Aces can be into kink. There's things like ace BSDM communities /shrug.
this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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I'll need that explained more if you don't mind.
I thought the whole point of asexual was you're just not interested in sex or anything relevant to that?
Asexual ≠ Not Liking Sex
Asexual = Not Feeling Sexual Attraction
The way I usually describe it as an asexual guy is that there's basically noone I find hot. That doesn't mean they're the opposite. It just like a sense I lack or a color I can't see. I just don't feel sexual attraction. But I do still like people based on other types of attraction and sex is still fun. For me platonic attraction is the main criteria for sexual partners. It's just a fun activity between close friends like watching a movie or playing a board game.
That's not to say that there aren't asexual people who don't like sex because those people do exist, but how much a person likes sex is on the sex repulsion to sex favorable axis and is only tangentally related to asexuality.
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Ace is about sexual attraction, not interest in sex. You can be ace and love sex and you can be allo and be sex repulsed.
Bro this makes 0 sense
I’m queer and fully agree
My sexual preference Is “no” and I have to say that instead of asexual because sexual people have decided that the prefix “a” in front of the word “sexual” does not mean “not sexual”.
What used to be safe spaces for people whose sexual preference is “no” are now filled with people whose sexual preference is “yes, but I don’t feel horny by looking at people”.
And if anyone dare speaks up they get bullied, called acephobic, and told to just accept asexual people are sexual too and how dare we say please use a different label for that.
I am far from the only one who’s noticed this. It also leads to things like romantic asexuals (people who want a romantic relationship just without sex) having a harder time than they already did because people are learning “Oh your ace? But you’ll have sex for ME, right?”
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So, technically speaking, an ace individual cannot find someone sexy? They can have sex with someone for the sake of having sex, be it for bond or pleasure or whatnot, but from what you're saying they do not show any sexual attraction towards any demographic of people?
Basically.
There are grey-aces (whom are still aces; black-stripe ace sometimes is used to refer to those with no sexual attraction) whom experience some sexual attraction some of the time.
But there's a lot of aces who are surprised to realize sexual attraction is something people actually experience.
I always feel a bit confused by the name, and wonder whether it will eventually see itself focused or broadened further. Sexuality is a spectrum, but “asexual” doesn’t seem, overtly, to include sexual desire given its literal meaning. I do love the names of the sub-identities associated with it, though. Each one’s intention and definition feels apparent and up to date.
Sexualities generally refer to sexual attraction. Homosexuals are sexually attracted to people have the same gender, not to repeating the same sex acts over and over and heterosexuality is about attraction to people with different genders, not to novelty sex acts. Pansexual does not mean attraction to pans not to literally everyone or everything. Taking the words too literally is not really useful.
The differentiation of the ace/allo axis and the sex-favorable/sex-repulsed axis is particularly useful for aces, but it still has its use for allos as well (some people who have PTSD related to sexual activity may be sex repulsed, but can still experience sexual attraction). Lots of reasons to engage in and enjoy sex other than attraction to a specific person. Even allos often engage in sex with those whom they aren't attracted to.
The major ace subreddits regularly had issues with sex-favorable people complaining about all the posts being sex-negative and sex-repulsed people (sometime simultaneously) complaining about too much sex-positive content. Would be more amusing if those types of posts didn't waste so much space...
I'm going to go out on a limb and feverently disagree with you here.
This is like saying "yes, gay men can still have sex with women, as long as they're not attracted to them. They're still gay! It's only a name!"
It's an awful precedent. The amount of times I've been asked if I'm "one of those asexuals who have sex" is gross. I identify as asexual because the name itself was.. what I was. I can no longer safely identify with it now because it apparently includes everybody.
Aces can have sex. Yes. There are caveats and disclaimers, but that's not untrue. But there's no such thing as "grey asexual". That's greysexual. It's a separate thing.
"Asexual" becoming "inclusive" to almost everything muddies the waters.
I'm not against sex-favorability— I am against not being able to use the label to distinguish clear what I identify as anymore. It's frustrating as hell.
