this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2024
271 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

15808 readers
2951 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
271
DELETED (www.foxbusiness.com)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by ptz@dubvee.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
 

Edit: Fuck some of these comments Y'all sick in the head. I'm out.

all 49 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 121 points 4 months ago (3 children)

This does come off a lot like "Let's all ask God to do the important and urgent things I chose not to do."

As Dale Carnegie says, prayer is what we try after we've exhausted every practical option. If God exists, they clearly want us to do our best with available options before begging them to solve our problems.

(Side note: if God exists, they have a lot to answer for, and there's non-trivial evidence that they might be a raging asshole. Maybe a stupid choice of ally in the tough times ahead.)

CEOs have a lot of practical options. I don't know if Pat exhausted those options, but it's hard to give any CEO the benefit of the doubt after the last decade of pervasive "line must go up regardless of the obvious short, medium and long term consequences for absolutely everyone concerned."

So pardon me if I'm not impressed with trying to pray away those consequences.

[–] zephorah@lemm.ee 47 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That is a primary intention of the three Abrahamic religions, hence all the old societal law embedded in the texts. Hence why so many prefer cherry picking the laws, even the “believers” know they’re outdated.

They’re intended as a means to rule people but in much much smaller numbers. The population base is far too unwieldy for any of it, and has been for a while.

I’m digressing.

The idea of prayer is embedded in that form of rule. Don’t ask the leadership, ask god. It’s not my fault god didn’t answer your prayers, that’s on you for not having enough faith. Here, let me help you with that by advising you to tighten up your obedience to the societal laws we put in the text, then you can try praying again. Maybe, if you’re good enough, maybe then your prayer will be answered. Just don’t ask me, the leadership, to try to solve it.

It’s a great way to get people to put their heads down and obey the (religious) government. Again though, intended for smaller population at inception.

[–] SquiffSquiff@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

There are rather more than three Abrahamic religions, there's also:

  • Baha'i (Corrected)
  • Rastafari
  • Momormonism

Amongst others

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago

While there are certainly some bonkers deviations at the level of theology (Mormonism theology tends to be childishly literal where it departs from Nicene Christianity, as it is at its heart an anti-intellectual and inherently out-group long-con), and of course there are the extra sacred texts and culty tendencies, Mormons view themselves as firmly within the Christian tradition, and they are culturally more in line than not with Christians than other Abrahamic adherents. I think it's stretching to count them as an entirely different religion.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Baha'i* the guy's title is Baha'u'llah

[–] SquiffSquiff@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Thanks and apologies I've edited this in my post

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

No worries, most people haven't even heard of it before :)

[–] TammyTobacco@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Using they/them when referring to the Christian god. Perfect.

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 6 points 4 months ago

Yep. I figure God can put their pronouns in a quick update (no doubt written in flames on a wall somewhere - basic courtesy, nowadays), or is probably content with the neutral terms.

[–] szczuroarturo@programming.dev 6 points 4 months ago

He actually had what seemed like a pretty good long term plan. Buuut probably beacuse the line did not go up in the short to medium term he was ousted. I think ( Im not really sure why they fired him ).

[–] Darkard@lemmy.world 58 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"If we pray hard enough then God will swoop down from heaven and raise your salary"

[–] ptz@dubvee.org 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And if you're too hard-hit as an employee, you can always fast to save money.

[–] Breezy@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

So to save money you recommend the poors to starve. Aye aye AdmiralPrick!

[–] AshMan85@lemmy.world 58 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 months ago

The French invented a tool which checks if they’re made of cake or not

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 39 points 4 months ago (1 children)

If he said, "Every Thursday I do a 24-hour voodoo dance and shake my magic rattle," he would be called a loon.

[–] nixcamic@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"people who confirm to the majority culture are considered more normal than those who don't" thanks for that insight.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 32 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The CEO of a company asking his employees to fast and pray with them is absolutely not the majority culture nor is it normal. That's fucking weird. This guy is a loon

[–] nixcamic@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Two thirds of American adults identify at Christian. That's about 3x the total number of people who practice Voodoo worldwide. So yeah Christian practices are "normal" to most an Americans and Voodoo isn't....

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Christian practices have nothing to do with the idea of a CEO telling you to fast and pray. That's not normal. You can dance around it all you want but it's fucking weird.

