this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2024
1011 points (100.0% liked)

Funny

8558 readers
1861 users here now

General rules:

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 93 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think bagels are boiled, then baked. Cooked twice.

Then we toast them to cook them a third time.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

And if we're from the Midwest and at a fair, cook them a fourth time by deep frying them.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That might make me consider actually going to the state fair instead of bitching about it making traffic terrible by bringing a ton of people into the middle of the city

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We went this fall like we have for the past few years but even the lemonades were $10-15 so I don’t think we’ll be returning.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Our state fair is in some little ass town in the middle of nowhere. I've always wanted to make the 3 hour drive, just never gotten around to it, $15 lemonades don't sound very encouraging.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (5 children)

what would cooking them for a fifth time look like. is it even possible?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

boil > bake > grill > fry > microwave

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

"Just fucking kill me already"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Probably something like Cuil theory

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Like some hardcore JPEG re-compression

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Nobody knows...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I think it has more to do with wanting the bread warm in any way ... so that you can melt butter on top of it. Nothing like fresh baked bread and melting butter over it. The next best thing is to take cold bread, toast it and melt butter over it.

I grew up poor and I remember being a kid and craving melted butter on warm toast but we seldom had any ... so we often opted to using just lard instead. Same sensation but the taste wasn't as good.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Hey! ..... I'm OK! .... Me and my arthritic body, I'm OK!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

I hope you're aware of The Heart Attack Grill. Amazing fries cooked in lard. All you can eat fry bar. The burgers are pretty good too.

When I went they stopped at a quadruple burger. This thing is insane.

https://youtu.be/Kb4dUaE3yaM?si=mc208gkPR38mQgMd

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’ll do you one better… toast the bread, add the butter, then when that’s all melted into place, sprinkle cinnamon over it. Fucking amazing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Ooh I'm excited to try this. Going to do this next time I want a slight snack.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I wouldn't be surprised if originally it was something you did to rescue stale bread. Can't waste any good food when it's scarce, you know?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I still use it to rescue state bread. Either that, or if I need a harder/warmer surface to spread things on.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Y'all gonna want summa this guh'mint cheese for that state bread, too, ya know.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Of course it was that.

Fresh bread has the glutens all loose and digestible. When the bread goes stale the glutens have tightened up again and become less nutritionally available. Toasting loosens the proteins up again and makes it all nicey-nicey for de tummy.

Sorry for the niche technical language at the end.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

People toast fresh bread? Why, fresh bread is good as-is.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I mean, if it's fresh from a bakery - sure, but "factory-fresh"? I think toasted is definitely an improvement.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

In crust we trust, amen!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Watch the shock on OP's face when they learn of bis-cuit.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Do you mean crunchy cookies, or savory butter scones?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

EITHER ONE!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maillard, there is a special place in paradise for you.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Maillard Place would be a funny name for a mansion.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Knowing humanity, it involves either a dare, laziness, desperation, an accident or pigheaded stuberness, and usually a combination of those.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Perhaps someone smoked some smelly herbs and the only available thing to eat afterwards happened to be stale bread and butter.

I guess that'd technically qualify as an accident. A happy accident, if you will.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Now french it

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sourdough is good. Toasted sourdough is bread's best life.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What's even better, spread mayo on both sides and fry it on a flat top.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't even like mayo but this is the correct way to make a grilled cheese. The mayo is just oil and makes the bread really nice and light and crispy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

And yet, why I dint exactly know, miracle whip doesn't work nearly as well

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Maillard reaction is pretty awesome

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I have always contended that bread is just raw toast.

Toast is life.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, you can make toast the first time you cook it, if you do it at the wrong temperature and for too long. Also, it definitely won't be toasted evenly.

Still you'd end up with enough toast that you could try it out and see if you liked it, before anyone had invented it. Since this happens by accident all the time, it's reasonable to assume we've known about toast exactly as long as we've known about bread.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Toast is where the sliced non crust part of the bread gets cooked. You can't make toast when originally cooking because you just end up with thicker darker crust. The inside of over baked does not become toast.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

A brilliant confluence of skill and purpose!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You bake bread and you toast .. toast.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Rebaked bread.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Toast sandwich

load more comments
view more: next ›