this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They’ve been together over 40 years, I’d be fairly surprised. But if that’s who they are, I’d obviously support both of them.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I would suddenly feel very sad for the one of them that bottled it up for 40 years, and for the other who obviously has known for many of those years...

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Sometimes they are really good at hiding it for 40 years, leading to even worse heart break. Surely there was some denial involved, but still…

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’d be fucking pissed. You disowned me for how fucking long over my queerness and were gay the whole time‽

If mom was still alive and gay I’d be surprised but happy for her and probably try to set her up with someone. She actually took me to my first gay bar.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Upvote for interrobang

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Any gay person who comes out in my circle will get unconditional support.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My mom? Thank heavens, her taste in men is TRASH. Surely her taste in women has to be better.

Dad? I'd tell whoever told me that I don't care what my dad is up to.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You’d think but she’d just bring home a Shane type

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

So funnily enough, she has had romantic interest in 2-3 women in her life who were very close friends that were gregarious, successful,kind, and independent.

But she wasn't actually attracted to them. It's like her brain recognized "oh hey these people would be wonderful to have has life partners."

But she's not attracted to women. So yeah still hoping she'll decide she likes women. Cause my dad was rock bottom and her recent boy friends were looking for a new mom to take care of them at 55.

So yeah, her taste in women would hopefully stay high if she decides she is gay!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

My mother loathes the fact that my brother is gay, not even for religion reasons but because she's psychotic, so for her to come out would be highly satisfying because then maybe I could make her feel bad about it the way she makes him feel, cunt that she is.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

I know they won't, because my parents are devout Muslims.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

I'd be very surprised because neither of them have ever struck me as even so much as being bi (and I am, so I feel like my gaydar is at least tuned in a bit), but if either of them did come out, I would of course be very supportive.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

My actual parents, or hypothetical parents?

My real ones, it would be fine. They've always backed me being active with gay rights issues going back to the eighties. They had no issues with my openly gay friends. They even let two of those friends live with us for a while. So, if it turned out they were gay the entire time, it might be a bit surprising that it took so long to come out to me, when I'm the extended family's established "safe out" person; I'm the one the people in the family come to for that because I've been very open about support.

Hypothetically, if it weren't my actual parents, it would really depend on the circumstances how I would show support. Someone coming out to you is a big deal. They'll have individual needs and hopes from the decision, so navigating that without a history to pull from for predicting those needs and hopes can be thorny.

Like, some folks want the support to be super casual, like "Yeah? Cool, what's for dinner?". Others might need hugs and reassurance, or calm verbal recognition, or even celebration. It could be anything; there's some folks that want/need it to be a little opposed or otherwise rocky because they can't believe, in their hearts, that it's possible for it to go smoothly. Without a little "drama", they stay stressed. Mind you, I'm not really able to do real drama, though I can fake being upset it didn't happen sooner as long as I can make it lighthearted and a little jokey.

Seriously, anyone reading this far, be the person that people come out to early on in their process of coming out. It's such a beautiful thing to be part of.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I can’t know how I would react unless that actually happens.

This is really important for people to understand.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

it would deeply pain me that they've had to suffer staying in the closet for so long, but i would be happy that they are now free to be what they feel they need to be.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I would feel very sorry for both of them.

My parents are in their 80s. They've been married 50+ years. I know that they came very close to divorce at one point, and ultimately only stayed together because their religion says that you shouldn't divorce (except in cases of physical abuse and infidelity). To discover that they had stayed married, and both of them miserable, for 50+ years because of a bullshit religion would be heartbreaking.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Oh look, that dumb shit pile of ash is still a dumb shit pile of ash, but now it's even more hypocritical and has dicks in it.

I did not have great parents....

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I'd be surprised since neither has wanted anything to do with me for over a decade

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I'd probably have to help my mom accept herself, but she's actually open minded when engaged in sincere conversation. I'd probably have to help her reconcile her faith with her sexuality, which won't be too hard. She's actually one of "the good ones," when it comes to being very Christian but also the parent of a queer child. (Me)

My step-dad would be interesting. If he came out it would be a genuine shock given he is a bigot. While it might feel really good to point and laugh at him, and not care what happens after he comes out to his very conservative family, thinking on it I'd rather offer my support to him and maybe gain an ally. I could at the very least be out to him. I'm not currently because I don't know how he'd take it and I live in his house.

My dad's dead. If he was alive I wouldn't be a part of his life. If someone told me he came out, I would say, "Neat!" Then move on with my day.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Honestly, I’d chuckle to myself and then let them know that doesn’t absolve them of the decades of hell they put hundreds of kids through by being very vocal against it in community leadership. They have some cleanup to do. I’ll help with the cleanup, but you got some cleanup to do.

[–] WhimsicalSofa 6 points 1 year ago

Well, my step-mom already came out to me as bi as soon as I came out to her, so that would be a bit anticlimactic, but if she decided to come out in a more public way I’d be happy for her.

My other parents are all dead, so that would be very weird.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

"Wait a second. The how i was..." [Fading away into nonexistence]

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

“I hope it wasn’t too hard on you; I’m thankful it took you some time to figure out but I'm glad you did”.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

My dad surprised, my mom I sorta see it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

“Congratulations on coming out and I’m so glad you trust me.”

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Very thorough response! Thank you for sharing. I'm gay myself and just thought it was an interesting question to ask. I had an older guy in his 60s at a gay event tell me he has been married to a woman for 40 years and finally came out. He said she accepts him and "knew" for years. They have adult children together and are staying together. It was a fascinating conversation.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

deleted by creator

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Probably disown me

Edit: read the question wrong. Pretty surprised tbh but whatever, I'm fine with it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I would find it completely uninteresting. Everyone has a type.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I won't react

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I'd laugh and walk away shaking my head. It's a kinda hard to explain but it's them being in that situation thing. If my brother or sister did I'd be fine not really react as it's not a big deal.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Would be hilarious knowing them but I'd support them for sure.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Well, my mother's name is a male name where we live. So not much would change.

[–] pantyhosewimp 2 points 1 year ago

My dad was almost a duplicate of the ex-Marine neighbor in the movie American Beauty. So, 1) I would not be too surprised but 2) if he came out to you your life is in danger.

My mom would never have actually come out either. She would have insisted that, “Oh, don’t be crude! She and I are just good friends,” until death.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

It doesn't change anything in my life particularly, as long as my parent is happy, why would I really care who they choose for a partner?