Spacehooks

Update #4: March 19, 2025 (next day)

Last night, after Riley returned to my place after work, I told him everything regarding Sam trying to come to my house, and showed him the text message and missed calls. He was PISSED. I have never seen him so angry in all my years knowing him. He was completely silent but looked like he was 2 secs from setting someone on fire. After letting him cool down for a bit, I asked him if he wanted to talk. He did.

He told me that they always seemed to argue about the same things. Then, she’d pretend to understand and be alright with everything only to bring it up again in the future. A few examples of the main things she’d say/bring up:

Our friend group is toxic and “too close”.

Riley should be thankful to her for keeping his drug habit a secret (a while ago, he mentioned to her that he smoked weed multiple times in uni).

He’s too secretive about work, and I know more about his job than she does (we’re both feds who work in intel, and our offices sometimes liaise with each other).

He spends too much time with his family.

He’d suggested couples counseling a few times, but she kept on refusing. They’d been doing pretty well for the past year or so and didn’t argue much anymore, so he stopped brining it up.

Apparently, the absolute last straw happened the day he asked me to stay at my place. During the argument with Sam that lead to this (initially regarding the dress debacle but snowballing into other topics), in addition to trying to get him to cut me out of his life, she also called me the n-word (I’m black btw, and Riley and Sam are white). According to Riley, that’s when he knew that he was 100% done. Before he left, he told Sam that their relationship’s over. Since then, she’s been blowing up his phone, but he said he hasn’t read any of her messages or answered her calls. She also sent him emails, which he has also ignored.

He’s going to tell his family and our friend group before he leaves for his work trip this week. I encouraged him to consider doing so sooner rather than later before Sam has a chance to try to stir things up. Also, when he returns from the trip, he plans on going back to his place to get his ring back from Sam, and tell her that she needs to find a new place to live (the house is his).

We spent the rest of the night (and part of the early morning) eating leftovers and cookie dough, working our way through some Moscow mules, and watching Monty Python. It’ll take some time, but I know he’s going to be fine.

Thank you my dearest potatoes for all of your insight, advice, and kind words. Love this community ❤️.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I want to say he should tell her to get out of his house before the work trip, because who knows what she'll do to it while he's not in the area. But she could also do the same thing after he kicks her out, unless he gets a security system installed before leaving. While he's gone, you have to be extra careful because Sam might try something knowing he isn't around.

OOP: Yeah, I don’t love that he’s waiting to tell her after he returns from the trip. Luckily, they do have a security system (mostly outside but a few inside as well); account is under his name, but he just changed the passwords and removed her as an authorized user, so she can’t tamper with the system. Well, technically she can if she wanted to smash the cams and other components with a hammer—hopefully that doesn’t happen.

Don’t have to worry about her while I’m at home, but I’ll keep an eye out whenever I’m not.

Commenter 2: He needs to save the “before” pictures so that after she steals or destroys everything he can call the cops on her. You are absolutely correct he needs to get ahead of her controlling the public narrative. He also needs to warn his work that he has a mentally ill ex who is stalking him and that they should ignore any suspicious calls or “emergencies” and not give any info out about him.

OOP: Good idea—suggested taking pics, and he said he’d do it while she’s at work tonight.

He works in intel, so all buildings are very secure. She wouldn’t even make it past the initial security team.

Commenter 3: I’m so sorry you and him are going through this, but in the long run, this is the best thing that could’ve happened to him. She inadvertently ousted him from a lifetime of misery and blatant racism towards one of his closest friends.

I’m so sorry she said that awful thing about you. But glad he knows what kind of person she is.

OOP: Thank you❤️ The blatant racism defs caught me off guard. Good riddance to her.

Commenter 4: Holy Potatoes.

Glad Riley had his eyes open before it was too late.

That list alone has soo many red flags. But then to be saying that word. JUST NO. H E L L N O. I don't care what color you are that is not right on any level. Such trash.

