The lighter side of ADHD
cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/13724156
Can I just say I really don't understand what adhd is any more since memes from this sub pop up in my feed. Like I always thought of adhd as someone being distracted by an airplane or something during a conversation.
Most people have their attention decided by a combination of biology and social norms, but can learn to direct it themselves. So if you're really hungry, maybe you can't stop thinking about a sandwich. But most of the time your boss can tell you to pay attention and you will, and you can mediate and think of nothing with practice.
When you have ADHD, your attention can't be controlled by social norms, and the biology of your attention is different. And it's harder to learn to control it yourself. In school, you literally can't pay attention if you don't find the subject interesting, it's too much work. And maybe instead of being hungry and thinking of a sandwich, you'll go on Wikipedia to learn about the history of snail entomology and end up going 10 hours without food or water. The way your attention moves around is dysregulated. That's ADHD. Learning to control your attention is an uphill battle, and you'll never develop a single habit.
Snail entomology.
There, I had to write it. Thanks for the great description.
ADHD is best described as an inability to control your attention. This doesn't mean always being easily distracted, though at times it means that, it also means getting hyper fixated on things. And from personal experience I can say, when you are hyper fixated on something you often don't even realize it until it passes. With that said, it has comorbidity with a bunch of issues, including social anxiety, which this meme better represents. (It turns out being poor at controlling what you focus on makes maintaining personal relationships difficult, and guilt over maintaining them poorly can cause a lot of social anxiety).
Hmm I think I might know someone like that. She gets uterrly fixated on books I have and other things. It lasts a few minutes and then she's found something new. She's also addicted to smoking and drinking and does so constantly. It was very peculiar but let me also say that she's kind and I appreciate her curiosity.
You're a good friend. 👍
She's actually asked to be friends. It seems challenging to her. I imagine it's hard to keep any sort of friendship going if you can't control your attention.
This is weird to me because the vast majority of people I know that have ADHD are basically social addicts, in mostly bad ways. Everyone is different, of course, but it's been a recurring "theme" that I get to know someone, notice that they are basically unable to spend time alone and always look social validation, and then learn that they have ADHD.
I am the total oposite, i like to hang out with friends from time to time but i prefer to stay at home all alone for most of the time, and if i get too much social activity i crave to get back home and try to avoid contact with anyone that i can
I have a clingy girlfriend who needs attention at almost all times and I can't leave her be for very long or she gets depressed. I have ADHD, so it becomes exhausting after a while. I just wanna be left alone to do my own thing sometimes and will do whatever I can to do so. I can't spent 8 hours talking, I don't have the attention span and don't like small talk. I love hanging out with her, don't get me wrong, but I crave alone time to focus on my own stuff.
Did you try to openly talk it out with her?
Yes. She's aware of it, but it still affects her.
I get it, but we can give our SO what we have, not what we don't ^^.In my eyes, if I'd be in this position, I'd try hard, but try to make sure to not burnout myself as it can affect the relationship, and from experience if it goes too far it can pass the no-return point. My 2c...