to do if you’re from a place with automatic tourist visas.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago
> go to the US as a traveler from eastern europe
> get caught by ice
> claim you're a french canadian, your accent is actually just an even weirder french
> get deported
> free asylum in canada
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

ukranian you say?