this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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Microblog Memes

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[–] [email protected] 105 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Appropriate time for: “If you see a shoplifter, no you didn’t.”

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

What if the shoplifter has a really nice butt?

[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Then you saw a person with a really nice butt. Who wasn't doing anything.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

But like, my silence buys me a solid glance, right?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

Don't make it weird man.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Absolutly not, your scielence is what a normal person does, the glance is creepy

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Appropriate time for: shoplifting will fuck hundreds of innocent workers out of a job before it kills one corporation.

Think about who you're really hurting. If a Walmart location stops being profitable enough, it'll just close, no sweat off their back. But everyone working there is now out of a job.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

How would it fuck them out of a job?

Besides, shoplifting is nowhere near the scale that it would make an entire store unprofitable. And if it was, they'd either raise prices to make it profitable or perhaps lower them to encourage people to buy again instead of stealing out of desperation. They wouldn't just up and quit a location where there's still money to be made.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I would never tell, but I wonder if people, employees, take the charge instead of the big corpo.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

No, it's just budgeted into the prices.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 4 months ago

Friendly reminder that if you saw someone stealing food, no you didn't.

[–] [email protected] 72 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Plus you never notice people shoplifting. We dont know people's situation but we dam well know corperations can fuck off.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

The last few times I shoplifted it was by accident. The last being that I had to get a new ID from the DMV, they gave me a paper copy, and said they would mail me a normal ID. 30 days later it has still not arrived and grocery stores started to say they don't accept the paper copy after 30 days. Went back to the DMV and they said it would take up to 90 days. I asked if I could get a picture ID until it arrives, to which they told me that would downgrade my license and therefore I wouldn't be able to legally drive then.

Anyways, I wound up checking out at Kroger, putting items on the conveyor, and they asked for my ID, I gave them my paper copy and they called a manager and blah blah blah all because there was wine in the order. The manager told the cashier it was acceptable so long as it was within 30 days, thankfully neither of them knew the date as it was 34 days after the issue date, they accepted it and I put the bags in my cart and went on my way. When I got to the car I realized several items in my cart were not in grocery bags, I never took them out of the cart when I got distracted by the ID bologna. So none of those items got paid for.

My favorite part about it is someone has to acknowledge that someone was of age 4 days prior to purchase alcohol... So what black magic would I be performing to go from 35 4 days ago to under 21 then. If it could have been forged now, I could have forged it then.

Note the DMV stated if they printed a new copy it would change the issue dates and therefore start the 90 day wait over again. Fucking mess

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Is this the California DMV? They are so ridiculously worthless. The DMV sloths in Zootopia were spot on, except they didn't depict the intentional malice.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Nah, this one is Tennessee

[–] [email protected] 67 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops that keep arbitrarily lifting their prices.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices.

more laconic, more punny

EDIT :

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices arbitrarily

variant keeping arbitrarily

[–] [email protected] 52 points 4 months ago

The BBC editorial team showing a woman stealing a bottle of wine, rather than, like, food or something

[–] [email protected] 41 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I will never see someone stealing food.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You guys ever just mind your own fucking business? I'm really into minding my own fucking business.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For some reason, I thought you were getting furious at all the folks calling out the British museum

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago (1 children)

hey stealing is a proud British tradition stop denigrating our traditions.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago (1 children)

These fucks think I’d tell them even if I did 😂. I didn’t even snitch on shoplifters when they were stealing from the place I worked, you do you and I’ll do me.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago

I did the same.

I didn't snitch on shoplifters at work and i shoplifted myself long before that.

The funny thing was, i saw another person noticing the shoplifting - they saw me too. We just nodded and went our ways.

These shoplifters had a double endorsement on that day.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago

Notice they used an image of wine, not a more basic foodstuff. That's called Manufacturing Consent.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

Because they're too large to fit in the British Museum.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago

I never saw nuffin narc

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

Snitches get stitches. Don't rat people out.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You must be over 1000000 years old to see that happen

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Nah, just your humble reincarnated Babylonian horror

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

And with all that going for you, it's hard to be humble!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It always is amusing when British people accuse Roma of being thieves when they can't even have the English language without stealing widely from others.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

Stealing words can only be as bad as piracy, the original owners are not deprived of what they owned.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Honestly that whole joke is getting a bit overused now.

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[–] Fedegenerate 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)
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