this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
309 points (93.5% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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top 29 comments
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[–] [email protected] 64 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I guess cry profusely after sex because I never get any

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 years ago

Same

Option may as well have been "lose an eyelash every time you get elected president of Uzbekistan"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

Jokes on you, I'm into that shit.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Same! Virgins ASSEMBLE 💪

😭

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

... at a brothel

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 years ago (1 children)

So seither i embaress myself everytime i shit or nothing happens?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Embarrass? Dominate your dook dome. Yell with a nice, themly yell that says to everyone "that's a shit that's gonna take at least one flush"

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

that's my superpower.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I already scream when I poop. It's not that big of a deal.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Wife in the other room: Are you ok!?

Me: Just prayin'

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

ooAAAAAAAAAAA we're halfway there

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

livin on a prayer

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago

Poop scream would be fun.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

Green.

There are ways to dampen and quiet down the screaming.
Since you probably always poop alone, you can use external tools and no one will know.

So green can with experimenting and time lead to almost no side effects.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Wait, you’re telling me poop screams aren’t normal?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

That's just Tuesday for my cat

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Red

Added bonus: I'll never cry.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Sometimes i wonder whether people are just joking or if there are really so many sex starved people out there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

The absolute state of the people in this thread

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

There's a lot of us. Extreme shyness and such. Doesn't matter how cute and handsome you are, if you're too chickenshit to go talk to the girl smiling at you from across the bar. It's also difficult to know if she's really into you, she could just be Canadian. :D And then you have all the incels whom I really don't understand. But they have a whole subreddit, if you wanna go take a dip in the cesspool.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago

I don't remember clicking those both buttons at the same time ... :|

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

What if I already do this?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Happy feast of Winter Veil!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

Lol crying during sex can be cathartic

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

So I only need to do one of these anymore? Thats improvement

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago