I don't envy the Onion writers in this day and age.
this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2025
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It must be extremely difficult to be more absurd than the actual news.
They should just report completely boring news as if Kamala Harris had won.
Start up a mirror site, literally name it noinO ehT, for news from an alternate universe. Have each site refer to the other as surrealist satire.
But they'd have to invent stories!
"Corporations Run Everything"
Works in either timeline!
Several satirists, including Stephen Colbert, and John Stewart, and John Oliver have all commented that they are very tired of hearing the whole “the Republicans are in power, so your job must be much easier!”
They are all, quite vociferously, against this. Each one of them has individually, and commonly, claimed that, “no, it doesn’t make it easier at all. The jokes may be funnier, but we all still have to live through this shit.” they are insist that they hate this as much as everyone else does. They’re just trying to make the best of it.
They are people too.
My argument was actually that it's probably harder for satirists to come up with more ludicrous ideas and statements than actual people say in this day and age, not easier.
they can't make things up that's more ridiculous than what's going on so the only thing they have left is just funny framing. this headline is literally true, it's just the wording that gives away that it's not from another news source
They're hiring editors just to pare the number of stories to a manageable level.
Fuck Cuck Schumer
I will never vote for him again.
Better yet, support the next candidate willing to primary him in the next election.
Make sure to spread the word with like-minded and/or politically disengaged friends, family and colleagues.
Given its New York State, the winner of the primary will be the winner of the general election.
This is what you're voting for when you pull the lever for a Democrat.
Dems are pissed at him.
No. Dems are just putting on a show, same as they always do. The only difference is the villains have changed.
No, Dems are pissed at him, and at the Congressional Dems who supported him. You just can't understand that Schumer and those elected Dems are not the majority of the Dems. They're just the people in power.
Respectfully, you're wrong.
I remember when Dems were supposedly mad at Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema.
I remember when they were supposedly mad at Dianne Feinstein before that.
This is a play. That's all it is. They pretend to be mad but never actually use any of the power they have to hold these people accountable, and Chuck's been pulling this shit long enough that they know who they're dealing with. They put him in that position knowing exactly who he is.
Shutting down the government usually doesn't go well. It didn't go well for republicans either.
Don’t sell that narrative. The REPUBLICANS have majorities in both chambers.
If they don’t like the filibuster, it is a rule that they can choose to change.
They would be the ones who shut down the country.
Schumer is protecting the filibuster, but for what possible use.