Ask Lemmy

What do you mean by "misandry"?

If you mean "women venting about their experiences in a male-dominated world", then I don't give a shit. I just try not to be the reason they're complaining.

If you mean unrealistic emotional expectations for men, like we're not allowed to cry or be sensitive or feel any emotion but anger, it frustrates me. I don't really know how to handle it.

it’s tough being a white man in America these days.

In all seriousness the deck is so stacked in my favor that the small amount of misandry there may be wouldn’t bother me at all. Generally the only way I’m underprivileged (adhd) is largely hidden. I don’t believe I’ve ever encountered misandry in real life. Online I’ve come across it occasionally, but it tends to be in niche communities I’m not a part of that I’ve stumbled on. And honestly there is so much misogyny that pervades our society that I’m inclined to give them a bit of a pass.

I don’t have to interact with them. I kinda move on to more important things, like arguing about video games.

It is annoying, thankfully quite rare. No way to defend against it either because then you're mansplaining.

I don't deal with it at all cuz I don't have the time to spend searching for hours to find some.

This may be a boring answer but I don't deal with it simply because I'm not drawn to online spaces where it occurs. I don't know what I would do if I did experience misandry. Leave? Engaging probably wouldn't help.

I deal with it with grace, understanding, and compassion. I'm gay, but as a white cis man I still have obscene amounts of privilege. I feel a bit like a double agent. I'm a minority, but as I move through the world I am afforded all of the privilege that patriarchy can offer. And I can say with full confidence, the misandry I encounter pales in comparison to the homophobia I encounter. This goes for online as well as irl. And "pales in comparison" is inadequate. It's so not even on the same playing field. They are not even comparable. I get it. It's rougher to be a straight man than it's ever been. I routinely get "mistreated" because I'm a bearded white guy who looks like Steve from Minnesota. But having a woman be less polite to me now and then is nowhere near what I go through as a queer. Especially growing up. I used to pray every night for god to kill me. Because I am queer. Not because I am a man. And I've tried to explain this to my brothers, and they don't get it and can't help but feel like the victim in all of this. And I bet you will align with them. But hopefully someone reading this will hear it. Yes, you are struggling. But fucking cope. Cope. Sharpen your coping skills. Because you have still been spared in a way you can't even comprehend.

I think it does, especially when it's by people who like to pretend they do it for some kind of equality. Have been thinking about quitting social media for a while, I generally don't like the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) hatred towards men.

On one hand it makes you feel sorry for the women of the past who went through this for much longer than we have (and in many more parts of life than I did), on the other hand fuck the misandrists, I never discriminated against women, not sure why I should be called out for what rich and powerful did.

And there's one last thing that kinda scares me, the young teen men look so depressed nowadays, I honestly wouldn't want to be a teen these days. I think my teens were at the best possible time (at least when it comes to this, not such a great time if you ever dreamed of owning a house) - we were taught to treat women as equals but no one made us a public enemy on social media for being men.

What the hell are you talking about??!!

If you're encountering this and can link to a thread where it happened to you, that might help some of us understand is going on. Maybe it's a matter of interaction style, background beliefs, or topic areas or user cultures that you get involved with. I'm mostly in nerdy areas where it hasn't been much of an issue, or alternatively, it's an issue that I'm too oblivious to notice.

I deal with it in the same way I deal with misogony, I realize that everyone has their own experiences and that some dislike either way is to be expected, but if someone fixates on either I ignore them and more on.

I have much better things to do than arguing with hateful people on the internet.

I know you want to focus this thread on misandry but I had a learning experience with dealing with misogony a few years back...

I am a man, and back in 2011 when I first joined Reddit I was feeling a bit lost, I recently graduated, I had got my first job, wasn't a good fit, I was lonely and depressed.

I was (still am) fat and balding, had never been in any kind of relationship, I was feeling resentment, and didn't know where to channel it.

As I joined reddit I found the subreddit MensRights, and thought that it was interesting to learn about issues affecting men rather than hearing only about issues affecting women.

So I joined the subreddit, and over the next few years I read stories about how men were mistreated, and how unfair life was for us.

It was interesting, felt like I had discovered the final puzzle pieces that would complete my social understanding of society.

But, after a few years of having MenRights in my Reddit feed daily, I started noticing that I started disliking women in general.

I never wanted that, I realized that if I wanted to have any chance to find a woman as a partner or just as a friend, something needed to change, and after looking at the mental puzzle mentioned above, I realized that the peice I thought was the final peice had grown, and pushed everything out of alignement.

So I cut out MensRights from my subscriptions, and just decided to ignore it, and that did wonders for me, I don't feel any hate or dislike for women any longer, I still don't have a partner, but that is my own issue to deal with, and it is unfair to take it out on others.

Cutting out MensRights was harder than I thought, I had to properly decide and tell myself to do it, I suppose it was a coping mechanism.

My point to all of this is that while you can't change other's oppinions online, you can change what communities you engage with, be critical and analyze which communities affect you in what ways.

Or to put it like the WTYP podcast often say, you can just leave, there is nothing forcing you to stay in communities that are full of misandry or misogony, you can just leave.

I completely ignore it and it doesn't affect me one bit.

It's not very common. When I encounter it, I tend to get angry, as I do against all bigots.

I usually don't give a flying fuck about anyone else's opinion, I have to admit nowadays even men are misandric with all that ally bullshit ideology.

I believe the hype about it is related to whatever the fuck it's called "feminism" nowadays.

Anyway.. who cares?

I don't, because there isn't any

I run into far more misandry in real life than online.

I joined a men’s group so I can have a place that what I am is celebrated.

Lmao this is already getting brigaded -10 votes op. Just for asking a question. But yeah i just laugh it off as crazy feminist agenda sad femcel shit. My current gf was a strong feminist when we met but eventually she stopped socializing with feminists and has a more healthy mindset and works on improving herself and our home instead of the hyperfocus on misandry. I never really talked her out of it, she just grew out of it.

Lol! What misandry?