this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024

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We Got You (mander.xyz)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

37 comments fedilink hide all child comments

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[–] [email protected] 118 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Thoughts and prayers for the one patient for whom it actually was a freak accident

[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Probably the priest who fell on a potato while cooking naked

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

How'd you know he was a priest if he was naked?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 8 months ago

He was praying when it happened. "Oh my god"

[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago

Fun fact: If you actually fell and landed on something with enough force to make it's way inside of you the object would quite literally rip your asshole. When it's a true accident, it's very clear due to the blood loss and whatnot

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld when Frank gets a pasta statue stuck up his ass

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Million-to-one shot, doc!

[–] [email protected] 90 points 8 months ago (1 children)

If i ever get something stuck up my ass while trying to pleasure myself and need medical help to remove it, I will absolutely try to come up with the most convoluted and ridiculous story for how it got there. Not out of embarrasment, but just to give the ER nurses a good laugh.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Again?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Daily

[–] [email protected] 88 points 8 months ago

This sign is bullshit, I accidentally put my prostate massager in my butt all the time, sometimes twice in one day.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 8 months ago

This sign was made by someone who's never wiped with single-ply before.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 8 months ago (3 children)

...and I got news for you, if someone is trying to get you to pull marbles out their ass, then that's their fetish... Because no one is worried that small marble sized balls won't eventually come out naturally... They're looking to bring attention that they're up there (and possibly to get someone to try to get them out). People are weird.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 8 months ago

Given US healthcare, that's gotta be more expensive than a leather fetish.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago

Speaking from experience? 🤔

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Dude, if I have anything up my ass, I'm going to the hospital asap.

"it's going to come out anyway" sounds like Darwin-award last words

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I mean, if you cannot pass marbles naturally, you might have other issues a doc should take a look at.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago (2 children)

"Million to one shot, doc"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago

"We are discreet. But we also think it's funny."

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago

... that sign ... they just kept it because it seemed funny after they retrieved it from a pacient.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (4 children)

Wait, why an apple?

[–] [email protected] 31 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Because pineapples are a bit trickier, obviously

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Especially if there is already a pizza in there - people get rally mad & very political

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Why would you ruin a perfectly good pineapple by putting it on pizza when you can ruin it by shoving it up your ass

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

Relatively smooth, round and 'filling', comes with a convenient stem to hold on to that definitely won't break on extraction

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

... I can only assume it's like peanut butter with dogs, but you know, for horses.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Exactly, I don't get the appeal.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (4 children)

Egg? What if it cracks?!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Fastest salmonella in the west.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

It comes out the way it went in 😂

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

What if it's fertilized?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Scramble it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

My MMA trainer said it was actually more effective to boof raw eggs than drinking them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

South Park did an entire episode on it, so it must be true.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Missed the opportunity to put a golden watch on that picture.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I know a medical coder that works exclusively with an ER. Oh the stories I've heard...