this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
556 points (97.3% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

31557 readers
5273 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 127 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I know it's a joke but if this was a man posting a dildo with the same text he'd get flamed

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Idk man, fucking a bar of soap, clearly on the reg , and leaving it for the world to see is a bit different. Plus I feel like most dildo users have the presence of mind to put that shit up when they're done.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

My ex would disagree as she'd leave hers lying out even when we had company over.

We were both also very mental unwell so that could be a part of it

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (9 children)

That was made that way for the joke. How would you even begin fucking a flat bar of soap? Even pre-drilled, it would wear out too fast to be any fun.

Don't use conditioner guys!!!

For the 4th time (I'm an idiot) I got serious dick issues. Don't know if it dries the skin out or what, but the end gets hypersensitive, turns dark red, skin turns black and peels off, hurts like hell, and then you get nice, new pink skin. It's painful and revolting and takes about a week for the whole process.

Thought was just me until I saw a reddit post a few months back. LOTS of dudes experiencing the same exact thing.

Don't use conditioner guys!!!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

What in the bed bath and beyond is this shit

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Would you mind choosing a verb other than "use" so I know what in God's name I shouldn't be doing with conditioner?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

If the context didn't provide, I meant jacking off. Paddling the pink canoe. Abusing the wicked stick. Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger. Shaking hands with the milkman. Boxing the one-eyed champ. Taking the self-guided tour.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (5 children)

If this were a woman posting a dildo she’d get flamed. Use sex toys all you want, but don’t fuck soap, it’s ironically unsanitary

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

A shower dildo left there to be found? No.. that'd be fuckin weird too

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 121 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Stupid. This dude has the cleanest dick in the country.

"Eew this penis is too clean to go inside my body" that's what this whiny bitch sounds like.

No, they totally SHOULD leave. They are clearly too filthy for this CLEAN KING.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

"yeah baby you like my baby smooth dick?"

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 86 points 1 year ago

Hey, at least you can be sure it's clean.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He'd end up disappointed that her pussy doesn't bubble during sex, anyway.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Whoever your point of reference is, tell them to go to the doctor.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Found the guy that told his gf not to take her antibiotics

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Because real men wait until marriage to masturbate

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, it just never occured to me to drill a hole in a bar of soap, lotion and Palmela Handerson work just fine.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's funny. We say Manuela in Spanish because "mano" means hand

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago

That’s just a handhold so you don’t drop it

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What a terrible day to have eyes

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“It's a part of me and I can wash it however fast I like!"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

How else are you suppose to clean it?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Look, if there’s a more subtle cock soap, I’m all ears.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If you're all ears, how would you propose to use the soap?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Perhaps he’s Ferengi?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

You don’t have to propose, you can just keep it casual.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

I didn't know that was an option.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Chill he was just blowing bubbles

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

He also knows Bubbles? Small world!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Hi, I'm Bubbles.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

At least it's clean.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Innocent, I'm not that big.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Stop bragging, I can't even afford soap

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Soap is abrasive. His dick fucked up.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (5 children)

His penis will burn from that

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

Soap on a rope, but slipped off the rope?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How else are you gonna tie the rope to it?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

The butt cleaning rope?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Poor dude probably just dug out the prize lol

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Yeah leave bitch, he clearly doesn't need you

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

There was a head out alright.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

I just have one question,

What did you do with the rest of the sculpted butter bust we had made for grandma's wake?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Mama Ridgeway would be proud of that clean ween!

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›