why jesus cakes hanging out
Also my money on the four armed elephant dude with an axe
this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2024
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Dude forgot to gird. Rookie mistake.
Go on.
Yes it looks like an iron axe, and God has a problem with Iron:
https://biblehub.com/judges/1-19.htm
Judges 1:19
The LORD was with the men of Judah. They took possession of the hill country, but they were unable to drive the people from the plains, because they had chariots fitted with iron.
So the idea that God is almighty is pretty ridiculous, according to the Bible that is.
I never actually read much of the thing
I just assert that the burning bush was absolutely cannabis sativa, despite any solid evidence to the contrary. I don't care that it's not native to the region or whatever.
Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.
I can't claim to have much experience in the matter, but I don't think people who just chill generally have chariots fitted with iron. Like if your neighbor happened to have a tank and a bunker, would you say they're just chilling?
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Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.
For the same reason as now - because Israel wanted their land.
No pants for serious mode
If we consider the Sistine Chapel's depiction of the realm of heaven to be divine inspiration, the clothes were added later after some complaints.
The whole concept of original sin is such that pure beings such as Adam and Eve did not even realize that they were naked until they ate the fruit of carnal knowledge.
Therefor it is canon that God likes to hang out with his wang out. Freeballin.
Also Jesus was a bottom
Do you think he was topping 12 dudes a night? They started a religion after him because he was nice not because he was a multiple cummer
So it totally makes sense for him to be flying cakes in a fight with a Hindu god
I'm not sure what your religion is but I regret to inform you that you're not going to the good place.
Based on having had to read that comment I would say we're already in the bad place
I'm a slut for cum fill me Judas
~Jesus Christ, probably
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Sorry to all Christians but every Hindu deity wrecks Jesus 1v1. That's just facts.
IDK, the christians build gods like a grade schooler:
My god built the ocean.
Oh yeah well mine built the earth, and the ocean is on the earth.
Hey you can’t do that, besides I have a second god and he made the sun.
I don’t need two gods mine is as powerful as all yours put together and he made the heavens and it has the sun in it.
THAT’S CHEATING! And I have another god, he made the stars!
Oh yeah well mine made everything including all the gods and he can count to infinity!
Oh yeah even the evil gods?
…..yeah but thats not his fault.
Is too!
Is not!
Is too!
Is not!
Is too!, Is too!, Is too!
Is not time infinitely!
For his human form, yes, but Holy Trinity-wise, I'm not so sure. Beyond 1v1, archangels tip any scales in JC's favor.
Are you also including the entire Hindu pantheon? Because I don't think the trinity has a chance in hell, archangels notwithstanding.
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When they're both Christians, Jesus just picks his favorite. If you lose you know that you're not jesus's favorite. Sorry that's just the way it is. Loser.
Also relevant, two people of the same religion praying for the same thing. The god fights themselves. Or flips a coin, free will remember.
Jim Carrey comes to mind in Bruce Almighty, when he starts to say yes to every prayer and thousands win the lottery.
Don’t they each win like ten cents or something?
Yes
I thought the god chose the person who had suffered more of the gods torture.
Now I want to read a book that starts with the sentance:
"The war in heaven started with a spelling bee."
It’s called the boble
Could you use that in a sentance?
They just did
ChatGPT spat this out.
It all began with two children on Earth, both eyes squeezed shut, hands folded tightly in prayer. One was Lucy, a ten-year-old with a sharp tongue and an encyclopedic knowledge of words. The other was Max, a quiet but determined boy who practiced his spelling with such focus that every letter felt like a victory.
Each child prayed the same thing: Please, God, let me win the spelling bee.
And God heard. But not just God—Archangels Gabriel and Michael did, too.
“Lucy’s the one,” Gabriel said, convinced. “She’s got skill, and she practices every day. Max’s heart is good, but Lucy deserves the win.”
Michael shook his head, wings bristling. “Max has worked twice as hard. He might not have Lucy’s natural talent, but his devotion should be rewarded.”
God sighed. “Then perhaps both should win,” He suggested gently.
Gabriel and Michael looked horrified.
“There can only be one winner,” Gabriel insisted. “Lucy!”
“Max!” countered Michael.
The disagreement escalated, and soon the pearly gates rang with the clash of heaven’s most loyal warriors. Thunder crackled, stars tilted in their orbits, and halos slipped crookedly from heads. An entire chorus of angels divided into factions: Team Lucy versus Team Max.
As the battle waged on, God watched from His throne, bemused, until He decided enough was enough.
He raised one hand, and instantly the clouds of battle cleared, silence swept across the heavens, and every angel dropped their weapon, ashamed.
“Whoever wins,” God said, “will do so by their own merit. Do not wage war over spelling bees.”
And so, peace returned to Heaven, and on Earth, Lucy and Max faced off at the spelling bee.
In the end, neither won. They both missed a letter and went home with heads high but humbled. And in Heaven, a truce was called—but Gabriel and Michael couldn’t help but exchange a final glance.
“Next time,” Michael whispered, “I’m praying to win.”
Edit: If you downvote this, tell me why.
ChatGPT spat this out.
No one asked
Since 2008 Ganesha only lost two times. I guess Jesus is past his prime. And the first loss wasn’t really a loss, since it was 8 first place winners with 7 kids of South Asian descent.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Scripps_National_Spelling_Bee_champions
I mean look at him! Jesus doesn't seem like he has much of a shot against that beast of a deity.
I adore this comic for some reason
What god is that mouse?
It's not a god per se, rather the animal companion of Ganesh (Elephant god/ god of people, kinda like god Fufluns of Populonia). The mouse is like a ride of the god.
I'd buy that Street Fighter DLC pack.
This just made me think about Shin Megami Tensei. I think Messiah (the closest equivalent to Jesus) would probably win 1 on 1, but the whole Hindu pantheon would probably wear him down eventuality.
Edit for non-smt fans: SMT is Pokemon for religious and folk mythology. Lol
My money is on the elephant!
I dunno, that balls kick was a hell of a headstart and could change the outcome
Interesting tidbit, the National spelling bee was created by Doug Cornette. The Father of loud mouth, racket waving, heel wrestling manager Jim Cornette
Which explains why he was such a word Smith and could talk a mile a minute while insulting the crowd
He looks like a thinner version of lives-in-a-van-down-by-the-river guy.
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I would love for Marvel to make this movie.
I mean, the MCU is pretty clearly burnt out, and I wouldn't trust DC to make a movie worth watching.
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