Ask Lemmy

I would be more concerned with the people who don't disclose it more than the person being responsible about it. Most people who have HSV2 don't know they have it because:

• they're asymptomatic
• shedding can occur when asymptomatic and they got it from someone who didn't know they had it
• most routine std panels do not include herpes, even if sold as a "complete" panel
• some blood tests are less accurate for herpes (antibody is more accurate).
• Testing is only recommended by drs if symptomatic or if you suspect exposure. But if you are not symptomatic then some drs view this as a ethical dilemma due to the psychological and emotional harm a false positive can cause for a lifelong and incurable disease

This article is worth a read if you haven't already.

Anyway, to answer your question, yes, i would(and am in one). I don't want to tell you how to feel but for me it's not a big deal.

No. It's life threatening to me since I'm on immunosuppressants.

66% of people have oral herpes

13% of people have genital herpes

https://www.who.int/news/item/01-05-2020-massive-proportion-world-population-living-with-herpes-infection

Doesn’t like everyone and their cat have herpes?

This is one of those viral diseases that you're unable to avoid if you're going to have any kind of active sex life. Regular oral sex always carries the risk of transfer of "cold sores" (which pretty much everyone has, although some never really show any symptoms) to the genitals.

yeah in college my gf had an adventure with a woman who gave her a type 1 genital infection. we tried to work it out but it was just too much. I never got it from her. the threat of getting it (and the whole thing of having to share her when I wasn't 100% on that) was like the end of the world back then. now I wouldn't give a shit! lol

I wouldn't give two shits about it. It's not a life threatening disease or anything even if you catch it, and hardly ever breaks out, especially when medicated. And if it does, it's gone after a week.

I'd probably not even bother with condoms if it's a long term commitment.

Wow, that is quite the story. I have struggled with this question and how I would feel on either side of the equation. As a person who grew up in the conservative 90s who became a more balanced and freethinking person, I still have what might be an irrationally strong fear of STDs. This fear combined with religious conditioning around relationships kind of fucked up high school and early college for me. I was supposed to be boning the entire cheer leading team and I was learning about how angry Jesus was at my impure fantasies. My late 20s and 30s have been a lot better, but I still have a really hard time gaging risks and deciding how I feel about them so I tend to err on the side of being overly careful and miss a lot potentially great experiences with people. I think getting tested with a new partner is always wise.

One of the other commenters said "a lifetime of pills and difficult conversations". That's one of the scary places my mind might go to, but you could still reframe it as "I'm going to have get better at communicating needs and boundaries in my relationships, especially early on". That sounds less scary and more fulfilling. I still would like to avoid getting infected.

On a positive note, the fact that she was upfront and honest about it is a good sign. I'd tread carefully but if I really meshed well with the person abd saw a medium/long term future for us, I would probably try to figure something out to make myself more comfortable in the short term, like asking her to confirm she took her meds and using protection. If she cares about you and you make it about your feelings and not blaming her.

Lastly, none of us are perfect and you might have a few oddities she doesn't find particularly pleasant. Rejecting her for something that she can't change could make her feel like she's "not good enough" or "damaged" and even if you guys don't shaboink I wouldn't want a friend or crush to feel that way. That's the shit her ex did. I think it would be better to tell her how you feel about her (positive) and express that your apprehensive about the herpes thing.

Sorry for the wall of text. Thought about it a lot thanks to church school.

Yeah, who gives a fuck? more people have it than don't.

I mean it wouldn't be my first choice. If I found out early enough it might be enough of a push factor not to pursue them.

Not because of them, no. If disclosed up front and actively working to keep from sharing them I'd be OK with it.