this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025
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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Okay, I know this is a really bad idea but I'm already here so Here we fucking go... RAWR!!

x3 nuzzles! pounces on you uwu you so warm Couldn’t help but notice your buldge from across the floor Nuzzles yo' necky wecky-tilda murr-tilda hehe Unzips yo baggy ass pants, oof baby you so musky Take me home, pet me, 'n’ make me yours and don't forget to stuff me! See me wag my widdle baby tail all for your buldgy-wuldgy! Kissies 'n' lickies yo neck I hope daddy likies Nuzzles 'n' wuzzles yo chest (yuh) I be (yeah) gettin' thirsty

Hey, I got a little itch, you think you can help me? Only seven inches long uwu PLEASE ADOPT ME Paws on your buldge as I lick my lips (uwu punish me please) 'Boutta hit ’em with this furry shit (he don’t see it comin')

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Be sure to drink your ovaltine

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Death is light as a feather

Duty heavy as a mountain

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Something to do with precious bodily fluids

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

I did a quick search and was shocked to find zero hits to

"Superman".

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Whoops, had the timer upside down.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

"I-...fuck me, I had something ready for thi--"

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sir, permission to leave the station.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

For what purpose, Master Chief?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

To give the Covenant back their bomb.

Goosebumps

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Looking at the enemy: Tell me if you heard this one. What did the Homo Sapiens say to the alien? Detonates the bomb

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"And when I get to Heaven,
To St Peter I will tell;
Quarter pounder cheese and a big mac please,
And a side of fries as well."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

“Shit, did I leave the stove on?”

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Here we go! ( Mario voice)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

There's so many good stories where some brave hero has to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors cheer, and everyone lives happily ever after. But the hero never gets to see the ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.

Ain’t that a bitch?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Make THIS great, asshole!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Nobody wins a war...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Pasta la vista, baby.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

"Pull my finger, Bitch. I dare you."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Click, click <>

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Do you have clean underwear on, punk? Your momma warned you about today.

(I'm not very good at this)

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Bombs away!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Arise, black vengeance, from thy hollow hell.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"Let's see if this time it fails, unlike the other times"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Nothing. Just walk away slowly. Doi.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the castle of aaaughhh

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

I'll show you true human nature.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago
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