I ignore the question and ask what they really want
this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2025
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I always go for D asap which ends up being C. I don't want to have a superficial conversation with someone I may never see again. For some reason I am more commonly asked "Any plans for the weekend?" and I always just say "nope" which usually ends the conversation there. One time someone hit me with a "Any plans for the holiday?" which really threw me off because I didn't have a canned response and I said "I'm picnicking" and I just felt so awkward and embarrassed that I froze and felt like covering my face.
My day moves endlessly forward through time, and there is nothing I can do to change its direction.
Protip: in small talk/office chitchat C is often functionally D.
C for me because if I want you to know how my day is going, I'll let you know.
I continue to do A. Helps me find other neurodivergent peeps and makes others uncomfortable. Sorts people out for me 🙂
There are 10,000 true things you could say. But you're choosing the in-your-face truth to share. And that's OK maybe, but don't let your choice turn you into a jerk.
I can't help but to do A.
I'm in my late 30s, and only realized a couple years ago that option A wasn't always the right answer.
The doctor asked me this at my last visit. Before I could stop myself, I responded "You tell me".
A while back, once I realized it's a greeting not a question, I started answering with "so far so good". It's just as banal as "fine thanks" but it's non standard and makes people laugh. To be clear, I didn't intend it to be funny. Idk why people laugh, but I guess it's because it breaks the script in a gentle way. I honestly started saying it as a compromise between "fine thanks" and a genuine answer.
If I'm screwing with people I'll say "badly but I'm getting used to it".
Exactly. So many people just don't understand it. Nobody actually wants to know how your day's going, it's just a fancy "hello". So I reply "hello" and have a little smile to myself while their face shows they're processing the non-sequitur.
Being German alone makes you hate that English question.
Do you want to hear it or not?!
Don't be surprised to get an answer!
Well you lot are just as bad. What's with Guten Tag? Good Day? Is it still the 1800s in Germany? We stopped using archaic language centuries ago.
This is how I feel. If you ask, I will tell you. If you don't want to know, why did you ask?
Apparently I have the soul of a German.
Jetzt bist du einer von uns! 🤗
Fair
“Good thanks, you?”
Or, “been better, so hot today”.
you’re suppose to either say good or say bad with a witty (small talk) reason, that’s it.
Might be cultural, but I never get bad reactions to A. Nobody wants your life story, but if you're brief, chances are nobody will bat an eye. e.g. 'tired', 'stressed'.
It does work, but it's harder to pull off because you need to give a short, relatable reason along with a negative (if not immediately obviously).
If you reply that you're stressed but you leave it at that, the other person won't know if they should ask you about it or not. If they do, they might be getting into a much harder, longer conversation than they were expecting to.
But if they don't ask, then they will feel like they're being rude, because you're supposed to help out other people if they're not well, so either way it probably won't be a pleasant experience for them.
If you offer something like "stressed, finals are coming up", then they can keep the conversation going by asking you about it, or they can just move on by wishing you luck or something to that effect and move on.
Yep 100%. Culturally where I'm at small talk is seen as having the purpose of starting an actual conversation, so 'stressed, finals are coming up' is ideal. Brief, not too deep, and invitation for conversation. But also said in a way so that's it's not rude for them to just say 'sorry, that sucks' isn't rude.
Always C. The asker isn't really asking a question. Their whole sentence actually is equivalent to them saying "hi".
Then just say fuckin „hi“. Wtf do you need this stupid dancing around for? How is it considered normal to ask an ~~ingenious~~ ingenuine question and answer with a lie? How am I the weird one in this scenario?
It's just a magic constant embedded in the standard conversational header, referencing an obsolete firmware version, but most users never update the client package so you have to ack it or you get undefined behavior.
Decades of conditioning is probably the most relevant piece of the answer.
I studied anthropology and the intricate rituals of the various neurotypicals for this very reason. The answer depends on what your culture determines to be weird, because usually we're considered differently weird different places.
A part of me dies when I say the lie
Because that's just how neurotypical brains work.
Trying to figure out a why for it will just drive you crazy, because it's not something anyone knows for sure.
I think it's more of a cultural thing, you grow up hearing that exchange and a neurotypical brain will just file it under "short, common greetings".
People don't even think about the meaning of the words, they just grab something from the "common greeting replies" drawer without even looking.
It's the amount of possible variations after that that make it a huge mess.
I did ask, do care :(
I'm at work in retail so my answer is E: skip the question entirely and ask what they'd like.
Normally works, except the one time I got called a cunt. One in 3 years is good odds though.
I played a merchant NPC for like five years, most people just treated me that way anyway, it was fine
A every time. They've volunteered to hear my complaints.
you always get the "fine, you?" out of the way. it's just part of the script. But people think I am Weirdly Caring if it's like someone who isn't actually expecting me to ask how they're doing back, like my therapist or something. I don't think it's a bad perception to cultivate, though
"I can't complain"
The best answer I've heard. It is both a "you don't care about the answer, so I'll just give you a canned response" answer and a direct commentary about the social ritual.
I've come to prefer the response "Good enough."
I see, I've done it all wrong. I always tried C and sometimes A. Next time, I will do B and talk obnoxiously about something I like. Repeat twice and they hopefully never ask me again.
how can you tell which are a , b , c , d? the choice letters all look like Kirby, vomit, etc 🤣
In order C, A, B and D. Though I don't think this is autism. This is a mix of social anxiety with a dash of lack of social skills