dingus

My entire life, I have always been told that I am "overemotional", "overreacting", etc. to any given situation. Whenever anything bad is happening to me or someone else, I am not supposed to respond or react because it makes me "overdramatic". I don't understand how people just stand by and let assholes be assholes either to themselves or to others. I am never ok with that and I get frustrated at injustices. But it has gotten me into trouble my entire life.

Why is it that my feelings are less valid than others? Why am I supposed to let people walk all over me? Why don't I matter?

Lemmy, I have a problem. I fuck up social interactions incredibly frequently, far more often and severely than others do.

I will be speaking what I feel is casually and consistently, and the person I am speaking with will suddenly have a significant change in their demeanor and speech. It both makes me feel bad that they react this way and frustrates me that I made an incorrect interaction.

This doesn't really occur with people I don't know well. Rather, it occurs with the people I spend the most time with...my coworkers. I am forced to interact with them all day due to my specific job. With one of them, I would consider them to be my only friend.

I have noticed that they all have specific unspoken "triggers" of speech or behavior that I need to minimize or hide when in front of them. But there are always instances where I cannot recognize a pattern. And even when I can kind of figure out a pattern, I sometimes fail to implement it.

You know the phrase, "think before you speak" right? But how the hell does one apply that to large swaths of conversations that occur all day long? It would be incredibly jarring and odd for me to make large pauses between each and every sentence I make. Is there a better shortcut to this?

Here are some examples of "off limits" speech/behavior patterns that I have noticed among various people:

Coworker 1 - speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety), making a workplace error, anxious body language (this one is particularly difficult)

Coworker 2 - speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety), statements that are too negative, offering to let them leave work early

Coworker 3 - statements that are too negative, mentioning my dad, statements that may give them too much anxiety (sometimes difficult to discern), talking about coworker 1 too much in a negative way (even tho we both think coworker 1 is a removed)

Coworker 3 also has repeatedly told me that I can come to them with issues, but they always get upset if I say something too negative. They seem to occasionally ask me trick questions too like "are you ok?" even though I know I'm not supposed to answer truthfully. I don't understand this behavior or how to deal with it.

Coworker 4 - talking too much in general about any topic (they would just prefer I shut up tbh unless there is zero work)

Yes, there is some overlap among them, but they still have a lot of differences that are difficult for me to discern.

I mean, I guess the "easiest" solution would to try to never talk again outside of any speech that is immediately necessary to do my job. Coworker 4 essentially does this. But it is tricky to do and a bit depressing. As a human (I think??), I am unfortunately a social creature. And it does get a bit frustrating that I can't be authentically me.

Would appreciate some guidance. Sorry for the long post and thanks if you stuck around this far!

Sometimes I tend to feel some type of way during this sort of holiday. So I thought I would give everyone a shout-out. This community doesn't seem particularly active. Not sure if there are bigger ace communities on Lemmy that I'm not aware of.

But I hope you all have a great Friday and weekend. :)

This is sort of an odd prompt but I'll elaborate.

I've always been a lone wolf. Primarily it has been due to intense social anxiety. I also fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. So I've mostly gone though life by myself. Friendships and relationships have just never been a thing for me. I'm also in my 30s, so it's not as if I'm going to change the way I am.

Several years back, I started working my current job. Most people I worked with were either ok or were assholes. But there was one who was always kind to me. She always jokes around with me and was cheerful and happy when everyone else was a grumpy asshole. We work only a few feet from each other for hours almost every single day.

Through the years, I noticed myself getting happy when she would arrive at work or when our schedules would overlap more. I am happy every day to see her and enjoy spending time with her. I absolutely never get tired of seeing her and look forward to it every single day. She has even called me a friend on numerous occasions which I have almost never had anyone do before. We spend our days simultaneously working and also trying to out goober one another. She started referring to me as her friend at one point and it made me really happy whenever she would say it.

She is married and has children and has her own busy life outside of work. I often feel bad whenever I end up texting her outside of work because I know I am taking her away from where she wants to be. She's not one of those parents that spends their off hours getting away from the household...she is the opposite...wanting to spend every waking moment not at work with her kids.

It's selfish and wrong of me, but sometimes I get jealous when she interacts with her other work friend. Or it sometimes makes me sad to know that I most likely don't mean as much to her as she does to me. I would do honestly absolutely anything for her. I even let her family stay with me for a few days when they were temporarily without power or water.

When I see my other coworkers, I honestly could take them or leave them. But my whole day gets brightened when I see my one coworker that I am close to. I never get tired of seeing her.

I've almost never ever had this happen before. The only ever time this happened was with another sweet, funny, coworker who eventually moved away. I liked both of them very much and it pained me so much when the other left. I was depressed for months.

Since I'm an asexual, I never really see people and want to make out or have sex with them. But is that what is happening with my brain? Is my description normal friend behavior or is it wrong for me to feel this level of happiness and connection around my coworker? Is it normal to like a friend this much or is there something wrong with me? Am I supposed to try to find other people instead to have this sort of feeling with instead of my coworker? Is it wrong to want to hang out outside of work? Where is the line supposed to be drawn between what is socially acceptable and what isn't?

Thanks. I'm stupid ig.

I've always wondered this. Some people have trouble with dating because they try to go for people out of their league who don't like them back. But society also tells us that we can't choose who we are attracted to. Like for example, no one makes a "choice" to be gay.

So what happens when you're only attracted to those out of their league that will never ever like them back?

Do the people with this issue still date? But when they date, they lie to their partner that they are into them? I have been on a couple of dates with someone I wasn't into before. It make me incredibly guilty and dishonest that I did not like them back.

Curious as to the experience/thoughts of others.

Apologies if this is the wrong community. I will remove on request. Thanks.

