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“Every customer should be greeted when they walk into the store.”
The singular “they” is traditional in English - it is very much proper English and has been around (iirc) since the 17th century. It’s only a big deal now because conservatives want to make gender a factor in elections.
Well said! My go-to example is ‘If someone calls and I’m not here, tell them they can leave a message’ because it covers both they and them in a singular usage.
Sidenote: I also hate the way that some people act like languages are static things, despite the known history of languages to shift and change over time. English is arguably a German creole; we don’t get to act all sanctimonious now.
If we actually followed the "your gender identity is mildly inconvenient to me so should be banned" crowd and made everything unambiguously gendered, language would become far more awkward.
"If someone calls and I'm not there, tell him or her that he or she can leave a message".
We could start doing this right now -- every time ~~they~~ he or she uses the word "they", insist ~~they~~ he or she repeats ~~themselves~~ himself or herself in a way that leaves no gender ambiguity..
That's a good explanation. English isn't my native language, and I always found the they/them weird sounding. With that sentence of the customer you made it click for me. Thanks!
Why not just pick new words to use?
Because the current word for it works just fine?
And also because when people try to use neopronouns they take as much flak for that if not more. Imagine this same argument: "I'm not used to these newfangled pronouns. Why can't they just use normal ones?"
As someone speaking German, a brutally gendered language, let me tell you, they/them is awesome and I'd love to have something similar in German. There is so much fighting and discussions about "gendern" and it consumes so much energy that could be better spent elsewhere. And conservatives are having a field trip with this.
Looking for a new word is equally as hard if not way harder than using what already works fine.
It's not though. Singular they goes back to middle English (14th century) it was just grammar Nazis in the 18th century that tried to stamp it out.
one always thinks of a plurality of people
Speak for yourself! I don't immediately think plural when "they" is used.
Using "one" yet it refers to multiple people, my days.
IMO only one person is allowed to use the one pronoun: Keanu Reeves
Person 1: Is your friend Bob coming over? Person 2: No, they can't make it, they're busy
One Bob, and we all know it's one Bob, no confusion. Look for context. It's not that hard.
Person 1: Are Bob and Janice coming over? Person 2: They can’t make it.
Sometimes additional context is needed.
Your example is unambiguously plural. It's not a good illustration of "they" creating confusion.
It's truly not a problem. I could contrive a reason to talk about a couple (they plural) and a nonbinary person (they singular) and end up with sentences where you don't know which I'm referring to, but the exact same issue happens if I'm telling a story about two "he" or "she" subjects. And it's solved in the same way.
Person 1: Are Bob and Janice coming over? Person 2: They can’t make it.
Alternative:
Person 1: Are Alice and Janice coming over? Person 2: She can’t make it.
Alternative:
Person 1: Are Alice and Janice coming over? Person 2: Alice can’t make it.
This is far less difficult than you're trying to force it to be.
Really? I used they when I wasn't sure of gender (online games for example) before the pronoun use became common. I cannot remember anyone ever being confused.
Conservatives would probably get mad about that too so "they" works just fine
If you don’t know someone’s gender, what do you call them? Like, what if they present in a really ambiguous way? Or what if you’ve never even met them? Like say you’re about to sit down at a restaurant, and you notice a jacket on the seat, would you tell the hostess, “excuse me, I think the last person to sit here left their jacket.” Or would you just be unable to refer to them because you don’t know their gender?
Me talking at dinner: "Will you pass me the peas?" Cut to 5 people confused about whether I mean just one of them or if I want the whole table to all hand me the peas.
I get why they/them can be confusing because of the plural thing, but we are used to a quirky language. With a little practice, the tone and context clear up nearly all confusion. The rest is as easy or hard as what we have to do with an ambiguous "you."
PS Sorry to the "yous/yous guys" people. I am not trying to turn a blind eye to you obviously superior usage. It just really ruins my point.
You say "with a little practice," but there's no practice needed when it's already part of our language. I guarantee every English speaker complaining about it uses "they" as a singular pronoun quite often.
Thou shouldst campaign for the resurgence of a second person singular pronoun as well.
confusing and difficult
It's really not, if you try. Have you tried? No. So give it an earnest shot before you lament your woes and push for others to bend over backward for you.
It is much quicker to understand they as a neutral instead of introducing new language and trying to disseminate that through textbooks. This way, there's no need for any (or many) edits, we can just maintain existing grammar with new understanding.
English already has another form which refers to singular and plural: 'you'. I assume that people who suddenly take umbrage are just kicking up a fuss for the sake of it, or simply didn't stop to think about what they've been using all this time.
This is typical for the English language.
There used to be thou, which was a singular form of you. However, thou also implied you were talking to someone at or lower that you were. Eventually, it became seen as rude to call someone thou, so its usage dropped in favor of a uniform you.
A singular they fits this role, as the gender isn't defined enough to use he or she and the use of it would be seen as an insult.
why use many word when few word do trick?
Entering academia early 2000s, I saw people refer to authors of research papers as "they" as a default to sidestep gendering.
On one hand it's nice to not insert gender where it isn't needed, but on the more practical hand it wasn't always possible to tell by name either. European names can have different gender in different regions, or be all Sztrkökla, and names from Asia are even harder to guess.
names from Asia are even harder to guess
Good luck in Cambodia where Samnang and many other names can be used for both male and female names.
You get gender-neutral names in English-speaking countries too, eg Alex, Jordan, and Dylan. It's just not possible to reliably guess everyone's gender from their name alone.
Good grief, this is not new. It's part of the English language. They/them has always been around to use when one couldn't, or didn't want to use a more specific pronoun. Cumbersome, maybe, but much language is. It is NOT a big deal.
Real conversation at my house.. Me - You invited your friend, Taylor, to Thanksgiving?
Kid-Yeah, they're looking forward to meeting you guys.
Me-Oh, is Taylor bringing a date?
Kid- i don't think so. I told them to come over about 4.
Me- ??? How many chairs do we need??
So, while they singular is correct, it's also confusing as hell!!
What about this is confusing?
I have no idea how you would be this confused here.
"Sorry for the confusion. Taylor uses they/them pronouns."
Confusion lifted, problem solved.
It's really not, it's very common usage in the UK.
I totally get your opinion, because I used to share it and even created a similar post on Reddit a few years ago. Just start using it and you'll be surprised how quickly it becomes natural. There's no good reason not to do something that is easy and can potentially prevent people from feeling uncomfortable.
Unfortunately you're at least ten years too late in trying to get people to ask themselves this question