is there a fediverse version of /r/abrathatfits ?
this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2025
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There are not enough women in the fediverse to maintain femme-centric communities.
Most of the ones I used to be subscribed to shut down due to being abandoned/unmodded. And they turned out that way because of harassment.
It's a huge issue that no one will address. Mostly because they will be harassed.
It sucks.
Wow, I had no idea it was like that here, that's terrible :(
Yeah.. it really is.
That, unfortunately, is why I will never suggest Lemmy to people and why it will never be a viable option for most. Maybe that will change when the absolute batshit hostility stops, but considering all the communities lost.. nah.
That's horrible.
I want to say we should start our own instance for feminists and kick anyone that acts like that. But I'm not sure what that would even look like or if it would gain traction.
I mean, it would probably look kinda similar to blahaj.zone. With a dedicated admin team, I could see it working.
My instance is welcoming to feminists. You’re welcome to create a community on the topic. I will not hesitate to kick out the jerks.
I think it may be worth a shot to retry. There are trans and furry communities (which are smaller and similarly harassed populations) that seem to be thriving just fine. It's just important to consider what instance they are formed on. Something like blahaj.zone?
The issue is that women should be free to discuss women's issues without being harassed. And sometimes those issues include men. That's when the harassment starts.
Hell, there was an article posted when I first joined about women-only taxi services and I went in to comment my excitement and support! Only to be greeted with some of the most vile comments and insincere, shitty discussion I'd seen in a loooong time.
I'm not ""tough"" enough to moderate my own community that would inevitably put both it & myself as a target of harassment. Not going to risk putting myself through that. I'm stressed enough as it is.
The issue is that women should be free to discuss women's issues without being harassed. And sometimes those issues include men. That's when the harassment starts.
Yeah I don't really know what to do about that. That's the state of things right now and it is always going to be a fight to move the bar on harassment. It used to be slapped/pinched butts and generally forced servitude.
I'm not ""tough"" enough to moderate my own community that would inevitably put both it & myself as a target of harassment. Not going to risk putting myself through that. I'm stressed enough.
Yeah, ain't saying it has to be you but it unfortunately has to be someone for the space to exist. I'm not the right person either...but a space is necessary to allow for meaningful discussion and people to see and hear about those experiences and perspectives. I'm saying that because those trans and furry communities exist it should be possible for people to make a feminine space here on lemmy besides femcel memes.
I know for a fact that I'm not the only woman who has gone to say something, then deleted it because that element seems strong here.
I'll say that of the space on lemmy where I've seen women's issues discussed, the place I've felt safest about it is blahaj, but I am not gonna try and coopt their space. They really deserve to have a space somewhere. I'm glad they've got one here.
In the meantime, most of the women I've run into on lemmy feel uncomfortable making waves in the spaces where those people are, but we tend to skew older, so while it's sad, at least we're used to keeping quiet.
E; some pretty gross comments in this thread alone. If those negative and ignorant comments were higher than this one, and I saw them first, I wouldn't have made this comment either.
We need a safe space, but most of the women I know on here don't have the time or energy to moderate it. And there's so few of us, it feels like it's not worth the effort anyway.
I think there are more women than you think. They are leaning for good (avoid harassment) or bad( not talk about things) to be quiet as you mention.
I hope things will improve. Hope all the harassers have lives as unpleasant as they deserve.
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I'm a dude. Can I help?
Yes. Always.
The easiest way is to shut down blatent sexism you see around in posts and comments. I wouldn't even be aggressive about it. Just a "hey, that's not cool" and downvote.
Problem is, a lot of folks are "jokingly" sexist, while also only kinda joking? Either way, I think there's a line, but it's going to be different for everyone, and I'm definitely not sure that I'm the one who gets to draw it. But when women are seeing openly gross posts about women, it is very off-putting and will cause them to shun a community.
Thanks. That makes total sense. I'm pretty grossed out by most tropes so my tolerance for what's "just joking" is minimal. I believe I do what you suggest IRL. My 8 yr old son does too. There's a great Ted talk called feminism is a man's problem or something that reshaped my perspective many years ago - we have to use our privileges to upstand bc only haves can give power, have nots can't just manifest it. In any hierarchical dichotomy. I try to make space in work meetings and help people feel comfortable speaking and telling those with the privilege to be comfortable to stfu sometimes. I think the difficult part for some men (I know how those words sound together!) is reconciling wanting to help but not knowing how to ask whether it's welcome and they fear it'll be construed as offensive. Perhaps bc society allows boys will be boys, and they're never taught how to communicate boundaries.
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I get the point, at the same time that ain't just any man,, that's Craig Ferguson and he's amazing too. Not saying he can't make mistakes, but he's an absolute legend in late night.
just goes to show that even good men are convinced of their assumptions about women
Or somebody having a fun interesting conversation will be pilloried by Gen Z/Alpha.
He was injecting that to make sure a question that many people would have would be addressed by Carrie.
Lemmy: Durr…. White Man Bad
when did I say he did something bad?
I don't specifically remember that episode of the late, great, Late Show with Craig Ferguson, but EVERY SINGLE APPEARANCE of the people's princess was magical.
They played off each other so masterfully and both were just their honest selves.
She gave him a set of novelty dried kangaroo testicles on one visit that he regifted to a woman explorer with MS who was going to North Pole.
Craig was, and still is, the master of 1 on 1 interviews.
Conan comes close in his podcast, but doesn’t quite reach the same level
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I'm a man and I would have been curious to hear the audience response, but my job isn't hosting a talk show. I wouldn't be surprised if Oprah jumped in.
Legit wouldn't be surprised if he saw the obvious answer coming and thought he'd give her a chance to make it funnier and more memorable
I've been called nasty shit for setting up friends for similar joke enhancements by people not familiar with us, I bet pros do it too
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she said hold on a sec not stfu you mAaAnNn!
If I told a woman to shut the fuck up and told her it was because it’s a “man topic” would that be ok too? Or does sexism only work one way?
If you asked the men in the audience a question about a personal, not social, issue, and a woman host tried to answer, you'd be entirely right in telling her to hold her damn horses, you weren't asking her.
but ... but we're supposed to be oppressed! they're trying to kill us all!
IT'S SO HARD FOR A MAN TO LIVE IN A WOMAN'S WORLD !!!!!
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I mean if you were asking a group "Do you find briefs keep your balls in line", and a woman started talking over everyone, I think it would be perfectly reasonable to say "sorry this question is only for people with testicles.".
Power imbalances exist in our society, such that women on the whole are the oppressed, and men the oppressors.
Therefore, the same situation is not equitable, depending on who is in control.
Craig and CBS are the patriarchy and in control, and Carrie is the resistance. She is permitted to rise up (in small or large part) against the patriarchy, because the power imbalance existed then as it does now.
So no, it's not okay for you to tell women to shut the fuck up. If anything, they might listen if you listened.
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You'll notice Carrie didn't say stfu she just said "wait a second"
From other comments it seems like the context is they know each other and it's not really like that. More so because it's not a broad topic, it's a question about personal experience, shushing someone trying to weigh in on how other people must feel about something they're only speculating on is reasonable.
If I am going to need to run, or even take stairs briskly, I need a bra. Or it's going to sting.
I take off mine the moment I step through the door after work. Necessary for outings and exercise yes, but still wouldn't say I "like" wearing them.
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