Bisexual

Dating apps are demoralizing for most people. Never take them personally.

When my son approached me with a similar ramble I told him to not worry about the label. Sometimes it’s encouraging to find a label we fit and it makes us feel more like part of a group rather than alone. That is valuable but any label is also constraining. If you don’t fit a label, it’s the label that is limiting, not you. You should do what works best for you, regardless whether it fits any specific label. And that includes not doing it if that is best for you at this time

Do lesbians who like butch women a cop out?

Point is, you do you. Everyone is different and has different tastes. It's not a distortion it's just you being you. And you are enough. Just have to find someone who sees that potential in you, that's a partner.

Speaking as a bi/pan person myself, why is it important what kind of men you like? Like, feminine men are a preference of yours and that's fine: it's a preference. Just like you can have a preference for jock-ish ripped people or for pasty lean guys. If you're attracted to them, you're attracted to them.

For example, I like men that have similar political beliefs as I do, that are a little more alternative-leaning, and if they're vegan, I might just lose it already lol. The rest is pretty irrelevant. Don't get me wrong - I'll know if I find a man attractive based on looks. But the three other points are more important to me, so they'll usually make the person more attractive to me as a result. I could see myself engaging with them one way or another. Know what I mean?

You shouldn't have to feel bad about having a preference is all I'm trying to say. And it's not a cop out either. The good thing about dating and queerness is that you don't have to settle for someone you think you should settle for because of preconceived societal norms but you actually get to choose.

Just a couple thoughts of mine, hope it helps someway. :) ✨

A feminine man is still a man. Its not about being feminine or masculine - your logic is like saying dating a masculine woman makes you gay.

Stop defining yourself and your sexual preferences through the lense of social expectations and acceptability. Youre basically just living your life playing by rules someone else wrote. Why limit yourself like that?

You sound like me before I learned what asexuality is.

"People pick their labels don't they? maybe this one for me."

Then I'd go over and over in my head wondering why it never worked. Then came the answer to all my questions - I was None of the Above ™.