While it might be too quick he needs to go change the locks on his house and kick her out before the trip. Who knows what he will come home to. GET ALL FAMILY AND FRIENDS to go pack her up and put her stuff outside.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Update #3: March 18, 2025 (next day)

This afternoon, while Riley and I were at work, I received a call from the security desk of my residential community. Someone was there, claiming that they’re my guest, but they didn’t have a code and their name wasn’t on the visitor’s list—it was Sam. I told security to deny her entry, which they did. Not even a minute later, Sam called me, but I didn’t pick up. She called me thrice before I put my phone on do not disturb, and then 4 more times after I did. She then sent a text saying “You’re causing misunderstandings. You need to send him back TODAY”.

I’m home, but Riley is still at work. Haven’t told him anything yet (don’t want to stress him out while he’s working), but will after he returns to my place. Also, haven’t tried to contact Sam, and I don’t plan on doing so anytime soon—really don’t foresee any convos between us going well right now.

Random kinda funny thing to note: Since yesterday, Sam has been removing me from the bridesmaid group chat, but the other bridesmaids keep re-adding me after noticing that I’m missing. This has happened FIVE times! Omg

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: lol send him back? Do you keep him in a box in your closet? I think you might have helped your friend to avoid a terrible marriage. Please let us know what happens after work!

OOP: I was tempted to respond with something like “sorry, USPS is closed rn”, but figured that wouldn’t help the situation

Commenter 2: How is OP causing misunderstandings? Sam has done all of this on her own. All the OP did was ask the bridesmaids if their dresses changed and informed the groom.

Seriously, what the fuck did she think was going to happen when his close friend walked down the aisle in that monstrosity and no one else did? He'd have known what was happening and why, and he'd have been pissed!

Commenter 3: Misunderstandings? Puke green dress and changes to it for only you… she ought to just have said she didn’t want you as a bridesmaid. Groom could have found another placement for you. The man better run fast out. OP I am glad you have good security but you and Riley need to get somewhere to lay low a little bit. Keep that Crazy away from both of you. Perhaps ask the bridesmaids to stop readding you and leave the group as the bride doesn’t want you. Maybe say something like “Ladies, please understand that there are misunderstandings going on and since Sam doesn’t what me here please respect that. If she ever wants me back let her add me back. Bye.”

Commenter 4: Sam wasn't going to take any responsibility for the dress. She was going to try to convince Riley that OP changed the dress on purpose to ruin their wedding and the plan all fell apart.

Update #2: March 17, 2025 (same day, 10 hours later)

Well my fellow potatoes, I have another quick update. Things…don’t seem to be going well. This afternoon, Riley asked me if he could stay at my place for a few days (until he has to travel for work later this week). Of course I said yes, but asked why he wants to stay with me (he literally lives 30 minutes away). He said that he doesn’t want to talk about it right now, so I backed off. He’s currently holed up in one of my guest rooms, and hasn’t come out in hours. I am worried.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: btw do you live alone? because the crazy gf might use this as an ammo to destroy your reputation, saying that you stole her fiance (even now that he's there in your home)

can't he stay with his family?

OOP: Yes, I do live alone. His parents are about as far away from him as I am, so don’t know yet why he didn’t go to them. I don’t mind either way. Besides, my rep is solid and my network is quite a bit larger than hers, so not really worried.

Commenter 2: He's seeing his GF for who she really is. Also...have you considered that Riley may have always had feelings for you, and that's what's making her so mad? I'm sure someone already mentioned this in the comments on the other update, but I am playing catch up!

OOP: I honestly don’t think that’s the case. Trying not to think too much about the situation other than making sure he’s okay.

Commenter 3: Uh oh!!! I won’t lie that I’m glad he’s taking space from Sam after all of your other posts BUT it’s still very sad and my heart goes out to him 🩷🩷

Go pick up his favorite takeout/comfort food & maybe give his family a call just in case. You know him best…good luck.

OOP: Made him one of his faves (rogan gosht), and it’s currently cooking on the stove. Trying to convince him to come out andeat, and watch Doctor Who with me, but no luck yet.

Commenter 4: This is a Sam problem. Not a you problem. Riley should know who he is marrying. Some people are just jealous of everything. But you occupy a lot of rent free space in Sam’s mind. Because she is a jelly fish. (Jealous)!