[–] nixcamic@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Those are literally core tennets of Christianity. It doesn't matter if I think it's weird, or you think it's weird, most people are gonna be ok with it.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

No, most people are not okay with it. We don't live in a theocracy. It ain't normal. Stop trying to normalize it.

[–] nixcamic@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

I'm just trying to figure out what you mean by "Christian practices" that doesn't include a prayer or fasting.

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 4 months ago

Is taking orders from the CEO of Intel a core tennet of Christianity?

It's fucking weird.

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 31 points 4 months ago (2 children)

In 2013, Gelsinger co-founded Transforming the Bay with Christ (TBC), a coalition of business leaders, venture capitalists, non-profit leaders and pastors that aims to convert one million people over the next decade. He helped establish the Sacramento-area Christian institution William Jessup University from which he also received an honorary doctorate.

Sweet zombie jesus... 🙄

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 5 points 4 months ago

Infiltrate.

Subvert.

Corrupt.

Destroy.

Do to their instituions what they did to others.

[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 3 points 4 months ago

moore is rolling in his grave.

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 26 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

I don’t even know what I’d do as CEO.

Pat’s direction was spot on. Cut “side” divisions to focus on their core, stick with long term bets most CEOs wouldn’t (like the GPU division) and try to cut the delays.

…But the delays keep coming!

If they just can’t launch products on time with whatever rot is in the company, I’m not sure what Intel is supposed to do.

…So whoever they hire as CEO now is probably there to just distribute golden parachutes and eat the company as it dies :/

[–] Wrench@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Maybe being transparent about their manufacturing defects would have been a good start.

Ohh, all of our users are getting frequent BSODs? SMOKE BOMB!

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 4 points 4 months ago

Ohh, all of our users are getting frequent BSODs? SMOKE BOMB!

I read that in Krieger's voice

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

…So whoever they hire as CEO now is probably there to just distribute golden parachutes and eat the company as it dies :/

This is assuming there isn't some gold in the pipeline. Timeline on a new CPU design is about 8 years from first drawings to actual silicon hitting media test benches, meaning whatever was started in 2019 and 2020 could be absolutely killer and just cooking to perfection in the R&D oven...assuming R&D was kept sufficiently funded and the engineering talent retained to see such a process through

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Their CPUs are mostly fine now. The “small” cores are very competitive in servers because they are so small for their perf, and TBH that desktop drama was marketing clocking the CPUs way too high to squeak out 4% more benchmark performance.

It’s… everything else that’s the problem, as work is increasingly shifting away from CPUs. They are totally screwed if they cut funding for Arc, in particular, or if they don’t secure any real fab customers.

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh yeah real talk they've got some killer datacenter chips, be that networking, CPU or GPU. They're continuing to work on bleeding edge technologies for hyperscalers, and they've got no shortage of insane potential. But when they release two generations of desktop processors with hardware bugs it really puts a heck of a stain on such a stellar portfolio and makes it a lot easier for enterprises to look at AMD for their datacenter and client processors (especially when they're absolutely killing it like they have been in both segments!)

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Eh Intel’s data center GPUs suck. Gaudi was okay, but gained no critical mass and is being phased out, Xe-HPC is being phased out and was hardly used anywhere, even Falcon Shores keeps getting delayed and looks to be in trouble going by statements about focusing on “consumer inference.” They seem dead in the water here, which is very worrying.

The MI300X is actually good, but AMD totally blew it by ignoring a few glaring software issues and not seeding development with consumer GPUs, hence it’s not gaining much traction. The MI300A (the big APU) basically isn’t available or cost effective in any cloud instances.

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 23 points 4 months ago

I hope someone makes a Tiktok account where they post videos of terrified CEOs sprinting to their cars followed by bored looking security detail.

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 18 points 4 months ago

I don't know how to not be insulted by this and I really worry about anyone person who read that and agreed with him.

[–] solomon42069@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago

Who let Nigel Farage out of his cage?

[–] watson387@sopuli.xyz 8 points 4 months ago

Fuck you Mr Gelsinger

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 6 points 4 months ago

Corporate wellness has a new look for the Trump era

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

Something tells me his name has been added to some vigilante list with the current CEO climate.

How tone deaf can you be?