I'm in my early 30's and I've literally always been curious about this. I've never in my life had the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I've never been on any meds or had any sort of traumatic experiences...it's just the way I've always been even if I try. I'm old enough to say that I'm way beyond simply being a "late bloomer". It's just something I'll never experience.

But it often feels like I'm missing a minor sense like taste or smell or something. Everyone has always raved about the taste of dessert, but I've never been able to understand or experience it. Can you describe it in detail it for me? Not just the mental part, but the physical part as well?

Thank you.

Sincerely, An Outsider

I have been trying out various therapy services lately (they all suck and do nothing, but that's another topic). One of the things that the therapists always ask/say is if I do "self care" or tell me to do more "self care". They talk about all kinds of different things that range from eating right to eating something as a treat to exercising to going for a walk to finding a hobby to etc.

So it seems like "self care" is literally anything that benefits your existence. And I'm quite frankly confused. I live alone and have zero responsibilities outside of work. Isn't every moment of every day when I'm not working considered self care? When I go home at the end of the day, I have dinner and dick around on the internet. I don't have kids or pets so there's nothing else to worry about. I don't have any extra responsibilities. My continued existence is "self care". I don't get it.

What I would understand in all of this is if I had maybe like kids or a sick family member I had to take care of. Is that who "self care" is for? People that have extra responsibilities? Because for those of us loners, basically our entire existence is self care. So I'm confused at what any of that is supposed to accomplish. I already do everything for myself.

Context: I'm in my early 30s. I've only been on a date like once in my life a decade ago and it was awkward and I hated it. The guy was nice but I didn't know what I was doing and then he wanted to kiss and I didn't (and still don't) know how to do that either and I found it unpleasant.

I do not have the capacity for attraction like 99% of the world does, so I figured it meant that I cannot date anyone since I am incompatible with the world. I have always been that way and it was very confusing growing up. It's ok for the most part but it can get a bit lonely.

I also have intense social anxiety. My only friends are online and one coworker.

Well I will be visiting with a stranger who I am closer on the same page with in terms of them not instantaneously expecting sex. But I am panicking a little bit still and still don't know what to do about the attractiveness thing. I've not done anything like this before.

We're going to a nature trail. Tbh I wish it was an environment where I could have a drink because that helps me relax, but it doens't really make sense in this context lol.

I guess I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for but idk help lol

Thanks

When I'm frustrated or anxious or upset, I vent to the few friends I have. This is a negative coping mechanism as it damages our relationships. I also experience extreme remorse after doing so, which further perpetuates it because I'm constantly asking to be forgiven.

Earlier this year I tried to see a therapist and ask for advice on this. She dismissed me and said that it's ok to do that and you can't simply keep everything inside.

She was incorrect and was also a shitty therapist for various reasons (she was 15-30 minutes late to each session and just dismissed anything I said).

I'm hopefully trying again with a new therapist soon, but I need advice in the meantime. It is actively damaging my relationships.

"Journaling" is not an option because I can't stop what I'm doing at work to go journal something whenever the need arises.

Thanks all. I can delete on request if needed.

Edit: Ok no worries guys it was definitely just the tub leaking! It just took several hours for it to stop dripping afterwards which is why I was confused at whether or not it was the tub or something else. All is well! It's a very infrequently used shower/tub so I hadn't noticed anything prior.

I'm guessing it's likely the tub drain itself that was leaking or it's possible one of the outflow pipes leaked from there. Either way it's not an urgent fix thankfully! I just posted this a bit hastily I suppose. I appreciate the comments!

Hello. So the other night I had a tub filled up with water for a prolonged period of time. I do not typically use the tub in that bathroom. The tub water was stagnant and thus the leak would not have been caused by inadequate caulking between the tub and wall.

Today I have awoken to find that my ceiling below the upstairs bathroom is wet and there is a dripping noise in the wall downstairs roughly under the tub.

I have drained the tub about 20 minutes ago, but there is still a slow, but continuous dripping noise in the wall below the bathroom. Since the dripping noise is still occurring at the same slow pace, does that mean it is unlikely to actually be dripping from the drain or pipework that drains from the tub?

My unit has a shared wall with the neighbor, so there is a chance that there is actually something leaking from their unit instead of mine.

Is there a way I can troubleshoot this a bit further without immediately ripping out the walls? Even if I can't find the exact source, just narrowing it down to something with the neighbor versus my own bathroom would be helpful.

I can't call a plumber right now because we literally just had a hurricane so they are going to be tied up for a bit.

Thanks all.

First, apologies if this isn't appropriate for a community called "casual conversation". I just don't know of another conversational community to post in. I am more than happy to delete this on request.

Does anyone out there seem to get addicted to their bad moods? Like, you've been feeling down on and off for a week. Instead of seeking out media, conversations, etc. that you know you like and makes you happy, you'd prefer to keep absorbing unhappy media and talking about unhappy things to keep you unhappy. It's almost like you begin to enjoy being unhappy and you don't want it to stop. What the fuck is even that though? Are some people just meant to be insufferable like that? I don't understand why this happens. When I'm happy, I want to continue to be happy. When I'm down, I want to continue to be down even if there is no discernible reason.

Just curious on your thoughts. Thanks for your time.

For context, my job involves the use of voice dictation software constantly for 8 hours a day. So I am constantly talking to the computer and thus my threshold to talking to others is significantly reduced.

I also generally enjoy talking as it is in my nature. So I need to combat that.

There is also the caveat that...for politeness and problem solving sake, I still need to be able to respond to questions from others (which is often).

With this in mind, how can I work towards never speaking to anyone unprompted? Does anyone have any specific techniques I can use? I think what I'm really missing is a method. It's like trying to pain the Mona Lisa without knowing any painting techniques. Thanks.