Holy crap his brother is nate is screwing everything up. Nate should know better but is instead treating his brother like some sort of joke by promoting behavior that nate knows is wrong. I feel sorry for Sam, if he had better guidance this may not have gone so far.

Dude got what was coming. Highly unprofessional and he knew it.

Update: February 19, 2025 (next day)

Not sure how to update properly so I left a comment and did a new post as well. Sorry if that's overkill. Also, sorry for the rambling on my post lol. I reread my post and agree with you guys, I did add some useless info. I'm a better speaker than writer lol. Also, my wife and I read all the comments and we actually enjoyed reading them. Even though some were kind of mean, she came to the realization that she needed to be more assertive and not be "spineless" as some people so generously called her.

As I mentioned before, this happened in the summer. The day after was everything happened, we both apologized to each other and asked her to give me a full rundown of Dick from when she used to be in his department because there's no way someone has that much hatred for someone without reason. So he did try to make advances on her when she first joined, but not only her, but a bunch of other female coworkers, some of who were at the party. She shot him down multiple times and went to HR with her coworkers to file complaints and Dick's behavior did stop. However, he was now having her manager giving a ton of work to do. She was working long hours but it ended up working in her favor because the other departments manager noticed her workload and her ability finish it with out mistakes and pretty much poached her to join her team. So from then till she got promoted to Director, about 6 years, she had very few interactions with him. It's only when she got promoted to Director, she was forced to interact. My wife, Dick, and the Senior Director Tim, would have meetings every morning. She said he never really acted badly towards her but he would always downplay any suggestions she had or outright ignore it. She thought if she invited him to the party, maybe that would change his behavior and "bury the hatchet". She realizes that it was really stupid to assume that would happen.

My wife did tell me that when she saw everyone at work, they told her not to worry and a bunch of them were happy someone finally did something to him. Some were hoping for more but happy regardless. She said that made her feel better because she thought they would see her in a bad light, which I don't know why, but my wife is an overthinker.

She wrote a complaint to HR for harassment against Dick and he did the same thing, but against me. HR didn't do anything for either of them. She got an email saying because this happened off of company property and this was not a company sponsored event, no action needs to be taken by the company and any disputes that happened needs to be taken care by the individual. She was worried that Dick would sue or call the cops but nothing happened in a month so we assumed he just gave up on it. During the meetings, Dick would just stay quiet after my wife spoke as opposed to giving condescending remarks like he usually did.

I haven't seen or spoken to Dick since the party but my wife asked me to come to the company Christmas party where I saw Dick but he ignored us. I met Tim and when my wife introduced me, he said something along the lines of "Thanks for coming. Please don't drag me across the room. I'm very nice to your wife". My wife and I burst out laughing and I realized Dick had become the butt of the jokes. Apparently, people at work started doing a collar grabbing motion behind Dick's back.

The reason it got brought up again recently was because my wife told me a couple days ago that he put his two weeks in. I joked we should throw a party but she felt bad because she feels like he quit because of her. I told her that she didn't do anything wrong and anything that happened to Dick after the party, was on him. Nothing would've happened if he just kept his mouth shut. She understands but she still feels bad. My wife is a very empathetic person, even to people who don't deserve it.

So might not be the ending some of you were hoping for but it worked out for us. We still joke around about being dragged across the room here and there but overall, everything ended the best way for us.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

O man I can see how he thought that this was tough choices. Too bad he could not have squeezed in both like some sort of comedy.

My God cant they just play stellaris or eve online if they want to do evil crap. No need to live out this kind of power trip in real-life.

I can get being anti dem. I just don't get why they waving flag of slavers in northern states when their ancestors were immigrants after civil war or fought for north. Its the same energy as nazi flag in homes were grandpa killed nazis. Like wtf? Isn't the GOP/maga flag enough?

I know several people who never crossed mason dixine line with southern accents and confederate flags. Like live we near candian border. Wtf?

I feel like it's has to be with this timeline

Ultra Olympics