Being in a consentful intimate relationship is being a loser?
Not directly having sex = losing? Sounds like a distorted and unhealthy perspective on relationships to me.
this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2025
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She ๐ Is ๐ Cuddling ๐ With ๐ You ๐ She ๐ Wants ๐ Emotional ๐ Stability ๐ First ๐!!!
Dunno if I used this meme correctly, but I did feel the need for it... I miss cuddling so damned much...
Yep. If anything, this is an opportunity for the guy to show that he's not just in it for the sex.
When I date men, one of the main things I look for is how they handle rejection.
While I'm not all that keen on the concept of testing partners (this coming from someone who can roughly be described as a cishet guy), I do agree that it is a good indicator of both maturity and intent.
Edit: what I mean by my first statement is that I don't think one needs to test their partner with anything. Just be true with yourself, say no when you feel like saying no, say yes when you feel like saying yes, and take what is given as it is given (i.e. no making excuses for them if no excuses are organically evident).
I don't think they meant "testing" them like it's some kind of game, hardly anyone does that and yeah it's fucked up when they do.
It's just, how do they handle it when you say no, do they moan about it and act entitled or just understand you're a human being who doesn't feel like sex literally all the time. That's a real good piece of evidence to how this person actually views you and their relationship to you.
Fair point, may be a cognitive bias of mine. Once burnt, twice shy and all that. I apologise for misunderstanding, and thank you for pointing it out! Truly!
And, yep, 100% behind you. I'd say compatibility in general shows best when dealing with unpleasantness, because being couch potatoes together will always be the lowest common denominator, so to speak.
Given it's a dream, there could be some interpretation that the OOP is craving emotional stability.
His own subconscious doesn't even want to have mindless pleasure anymore, but comfort. He denies himself because he doesn't truly want sex, but the stability of deep, emotional contact.
Also given it's a dream, the null hypothesis should be that it is completely meaningless, a random firing of neurons that occurs as the brain conducts routine maintenance.
Then there are the weird dreams where you live a story organically but the end was preconcluded from the very start and you wake up while you figure that out.
Agreed, I, too, have come to believe that dreams are basically the subconscious' attempts at contextualising significant emotional conundrums or cognitive dissonances, and, if not an indicator of OP's desire for intimacy, it seems to be at least a clear indicator that their subconscious is beginning to be aware of the problem.
Such a pity that so many people who reach this emotional threshold with themselves swing, instead, to shills and bootlickers who just want to propagate any and all forms of unhealthy relationships...
Tbf, those are not mutually exclusive. I want to have sex with someone, preferably someone with whom I have a deep, stable, emotional connection.
I do understand it takes time to build that connection, and am fine with having sex with someone before we get to that stage, but at least ostensibly that's the direction I'd like to be heading, and if it seems like we're just not going to get there we can stop having sex and just be friends or even just be acquaintances that don't really chill because we're adults and have no time but still be friendly.
I think it used to be called dating back in the day but who knows lol.
Bro cuddles especially with a back scratch is better than sex ngl
F'real, I'd take cuddling with my bros over sex any day.
Because I think sexuality is too much to be asked for. She needs marriage, responsibility, pledge for the commitment by the man also.
It was his dream. She's not real. She is a reflection of his own subconscious.
I think that comes down to individual preferences, to be honest. Some people, yeah, want the whole kit and kaboodle of stability before anything horizontal takes place. Others just want to establish an emotional relationship beforehand, while others are fine jumping in straight from the go, so to speak. And I genuinely think every variant is fine, we just have to take people at their word and respect their desires as much as possible, sometimes by letting each other go.
Or she's not into you and just wants to cuddle. She'll probably cuddle with her family members too, doesnt mean she wants to fuck them.
Doesn't sound like a loser. Sounds like someone that just needs to ask again tomorrow and maybe moods will be more aligned.
It's not about "her" because "she" doesn't exist.