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Sexuality in general is best seen as a spectrum, and that even applies to asexuality. I've met folks who only find sexual attraction in people they are intimately familiar with (can't whack the nasty with any random people, they gotta trust and be comfortable and familiar with a partner). Others have a complete lack of sexual interest and arousal. I, myself, do have an active libido, but no actual interest in sex itself thanks to bad events in my past.
“Horny ace” is one of the more difficult sexualities to be, but it definitely does exist.
BDSM != sex, even if the two are heavily connected in a lot of people's minds. I've played with both tops and bottoms that were ace/het/LGBT, and there was not anything sexual there. Hell, one of my fave experiences was bottoming for a lesbian top who enjoyed beating on dudes.
BDSM is not inherently sexual, even if there can be a lot of sexuality involved.
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Lots of kinky stuff isn't sex.
BDSM is much less about sex and much more about the power dynamic. Kinks are, by definition, having sexual arousal from non genital things. So while asexuals might not be interested in fuckin or getting fucked, other things might cause arousal.
Welp time to get a new gf. Or maybe just go play some video games.
All my homies love their chastity cages. Sure you need to lean a little to piss out of them, but aside from that there's nothing weird about it.
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She still is? Being in to link has nothing to do with being ace. She may not have sexual desire or want sexual contact (which are VERY different things) is entirely seperate from the dynamics of a kink relationship.
Anon probably isn't being malicious, but is definitely uniformed.
but is definitely uniformed.
Heh
This made me question my sanity for a moment. Apparently I was uninformed about how to spell uninformed.
that was a good typo tho, heh
Claiming you are someone who doesnt feel sexual attraction and then asking someone to perform fetish activities is actually a very confusing thing for most people. He would be uninformed because its a very obscure situation to be in in the real world.
Yeah, as a kinky asexual myself, it seems like she hasn't been very open in communicating her relationship to kink. Especially when your partner is allosexual, it's so important to explain why you like to participate in kinky activities as an asexual and where your boundaries begin and end.
For allosexual people, sex and kinks have a venn diagram that's basically a circle, and failing to communicate the extent of your interest in kinks as an asexual is just setting the entire relationship up to fail because you're inevitably going to have mismatching expectations from kink play unless you make sure you're both on the same page before you start.
His confusion is completely understandable, as is her identity as a kinky asexual. They just need to talk to each other.
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Isn't an asexual girlfriend just a friend?
If you think romantic relationships are just sex+friendship then you're probably shit at romantic relationships.
~~Why? I honestly don't get it. I want my partner to be my best friend, but I don't think about my other friends sexually even if I do love them like family.~~
~~I don't want kids so I don't think about partners in that respect. I do want them to be my last relationship though.~~
Edit: I'll leave it, but I just continued to read the comments and found an answer I understand and agree with. I just never put enough thought into it I suppose.
That's the way. Don't let your growth be limited by a psychological chastity cage.
unless you think that's hot. then maybe.
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I thought it means they reproduce asexually. So one day the GF will just randomly be pregnant with modern Jesus.
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No. Imagine two Catholics are dating and don't want to have sex before marriage - are they just friends? There's a lot more to romance than just sex, and I feel sorry for the partner of anyone who doesn't realise this
Like it or not, sexual compatibility and intimacy is very important to a lot of people, and a lot of partners. There is more to a romantic relationship than sex, this is very true. However, downplaying the importance of a key component of a love language does no one any favors.
They aren’t downplaying its importance, they are saying that for some people, sex in a romantic relationship isn’t necessary. This doesn’t go for most people and most people do need it in a relationship but everyone’s experience is different
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I mean, I’m asexual and intensely sex-repulsed, and my wife is asexual too, and I am madly in love with her even after being married for eight years.
It’s romance and friendship; she’s my best friend and wife. I’ll kiss her, hold her hand, rub her back and feet, buy snacks for her, loads of stuff I wouldn’t do with my friends.
I mean, I bought a house with her. I wouldn’t do that with just anybody.
Asexual != Aromantic
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Sexuality as an identity is weird and almost never matches with the subjects observed sexuality. See Catholic priests and kinky asexuals.
Catholic priests are not asexual, they are celibate. That's very different.
I was more thinking of the whole "homosexuality is a sin" while raping little boys like it's a sport.
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She's cucking anon hard....
Hate to see it.
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