this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2025
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[–] [email protected] 49 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't think I wanna know

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 weeks ago

Ceasefire Violation?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 weeks ago

He died doing what he loved!

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Starving, because I couldn't remember where I hid my nuts.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

My dog finds and eats squirrel peanuts semi-regularly on walks. It's cuter than when he tries to catch them directly.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 weeks ago

It finally caught up to me

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago

The fucking Russians, of course.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Morti means "of death" in Latin. I guess I'm going to die of death...

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The deadliest kind of death

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago

Silently hunted down by a mysterious lone wolf.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago

I'm not sure I want to know...

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

The US actually does invade, and I die in some kind of defensive gambit where they take more casualties than us.

Unfortunately, that's a vibe killer now, because it doesn't feel totally impossible and we still like each other. Sorry.

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[–] Whorehoarder 21 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Either heart goes out during orgy, or torn to shreds by an uprising

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Inviting my Farmville girlfriend over.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

You wouldn't understand

[–] Deathray5 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's fairly self explanatory

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago

Guess I run into traffic, yelling and waving at the taxi that just deliberately passed me by. Then I get hit by a truck.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Raptured by the One True Dog

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I'm going to go down with my ship, bellowing orders to my crew until the last.

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[–] RamblingPanda 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Jesus Christ, that'll be gruesome...

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

Lots of beans

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

Whatever it is, it's going to be the subject of several YouTube documentaries.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

A detective stands over my lifeless body, Detective Salvitore is panting for air, desperate to catch up to her partner and mount the hill. She reaches the crest covered in sweat, vision blurring but enthused at the grim sight before Detective Glassgow.

Salvitore fumbles for her radio, wheezing a shaky "We... we... I... found-" before Glassgow cuts her off.

"Save it Sal, I already told them we found the vegan."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

Wrong place wrong time during a controlled demolition

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

Furiously stroking my willy.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

I guess I'm not growing old

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

First I am. And then...

I'm not.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

I dont want to think about it

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

Boiled alive

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Mine's pretty open-ended.

I'm going to go with gassing in a concentration camp for opposing the fascists.

History repeats itself.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

I’ll never know. I blinked.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

Something the Scooby gang could have prevented.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

I'm already gone...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

Derogatory slur

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

I'll leave it to you, reader, to guess the "where" it is cast

[–] ChronicMasturbator 10 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Bludgeoned to death with a keyboard?

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

Painfully, I'd assume

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

Idk, i wouldn't see it coming

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago
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