this post was submitted on 16 Feb 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] [email protected] 181 points 1 month ago (1 children)

His mistake: She's clearly a keeper.

[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 month ago

"When she stole my nose, she also stole my heart."

[–] [email protected] 114 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He has no sense of humor. Not a loss in any way.

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[–] [email protected] 94 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Jokes on you im into that shit.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 month ago

You’re such a brownnoser.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Don't care about bumhole or the pinch, but I'd propose instantly due to the humor.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago

Exaaaactly this. If you can't laugh at yourself and me while we're naked doing fun things, idk how much fun you're having, really.

[–] [email protected] 72 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I remade this meme in a different format because the stupid p*say thing and the dumb pic

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No way is Elon Musk that cool.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Exactly. Also, you know he'd hate to be this hypothetical kind of person.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Thanks, the sanitization of the internet is really driving me crazy. Not worth complaining about but I'm happy you made this and will be something I'll try to do in the future

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

"He was licking my balls from behind and his nose accidentally touched my butthole, so in clenched my cheeks and said 'got your nose Donald' and he kept coming back for more"

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You got his nose but he's got pink eye

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's why you wear goggles, duh.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Here, have the visual version 🙂

[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's actually hilarious, apart from idiotic censorship of "pussy".

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (2 children)

He’s mad because she never gave it back.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 month ago (2 children)

what the hell is happening to the censored text at the top

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

pussy - > p*ssy - > p*say - > p yay!

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Maybe they ai generated the coverup

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

It's clearly a complete the CAPTCHA challenge.

Please enter the word you see above

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If a woman did that to me I’d propose on the spot.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well it's been a while, wink wink.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Oh my, now I’m blushing.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Watch out she got his nose! *blam* *blam* *blam*

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Balls are a fellator’s shield against unintentionally playing the back nine, and I'm insulted that god gave them to only half of us.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (3 children)

as the scrotum is easily the ugliest body part, bar none, for either sex, I gotta disagree.

you can shave it, dress it up, put a bow on it, nothing's gonna change the fact that it's a shriveled sack of nuts.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (6 children)

There was a subreddit for people putting like outfits on their peckers, and that's about the only thing I think the fediverse is missing. And before anybody tells me to start that community, I don't have a dick of my own, and yes, I'm aware that it's a skill issue.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Bro if a girl did this to me I'd never leave

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Well, yea. You won't be able to, seeing how she holds your nose.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

honestly you don't want a guy with no sense of humor anyway

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

A actual shitpost

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It's important not to peak too early. How was he ever suppose to top that?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

who hasn't had this happen to them more than once

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A devote Amish, I'd assume.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (3 children)

How do you think they pass all that time with no technology? Sure, they missed The Wire and Deadwood, but they've discovered sexual techniques that are still 150 years out for the rest of us.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (4 children)

If we are talking about devoted Amish, they literally only have sex for the purpose of procreation, sometimes through a sheet in some cases. Sex for recreation, including oral or anal, are verboten under the Amish Ordnung oral traditions.

In practice, there is sexual "deviancey" and sex had with some degree of knowledge that doing so is not strictly for procreation. Due to cultural aspects, there is shame brought in by such things that they have to get right with God about. Rumspringa, think last repreve before devoting to the Amish life, is usually when young Amish sow some wild oats with some abandon with the English(outsiders) if they so choose.

If you are a single man going through Amish country and see a mailbox with a bag on it, it is an invitation to donate your genetics to the community. Don't expect hot and steamy throws of passion, you are fucking through a sheet while the elders preside over the breeding session in the same room.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (4 children)

If you are a single man going through Amish country and see a mailbox with a bag on it, it is an invitation to donate your genetics to the community.

Wait what???

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

My wife loved this

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Lowkey Wife material. That level of levity is super attractive

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Worth it, he doesn't deserve you.

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