This is about self-esteem, not sex or consent. It's not even about his dream, because plenty of people have dreams where they don't get what they want. It's about how he views himself. I'm confused how this post is like, 3-dozen comments about consent and relationships when it's one kid viewing himself through... himself.
Oh yeah, that's an interesting take. I think it depends on how much you believe dreams represent our subconscious. I believe there is a lot of randomness in dreams and that who you are in dreams is not necessarily who you are. However, you can definitely choose how to frame your recalled dreams in waking life and that's what I was suggesting.
Dreams may or may not have anything to do with reality, but how you interpret your own dreams upon waking is absolutely grounded in the reality of your own mental state. A lot of people have dreams like this where they want to do the thing that's fun but something gets in the way and we go "haha wild that dreams are always like that" and we don't dwell on it.
If you're mentally unhealthy, have wrecked self-esteem, or battling depression, anxiety, other issues, you're probably going to find a lot more meaning from very small things than someone healthier. These kinds of things are a wake-up-call that you need better self-care, and that can include just learning to not ruminate on your feelings.
bro the problem is tomorrow's dream is probably a ww1 trench again, you don't get to pick the nice ones ๐
What a loser.
Asking for consent then respecting the answer he's given.... Real Alphas grab them by the pussy! They like that. ( /s obv.)
I'm guessing the loser was in reference to his advances being rejected even in his own dream.
I had a dream once in which an ex-girlfriend from years ago who I was still in love with appeared and told me that I would never have her back so I should stop being so obsessed with her. Good advice, perhaps, but not what I feel I deserve in my own dreams...
Now that I think about it, I realize that I can't remember ever having sex in a dream. So much for dreams as wish fulfillment.
Dude, she's the one coming on in YOUR dreams uninvited. She's the one obsessing!
There is the theory that dreams are simulations to prepare you for stressful situations. Being exposed to rejection in simulation helps to not react... poorly irl.
Ouch
haha deserved. fucking incel
Men often struggle with isolation, poor self esteem, and mental health issues, telling them they deserve their misery and loneliness only feeds the hateful behaviour you take issue with.
It's currently men's mental health awareness month. We can do better than antagonizing the mentally ill, isolated and suffering for our own emotional gratification at their expense. Its actively counterproductive to fixing the societal issues their toxicity creates, and its also needlessly cruel.
This is Greentext, so everything is fake and gay.
And?
What does that have anything to do with @[email protected] and @Cris_[email protected]โs exchange?
Because taking anything said in this community seriously is dumb.
thinking of all lonely men as incels and ignoring their problems is wrong nonetheless and should be called out
I appreciate that it seems like you considered my perspective :)
Hope you have a nice day!
...What? Aren't you the person who started this?
yes
Bro, this is a community for shit posting and generally saying shitty things in jest. If that offends you, you're taking the community too seriously.
Yikes. Lonely men aren't automatically an incel.
As long as they want sexual connection as well, they technically are (Incel = involuntarily celibate)
But the way incel culture manifested itself, incels began being associated with angry envious misogynistic young men, which is not great and certainly not a good mental framework for someone who just wants intimacy
There are many ways people can start thinking of themselves as undesirable, unwanted, perpetually lonely, and we need to provide some social example for them to begin realizing flaws in their mentality, not reinforcing them.
We should also combat the notion that relationships are everywhere and easy to find, and make sure to note many, many cases of people finding their first true love way after 30, 50 or even 70. It's just never too late, and it's not a race in the slightest.
Witg the diversity of attractions, what one may find undesirable may be what the other desperately seeks.
That's funny, I happen to have you tagged as an incel. Not sure if I want to remind myself why
Based on his comment history, this guy doesn't seem very well liked in general. Lots of incel vibes, and he does have some comments in German which I can't read, but based on the downvotes, I think it's safe to say his views are unpopular in any language.
that's funny indeed
anyhow, which app do you use that lets you tag someone?
Connect has it, but it's definitely not the only one
replace her with him