Because even though they feel the need to seek physical intimacy from someone else, they still want the stability and safety a relationship brings.
this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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I don't understand why society demonizes that (the multiple people thing, not the lack of communication). If that's what's best for my partner, who am I to stop them? What does exclusivity even get me besides limiting my jealousy?
In most cultures betraying contracts is usually considered bad, and relationships are basically intimate and emotional contracts. Trust is important even in business contracts, but in interpersonal ones its ESSENTIAL. If you entered into a polyamorous relationship, cool, thats the contract all parties agreed to, but if it wasnt specifically polyamorous its defaults to monogamous, and if you breach that trust, you're probably not getting it back, and without trust ever having a healthy relationship again is probably gone
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That makes sense but I think real reason is they get off doing something so terrible and evil and immoral. I get it.
Very black and white view of things. Bad history?
Because you need to be brave. Cheaters are cowards.
Cause I'm single and trying to pass this math test
Betraying the trust of your significant other ❌
Flagrant violation of academic integrity ✅
People aren't honest enough with each other and their own needs. Meanwhile we build other dependencies in long term relationships that have nothing to do with physical attraction, but are in most cases more important for all kinds of reasons.
Monogamy is the basis of a lot of unnecessary suffering because it's resisting a very real need we continue to have even when our relationships become romantically stagnant. If we could all just be honest about it with our SOs without fear, and work together as we do anyway to maintain other commitments to each other, we could have a culture where there's a lot more freedom to seek more intimacy and love in a way that isn't dishonest, that isn't "cheating".
This is a very thoughtful and adult take.
I've never understood the concept of cheating in general. Basically what a person says is that they don't want their significant other to experience any kind of intimacy or sexual relationships with any other person except for them for the rest of their lives.
I've always seen that as kinda unfair.
On the other hand if I'm in a relationship I typically don't feel the need or desire to have relations with any other person even when the opportunity presents itself.
I have a friend though that is hopelessly in love with his girlfriend but regularly engages in sexual relations with other women. For him, it's not an emotional activity, it's just a physical one.
But you're absolutely right open honest communication is absolutely key.
What makes cheating, cheating, is the betrayal of trust involved more than any specific acts of intimacy. The reality is in monogamous relationships merely falling for someone else, even without then knowing how you feel, already feels like a betrayal in your heart as a loyal partner who wishes you only had eyes for your SO and nobody else. Even porn in some cases is a betrayal. It's a whole lot of unnecessary suffering not to acknowledge how the overwhelming majority of us won't mentally thrive under these conditions. Therefore, setting expectations appropriate for your situation is key.
For my part, my SO understands that due in part to her relatively low sex drive and complete lack of initiative, certain needs of mine aren't being met, and we've talked about it. I still love her deeply, and we have recently had a child, and I have every intention of meeting my obligations as a father and partner for the rest of my life. But, there's a real possibility I could fall for someone else one day. I already have friends who I can say I love and would jump at the opportunity to be intimidate with should they show that kid of interest. What interests me though, are loving bonds, not hookups (I mean STD risks and all sorts. Ew). I want to be close with those who I sleep with, and i want them to know I love my partner and will always be there for her and our child. But, there's space for them too, if they want in. Ideally, my partner likes and accepts them too - and the more close they are as friends (or even lovers too) the better.
In any case, that's the dream I guess. Nothing has happened yet, and I find with a baby to look after, I'm in no rush, and certainly even with everything out in the open, it's still too much drama to navigate at the moment. But if it does happen one day, at least it won't result in a litany of lies that lead to guilt and suffering all around. At least, that's the idea. I know it will never be quite that easy in reality, but it wouldn't be life otherwise!
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Remember that Beyonce song about the guy who cheated on her, but it's cool because she wasn't that into him and the other guy she's been seeing is on his way over to replace him?
Sometimes everybody sucks at being in a relationship.
I really hope songs like this die out.
Kinda like how millennials killed Boomer Humor and the "I hate my wife" jokes, GenZ should kill songs about being a POS.
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Cheating is for young people and mentally ill adults who haven't fixed their impulse control
Adulting requires making partner and family the priority if you signed for it.
I think i disagree on being cheating is for young people. I know plenty of teenagers and young adults that are loyal to a fault.
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Its not the most sensitive info here, but you shouldn't censor things using non-opaque markings. It's pretty trivial to throw the image in an editor, crank up the brightness, and see what's behind the censor in this case. Just wanna let you know in case you happen to do this to some sensitive info
Someone should have told my exwife this handy life hack. Would have saved me untold grief and depression. However, life can throw you a beautiful little surprise after a nightmare. If it wasn't for that godawful woman, I never would have met the love of my life, the woman who I spent my whole life waiting for and now enjoying what it means to be happily married to my biggest crush, my best friend and waking up right next to her and our little family every morning. I can safely say it was all worth it. It could have been easier to get here but I'd do it again on legendary difficulty if I had to.
I have an baseless theory that people that first has sexual experience when they were young or in strict households and had to sneak around and hide their relationships are more likely to want to chest because the "thrill" of hiding the relationship and tabbooness of it reminds them of their formative sexaul experiences.
Aye, I think that's why there's so much step sister step brother porn as well
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Because being adult in age isn't at all the same thing as being adult in maturity plus often people derive different benefits in different kinds of relationships so they want to keep both going (for example, somebody in his or her 40s happilly married with kids and yet getting excitement and sexual pleasure with a younger lover).
Also there are often huge social and financial implications to breaking up certain types of relationships or under certain conditions, but people might still be irresistibly drawn to something else, so they play a game to both sides not wanting the costs nor willing to run the risk of losing one to get the other.
It's a mix of selfishness, immaturity, cowardice and people changing over time and discovering that the stable relationship they're in doesn't fit them (either anymore or they get to a point were they figure out it never trully did)
Sometimes ending the relationship will harm third parties, but the core relationship is harmful to one or both of the people in it. In a case like that cheating may be the least bad option.
No.
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Yeah, I never understood it either. Either have an open relationship with consent, or communicate whatever needs you have that you want to fulfill by cheating properly, and accept that it may not work out if there is truly no way to meet them. I guess I can at least abstractly understand when it happens spur-of-the moment and under the influence of drugs/alcohol, but I still can't properly put myself in those shoes.
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