this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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The fuck?

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[–] [email protected] 193 points 2 months ago (7 children)

What kind of Wooldoor Sockbat cum clogs a shower? This is so idiotic.

[–] [email protected] 120 points 2 months ago (2 children)

But... but... people wouldn't just go and make shit up on the internet, would they?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)

would they?

I don’t see a reason for them to… Fake internet points are not even worth a penny!

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Oh you sweet summer children, I take it you were never in the army, or else you would know of the dreaded desert jellies, and what it means to be on shower detail

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

But that was many, many men and not a single one.

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[–] [email protected] 131 points 2 months ago (6 children)

There is either:

  1. A backstory we are missing
  2. Anon has a weird fetish
  3. mom has a weird fetish
  4. story is fake and straight
  5. story is real and gay
  6. some combination of the above
[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You really thing an anon would do that? Just tell a lie?

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago
  1. The story is bisexual and has a quantum physics relationship with the truth
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (5 children)

It's obvious fake, but this was almost the norm (it's overblown in the "story" ofc) in the nineties, you wouldn't go to the computer with a paper towel lol.

Before smartphones, people were spying on everyone else just out of boredom and keeping mental notes about the smallest things, also all the sex stuff was not really taught in school and everyone was interested in it but nobody talked about it.

Very different times.

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[–] [email protected] 94 points 2 months ago

Start watching sissy hypnosis videos to condition yourself into eating it, obviously. It's the only undetectable disposal method.

[–] [email protected] 65 points 2 months ago (2 children)

what kind of semen clog the shower drain?

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 months ago (2 children)

More like "what kind of shower drain is clogged by semen". And indeed, there are some. One at a place I've lived had a filter that had to be cleaned every now and then. No fapping in it was a given, but even some melted soap that re-hardens in it could end up clogging it.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago

his mom told him.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Why not simply overflow her with your cum tissues? She’s your mom, so you should know her inside and out, so her buffer should be accessible. I ask for 257 tissues every day and my mom has no idea

[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I like that this implies that OP's mom uses an 8 bit counting system

I'm imagining her at a super expensive restaurant getting a bill for like $547 and thinking "wow, this only cost $35!"

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 months ago

Blow your load on her bedsheets

[–] [email protected] 53 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (10 children)

clogging the shower drain with cum

ok

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Why tf does op masturbate in secret?
A healthy family doesn't keep secrets from each other!

Also buy a dryer, she obviously doesn't get stuck very often.

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 months ago

I think you need to fuck your mom…

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (2 children)

i'm smelling some human rights abuses here

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You fucking move out. That's not just abusive - it's sociopathic.

Just remember to jerk off on her pillow first.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)
  1. Move out.

  2. Has anon never heard of toilet paper and toilets?

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Anons mum isn't checking her own underwear with a UV light...

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 months ago

into the toilet???

also, why not toilet paper instead of tissues??

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago

Use her panties and socks.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago

How can you be 22 without your own money. Go buy tissues and tell your mum to mind her own business.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Get a girlfriend, fap in her shower

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I moved in with mine; now I can fap anywhere in the house. She likes watching me do it. I find it awkward but whatever. At least I don't have to pretend that the crumpled up bits of toilet paper everywhere are "snot rags" anymore.

Edit: What's with the downvotes?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (7 children)

I don't know why people are a) taking this even jokingly half serious and b) suggesting all sorts of weird and complex solutions when surely a 22-year could just buy whatever.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 months ago (21 children)

Yeah just buy a cruise ship or whatever. Go into debt if you have to.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Have both of your arms broken, you won't be able to crank it.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

1: go to toilet

2: kneel in front facing the toilet

3: place dick between toilet seat and toilet

4:?????

5: profit

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

His mother already seems to have one. Maybe he can borrow it from her.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago

This is how incest porn originates

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago

There's this apparatus called washing machine.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

MOVE
OUT

Even sweatshop workers, prisoners, and the slaves who built the World Cup stadium in Qatar were/are alowed to relieve themselves. Homeless people have some option, it seems. There is no reason for OOP to unwillingly put up with this, even with crippling NEET tendencies.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago

4chan posts are never fake though

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

Is she checking her own socks and underwear?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (14 children)

If my son was living NEET I would take away masturbation privileges too so he would move the fuck out.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

and become homeless I guess

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

Do your own laundry.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Did you try to grow up and move out?

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