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I’m sick to my stomach. My healthy labrador died suddenly on Saturday. He was fine Friday afternoon, got nauseous Friday night, and I was waiting for the vet to open at 8am Saturday to get him in there. He got unresponsive and barely breathing around 6am and I rushed him to the vet ER, and he didn’t make it. The vet said he had a “torsioned spleen” or something like that.

I’ve got an absolutely soul crushing amount of guilt that I didn’t get him to the ER on Friday night. My dog trusted me to protect him and take care of him, and I completely betrayed that trust. I’m in such a place of deep sorrow that it’s impossible to explain with words. Every time I start to fall asleep, I’m suddenly wide awake trying to figure out why I decided not to act sooner.

Not sure why I’m sharing this, I guess I just had to get it off my chest.

New here, just checking everything out. Hello all 🙂🐝

its good!!! my birthday is in 4 days!!! thanks for asking :D

Not the best. Have some kind of recurring fungal infection that I've just been slapping with OTC cream, but it keeps popping back up in random places. Had two yeast infections this month. I don't think I'm particularly unhygienic so I don't know what's going on, but I've racked up enough medical bills and my savings are gone due to moving expenses.

Speaking of moving... no progress. My friend who owns a van forgot they were going to help me on my day off 🙁 I think I'm getting depressed being stuck in my current place surrounded by boxes.

I'm also lonely. I lied and told my long-distance friends that I'm taking a screen break to focus on moving, but actually I needed time away from them. I have moral scrupulosity OCD and they know it but keep doing things that aggravate it, like reading these really intense moral stances into things I say and self-flagellating for not conforming to what they think my opinion is. One of them told me outright that he bases his morals on me. (I'm a mean, paranoid dropout with no background in ethics, social sciences, or philosophy, so this is a baffling choice.)

I know my mental health is my responsibility and it's not their fault I have OCD, but my mind tortures me when I'm around them. I feel like a cult leader. Like I'm going to break them, or lead them into trouble. On top of that, they can't stand the rituals I developed before talking to them. So in this case I think taking responsibility for my mental health actually means fucking off. I'm focusing on befriending my coworkers and keeping it extremely casual. I never want anyone to be that invested in me again.

I hope next week I can post about how I'm happy in a new place and my coworkers liked getting sushi.

Last few days before summer break. All my final projects are in and I've got one last final exam to study for. Home stretch. Just gotta make it a few more days.

Got the server migration done and Sopuli is as good as new! Hopefully I can rest for a while.

My week is going well, Just fixing some bugs on a game and thinking of starting a new project.

got some teva sandals for children that i'm digging and a shade hoodie for those really hot days when i don't wanna wear sunscreen.

went to the beach over the weekend, which echo loved! jean (little dog) hates the water, and i didn't want to have to clean all the sand out of loki's coat, hah.

new to us (15-year-old) mazda5 was awesome for hauling all three dog crates and our gear, but the AC stopped working 1/3 of the way back home, so it was a hot ride. 🥵

a little over three weeks until RAGBRAI starts. i'm so sick of training and ready to do the ride already!

Oh you know, existential dread, filing out visa and residency paperwork for different countries, applying for jobs in said places to make such a leap easier; the usual start to a dystopian week.

I've been sick. My guess is covid, but a home test was negative ... but it was also 2 years expired, so I don't know if that was a valid test or if I did it right. Anyway, I've been exceptionally stupid and reactive between bouts of coughing and napping. Feeling a wee bit better now, though.

~~Think I might be in early stages of a hypomanic episode, but not sure.~~

~~Need to chill somehow. Running with assumptions, though. Might just be a bad few days; just haven't had them this suddenly in a while.~~

~~Might end up making this comment and by the time next week's thread is started in a day or two, I'll be feeling fine(-ish) again. Wouldn't be the first time.~~

Could really do with something interesting like the Olympics right now, but that's still almost a month away.

I don't even enjoy most sports, but it's a nice distraction. If I'm being honest, all I'm really interested in is the women's football portion, although there's at least more Euro 2025 qualifiers and a handful of friendlies in a couple of weeks to hold me over until then.

Edit: Lol, never mind, already feel better.

The past two weeks were amazing, and I'm an Orff Level 3 certified teacher now! Also last night I finally made it back to that little karaoke spot I found about a month ago. The owner is such a cool lady and there's this wonderful feeling of community I've felt totally welcomed into. It will be another month before I'm able to go back since I'm about to do some traveling, but I definitely anticipate it being a regular haunt for me.

I finally have my accommodations settled with the university and I started really using them. Joined a disability rights club and I started helping out a couple friends with their Discord servers. It feels like I have things properly tuned in to my pace for the first time in a while, and it feels like I'm seeing that pay off.

Also it's been a hot minute since I've been on. Glad to see things are holding up and glad to be coming back 👍.

Welp, did helped run my last conference with my current employer. This is my 18th annual event and like...Idk, 25th altogether? It was successful enough with no major issues. Nothing that attendees saw, anyway.

I'll probably never go back to Miami. At least not in the summer. Summers in the Midwest are already hot and humid and disgusting, yet somehow Florida in the summer is like 10x worse. Though I will say the food in Miami is to die for.

Either way, that was my very last one, hopefully forever. Though I said the same in 2019 and then ended up going back to the that company in 2021, so...never say never?

Relatedly, finally gave my new employer a start date. Hopefully they agree, as it's a couple month out still. But I need the time. I also gave my apartment property manager my move out notice.

Now to find a new apartment in the new city. Hopefully I can get that squared away this week.

So yeah, things are happening. itshappening.jpg

I saw someone get dog piled on the other day for saying it was misogynist to call someone a pussy then when I tried to show support I got shit on too. That was unfortunate and an unusually high level showing of right wing folks on a thread.