Ask Lemmy

Absolutely fucking not. Me and my wife can't think of many things we'd want less, tbh.

Don't have kids, don't want kids, for a range of reasons from, legit seems cruel to force a human into the world, specially with how it's going, to there is far too much to do in this world that kids will prevent, and I just don't want them. Zero regrets, and happier each day with my decision not to have kids.

I'm 41. I decided I didn't want kids when I was probably 14 or 15. I do not regret the decision at all, and believe that if I were 11 today, I'd probably make the decision as an 11 year old and not wait so long until I'm 14 or 15.

I have zero desire to procreate. If I ever get parental urges, I’ll foster.

I worked in education circa 2000-2016, every age from newborn to 20-somethings, nursery, pre school, most school ages, teens, young offenders institutes.

Pretty sure I would be a good dad as I kept my cool even when i got stabbed in the arm

Wife doesn't want kids and I'm not that bothered either way. Happy to be "Uncle" to my friends' kids.

I have kids. I wouldn't trade them for the world. 90% of the time, they're fine. The other 10%, I'm so angry but I can't be angry for long because they didn't do anything I didn't do as a kid.

Hard to say if I regret anything. Too young and I would have struggled financially, nor was I mature enough. Too old and I would have struggled to keep up.

You're going to have a divide here. There's people who REALLY hate the idea of kids. Then you have the crazy-ass breeder religious folks who are so judgemental. Asking for validation from the internet about kids is silly imo. Everyone has a motive.

Rather than ask friends, family, strangers on the internet... Treat it like a lifestyle change. Read books about parenting. If that doesn't align with you, then you have your answer.

i would to adopt one

Not in this economy u.u

I have kids, and for me they did improve my financial life by forcing me to go back to school and get a real job (so overall benefit positive even though they are an expensive project) and also parenting is by far the best work I've done in my life. They are mostly grown now and seem satisfied with their upbringing though it was rough at times. So overall yes very satisfied with my decision but - I always wanted kids, always knew I would raise some whether I could biologically have them or not, it was the only thing I really knew I did want to do.

I don't think there is a bad answer here - if you are good either way, you will be good either way. You will have a good life regardless. If you can share that with a child I personally think it's a good thing to do but in no way essential to a fulfilling life if it's not something you want.

No.

No.

And also, no.

Long before I was diagnosed as being autistic and having ADHD, I knew that I would be a shitty parent. I'm often wrapped up in my own world and busy doing my own thing, and that doesn't work very well for relationships, and considerably less well for raising a child.

I have cats, I have a spouse. That's enough.

No, no, and no.

Same for my wife.

My only concern is the future Idiocracy of the world, but I don't think my having a kid would've fixed that anyway.

no, no and no, but you will have to find an answer if your decision to have or not to have kids was the right choice in any case.

No, I haven't met a person with whom Ibwould like to have children yet. Yes, I would like to have 2 or 3 children.

Absolutely yes. I just need a partner to have them with, which is easier said than done.

I have 2 kids. One bit and one girl. Wish I had a third, but I got snipped after 2.

Got two. Love it. Definitely a sad time in my life as they go off to college.

While I always wanted kids, I wasn’t convinced we were ready. But my ex pushed and she was right: we were as ready as we’d ever be and couldn’t afford to keep waiting.

Having kids, focussing on their future, helped me become more optimistic over time, more progressive, more accepting. It doesn’t matter whether I’ve got mine, or whether I’m uncomfortable with X, the only important thing is leaving a better world for them

I wanted more than two, and I think we were ready for it, but a combination of a late start and a medical crisis meant we ran out of time. We made the correct decision to not try pushing for more but I wish we didn’t have to.

Definitely going to be a challenge rebuilding my life now that I don’t have them to focus on.

I always wanted kids, but in my early years it didn't work out, but I was a stepdad, even after separating from the Childs mother, which I'm very thankful for.

Then for a long time I didn't have a partner, but in my mid 40's I married and have a two years old and another stepchild.

Because I always felt that I would be a fairly good father I definatelly don't regret it and being a father and stepfather just gives me even more meaning to my life.

But I would have been OK without my own children too.

