this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2025
478 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

15714 readers
1538 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 34 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 133 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Aw yeah. That's the stuff.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

Trumps face if you flattened it with a steamroller.

[–] [email protected] 93 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 113 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I still think it's a brave move trying to blend in with the couch in the same room as JD Vance.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Based on his imposter act later in which he asked other people for thanks, I think he’s just Copy of JD, but dumber

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah, it’s like the copy of the copy from multiplicity.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

~~in the same room~~ on the same couch as JD Vance.

Fixed that for you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

Its the bravest move I've ever seen from any republican. Although its possible being mistaken for the couch is exactly what Rubio wanted.

[–] [email protected] 93 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Everyone should start using tiny red mats like you'd see in a kitchen or bathroom.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

With “Gnome Sweet Gnome” on it.

Then we start calling Rubio Gnome of State and variations. Just mock him mercilessly.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

And put something slick under it so they slip

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

i like gnomes tho

[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 weeks ago

Well played, Canada!

[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago

I like that it leads directly into a puddle.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 3 weeks ago

Proportional for Little Marco

[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Roll out the red bath towel. He's not important enough for the beach towel

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

A hand towel that a dog with an enlarged prostate pissed on.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago

How about the door mat that says go away?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Is this abnormal? Are there images of other people getting normal-sized red carpets?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

If I had to guess, I'd say that others wouldn't have gotten a red carpet at all. It doesn't exactly serve a function, and I've never heard of anyone receiving one.

After looking it up, though, it appears that "Heads of State" use them on "ceremonial and formal occasions". Wiki link here.

Edit: Barack Obama was photographed with a large red carpet going down the length of Air Force One's stairs. The one for Rubio is miniscule in comparison.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's sized proportionally to the hand size of the commander in chief at the time.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Or some other body part...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Well, then it should just be a very small mushroom-shaped carpet

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

The details on that picture say that it's at Andrews Air Force Base, so it's the US military providing the US president with a red carpet / staircase.

Alamy has a bunch of photos of John Kerry travelling by airplane and while sometimes there's a red carpet or a red staircase, other times there's nothing.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

this is the craziest timeline

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

What's the problem, it seems to be appropriately sized for Little Marco

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

Should have stayed in Never-Never-Land, Rubio!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

This admin is trying to destroy comedy

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

dude i gotta get of those for when my MIL visits

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

Its still way too long.