Damn, he accidentally ended up having an episode instead of watching an episode.
this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2025
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
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The worst part is, he didn't even miss any of the show!
Nobody told you life was gonna be this way
👏👏👏👏
Your life's a greentext, you're Anon, your sleep paralysis is keeping you awaaake
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
I've seen the show.
looks like you're stuck in second gear there...
It probably hasn't been their day, week, month, or even year.
No one going to call out that anon has sleep apnea? Dude just dozed off and stopped breathing and his brain wrote a quick narrative to explain it. People talking like anon went to another plain, but this is just some shit your brain does when your body is so dumb it forgets to breath when you fall asleep and your brain is desperate to wake your ass up so it can get its oxygen fix.
Plus, statements like "felt like hours" can mean many different things. Anon says it felt like hours, yet doesn't describe very many things happening. The sort of amnesia-like feeling of waking up from a dream when your brain has flushed your short term memory down the drain and has to rebuild context for what happened can be described as "feeling like hours passed" when not much time passed. Anon's dream doesn't have many details because, like all dreams, it wasn't terribly long. It felt like a long time, because like all sleep, there is a very distinct gap in your perception of time about what happened.
Yep this started happening to me a year ago. I was finally diagnosed with sleep apnea a couple months ago. I'd wake up screaming and gasping for air right after falling asleep, and sometimes in the middle of the night. Scary as fuck. Thankfully CPAP stopped it once I got used to it.
OP visited the "Friends zone"
On mobile, at quick glance, the negative space between the elbow and body looks like him puking all over a table.
So noone told you death was gonna be this way
Echoey clapping from the stairwell
Try finger, but hole.
Why is it always shitpost...
I binged too much Elden Ring last year and got stuck thinking in this message format.
Sounds like your supply of Friends may have been contaminated with Twin Peaks
Sleep paralysis. Worst shit ever.
Nah, sleep paralysis keeps you fully aware of your lack of motion, anon was walking in the dream
Yuh-huh. I suffer from it occasionally and experience this right down to the "flailing" trying to wake up. Absolute torture.
Flailing? Paralysis? You don't see the disconnect there?
In sleep paralysis, you cannot move. It's right there in the name. When I'm having a sleep paralysis episode, I try very hard to move or scream. All I can achieve is a humming-like sound in my throat and a slight rocking motion, if I'm lucky.
I'm sure what you're experiencing is horrible, but it is not sleep paralysis.
I put flailing in quotes because I'm actually not moving at all. My partner will be laying next to me and completely unaware of what I'm going through. I feel like I'm struggling like mad but I'm absolutely still. So yeah.
That doesn't sound like what I experience at all. I am paralyzed in both the dream and real life. Sometimes I can even open my eyes and become semi-conscious - yet - I am still paralyzed.
That's what sleep paralysis is - you're conscious and you're still receiving input from your senses, but you're also technically sleeping - having "dreams" (= allucinations) and your body refusing to move (as is expected from someone fully asleep).
Unlike the OOP, you can't walk down the hallway then realize you're dreaming - SP hits you like a truck, with you being relatively aware of your surroundings (plus eventual eldritch horror peeking behind the door).
... a tip that works for me: if/when you want to force your way out of SP, move your fingers or toes; when you think you did it and you feel like you're out, keep doing it for a few seconds because no you ain't.
(obviously, your mileage may vary)
I have another solution that won't work for everyone. As I mentioned, I cannot scream... But I can hum. So, when I am having a sleep paralysis episode, I start humming as loud and as long as I can, which admittedly isn't much. However, it is enough to wake up my husband. My husband now shakes me awake anytime I hum in bed (which I asked him to do).
This solution works beautifully for me, and I no longer fear sleep paralysis. But, not everybody else someone else in bed with them.
Edit: wanted to add that before I developed this solution, I used to try to rock back and forth from side to side like a turtle flipping over. Emphasis on the word "try." Like your fingers and toes solution, this would eventually work. However, it took persistence and usually the "sleep paralysis demons" would be coming towards me slowly the entire time.
Interestingly, now that I can get out of the paralysis more quickly (with my husband's assistance), I have found that my "demons" (which now often look like normal people) will full on sprint towards me and lunge at me. I'm getting used to this, though, and I wonder what my brain will think of next to try to horrify me.
This happens periodically if I take Benadryl before bed.
If you want some crazy fucked up nightmares, fall asleep with a nicotine patch on
Is that even still used for medical purposes? I thought it was more of a meme product at this point
It works for allergies, it's a general purpose antihistamine
Its one of the few things in the cold aisle that does anything, even if its overpriced in most of its various marketed forms.
Is that even still used for medical purposes?
Uh, yeah... Very much so. Pretty much every family has a bottle of it hanging around somewhere.
Well that's just ketamine.
He went to the backrooms. He must have found the exit, but will never remember.