I would love to have kids someday, but we aren't financially prepared yet. I'm envious of people playing with their kids, or even just mundane tasks like taking them to school or going shopping with them on the back of their parents' bike.

Unfortunately, I expect the next administration(s) to make it much more difficult for same-sex couples like us to try for AI + surrogacy or adoption, so we might be forced to wait. Hoping for expanded surrogacy and child credits, but even just writing that feels foolish.

Didnt want kids had them anyways. Best decision ever if you are going to be a good parent to them.

I love my kids so much that it's changed my whole life. They have given value to my life that didn't exist before, they made me grow and it's an incredible experience to watch them grow. They made me happy, worried, scared, bored, proud and angry like nothing else ever did.
Yeah I sometimes envy my brother, who has all the money and time in the world to do whatever he wants. But I secretly pity him as well, because he lives like a grown-up, self-centerd child without true responsibilities, and all his toys and holidays feel meaningless to me.
I couldn't recommend this to anyone but it is a true magic happens outside the comfort zone-experience that will never go away.

I have a son that is the most important thing in my life. He is 2.5 now, but it took me a year to adjust to my new life, and I am shamed to admit that several episodes could have a been handled better. (No abuse, but daddy getting angry for a toddler being a toddler) It took a toll on the relationships too. Still does since tired people have shorter fuses.

Bottom line now is that he fills me with joy. Watching him learn new thing like how there ia fluff between his toes (and do dad have it too?) to how all water used for painting turns grey. How he practices being a ninja sneaking up on me (but can't contain his excitement and giggle) The texture of food, and how spaghetti sticks.

Of course you are tired and stressed, and the random pain from unexpected movements when dressing him, or from death dives on the couch is always there. But I would not trade him for anything.

As someone who wants kids, this thread is very depressing.

At first I thought I could "take it or leave it" with kids. Then I married someone who was a firm "No," but strung me along when I asked if we could adopt. Divorced now, and when I think about the idea of finding a woman to raise a family with... I'm inundated with fear and anxiety. This world is so fucked that I cry in my dreams at the thought of it. What will the world look like in my hypothetical child's lifetime?

The supposed last bastion of freedom and democracy has fully descended into fascist oligarchy. We were supposed to stop climate change before we hit 1.5 degrees of warming, we hit that last year. Now they're talking about what's going to happen when we hit 3 degrees of warming. So every natural disaster is going to be far worse, and far more frequent. The fire in LA is still burning. A fire swallowed up so much, the next one may take the entire city. Scientists have been dreading the eruption of a super volcano for a while now, saying that it could cause a global ice age, gee I wonder if climate change is making that more or less likely?? (hint: it's more.) Meanwhile NATO and the combination of russia/china/north korea/iran are preparing for the last war this world may ever see.

Not to mention that having a kid is like pooping out a ticket for half a million in debt. I already think about killing myself so often, could I really bear the thought of shackling myself to this soul sucking job for the rest of my life? Goodbye following my dreams, hello more debt.

So now I can't even bring myself to date, because despite getting divorced over it (not really, but it was a part of it), I still can't truly answer the question "Do I want kids?" Approaching 40 and time is running out. Gotta make up my mind, but in the meantime everything is getting worse.

I heard once that single life is like being the center of your life's portrait, and once you have kids, you instead become the frame. But I already feel like I've lived my whole life within the frame, and want to try being the center of my own portrait for once.

Is like to, but I won't before I'm in a good enough life situation, and either seems improbable or very far away, and while men can definitely have kids to very late in life, I don't want to wear diapers at the same time as my kids might.

So yeah, mixed feelings.

If I won the lotto right now and found a spouse, sure. Out side from that, nah, prolly not.

Having a kid has helped me learn and realize so much about myself and my life that I wouldn't have been able to learn otherwise. The same can be said about many of my other major life experiences. Sometimes I miss being alone and being able to do whatever the fuck I want, but I realize I'm still learning how to balance my life and seeing my child every day makes me happy (even if she is going through a hellion phase).

I love kids and would be a great parent but no on all three counts. I'd have to put aside my own life, my own plans and all the weird fun stuff I do because of kids. Not to mention the cost, even just got giving birth, would be nuts.

Kinda like how I love dogs but don't want to be a dog owner.