this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
871 points (100.0% liked)
Greentext
5908 readers
1358 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
It's interesting how just a few instances of surprise rejection early in life can have a big effect on personality. I ended up paranoid, always assuming that no one could really like me and anyone who acted as if he or she did was just pitying me or playing some cruel prank on me that I was too socially inept to see.
It got to the point that when I went to a school dance (I didn't want to but my parents made me) and the prettiest girl in the class asked me to dance with her, I actually got upset. I couldn't believe that she sincerely wanted to. I said yes because it would have been rude to say no, but I was convinced that everybody including her was secretly laughing at me.
I only considered the possibility that she was sincere years later, when I was an adult, but even now my brain is telling me "Nah, loser, she just felt sorry for you."
It felt so weird when I got to college and started working and people were just treating me like a normal person. It took a long time for me to stop defaulting to trying to figure out what kind of trick they were playing on me. I still don't know wtf I did wrong as a child that made everyone decide I was to be ostracized.
I am currently doing my bachelor in padagogical science and I can ensure you that group dynamics and individuals position in those groups very seldom have anything to do with the individual. There are contributing factors in all personalities involved, but it more often comes down to how a group is situated in what context. Often youngh people internalise their roles and continue to act according to them in different groups. So, take it as a scientific fact that you very likey didn't do anything wrong as a child, nor had a personality trade that was the sole contribute to beeing ostracized.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I didn't have nearly the same awful relationship with rejection as you, but I had a similar experience as you did at your dance. I'm pretty introverted and rarely join social circles, for a bit of context.
When I went to college, we had a directory of everyone in the building with a picture and name (200 people, more or less). So naturally, we (roommates) picked out our favorites, yet few of us did anything about it. One roommate asked the girl out that he picked (she was my #2), and they ended up dating, and he convinced my to go to dance with him. I went, and he was late (probably making out or something), and my #1 waved me over from across the room, so I went over and talked. We ended up exchanging numbers, dating, and now she's my wife. Unfortunately, she had already applied to transfer to another school, so we dated long distance for a while before getting married, but it worked out. I still kick myself for waiting so long to ask her out, because we could have spent that time together instead of over video calls.
A bit of confidence can really go a long way, and screw all the kids who reject others in those formative years. When I see my kids do anything similar, I come down on them really hard, because I don't want my kids to be the reason other kids feel rejected.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(7 replies)
I had a similar experience in middle school. It fucking sucked.
Kid just suck.
Eh, they are a less inhibited form of adults, and a product of their upbringing.
They sense and exploit weakness for personal gain. Plenty of adults do that too. That's where they learn it from.
load more comments
(4 replies)
Kids are Reddit. If they sense weakness; the others will pile on.
One shining star will talk about the injustice of it all in the aftermath, and everyone will privately forgive themselves and conveniently forget until the next time it happens.
The solution is to be arrogant. Insist your position in their society and force your presence. If you show you have self worth, others will be forced to grudgingly acknowledge it
Kids are Reddit. If they sense weakness; the others will pile on.
I'm all for a little reddit-bashing but fucking lmao. Did they bully you on askreddit or something?
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
At camp some guys and girls were playing in a tent, I was not included.
One got out and told me I could join. I tried to and they all laughed at me. Still hurts a bit.
Anon should've showered more often
Middle school kids he mighta done nothing wrong at all. Those kids at that age are terrors and will oust people from a friend group for the dumbest reasons imaginable.
Sucks because that person may have done everything right and years later still can't trust people or open up to them.
If there is even just a chance that others wouldn't understand, let alone disapprove you associating with kid X, you can accomplish 2 things by ousting them: 1. You get rid of the potential disapproval (wich is mostly just insecurity) 2. You help an ingroup getting rid of unambiguousness, by drawing/strengthening the border to the outgroup, while with the same move placing yourself on the inside.
I work with kids, and so far I think this is the objective rationality behind most or at least many acts of cruel exclusion.
The only long term, non authoritarian solution is the kids developing a moral compass, that makes violent exclusion more important to them than short term insecurity-management and of course beeing less insecure. (Plus the "weird ones" often have fluffin interesting perspectives)
As we can see in comments like "shower more" even many adults didn't recover from the competitive-acceptance-bs other kids/their parents/ this fucked up society gave them.
load more comments
(10 replies)
Describes a lot of my childhood to be honest I was a social pariah for some reason. Completly changed when I went to college and made new friends, and now a lot of my happiest memories surround my college years. I even met my wife there!
I got a more direct case of rejection. 12yo me, at new school, 2nd week of classes, one of the girls that I thought was very pretty was asking others who they fancied. Once she came up to me, I meekly replied "You". I got a very loud and angry "I HATE YOU!" as an answer. Up to this day, more than 20 years later, I have no fucking clue to any possible why, in her mind, I deserved that reply.
You got that reply because you surprised her and her immature 12 y/o brain spat that out as the best response on short notice. It's entirely likely that response had nothing to do with you in particular.
load more comments
(6 replies)
Plot twist: Anon was at a college party where everyone else was 20+, so they didn't want to diddle him
I was at a gathering with some guy friends meeting some girls from a different school. The slightly older brother (let's call him Jay) of one of my friend's had driven us there. We were playing spin the bottle outside the apartment building. I was rejected after the bottle spun by a girl saying she didn't want to kiss me specifically. I got hurt/mad then my impulsive ADHD brain decided to get even. I saw a spigot on the floor, aimed it strait at the girl that rejected me and turned it on. More than the intended target got wet. Jay got really mad and I just ran. Once he caught up to me I thought he was going to beat me up. Instead he just laughed and told me I was going to have to leave and walk home.
load more comments
(4 replies)
When I read those, I consider myself lucky. I'm not handsome, normal sized, not athletic at all, not very sociable, closer to poor than rich, yet I never experienced any of those. Always had a few close friends and never have been single for more than 4 consecutive months since my 15th birthday. And I'm almost 40.
Is it a matter of luck? Of countries culture? Of type of schools/univ? Of social groups or generation ? I truly wonder.
load more comments
(5 replies)
Anon didn’t have the abilities to digest the situation to conclude what needs to be done to prevent this in the future.
Anon hopefully is older and wiser now.
I was anon once…
Shut yourself in and never meet people ever.
load more comments
(1 replies)
4chan is made to make people feel bad about themselves.
That's social media in general. Actually marketing is specifically designed to prey on people's insecurities.
Similar story where a University club got together at someone's apartment to stay the night, lots of previously unacquainted people in the group, after a night on the town.
Chatting, drinking, in a circle. One girl started giving the guys shoulders rubs, but went to bed when she came up to me in the circle.
Kept telling myself I dodged a bullet anyway.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Anon self pities instead of self reflecting and fails to grow because of it
I don't think that we have enough information to draw that conclusion. It is a legit horrible experience though. I can't imagine what it would be like.
I can. Been there. Couple times. My foster brother and I used to hang out with a bunch of other kids from ages 8-14, and whenever someone had a bright idea for a game like that, completely unprompted would come "but I'm not kissing Dharmacurious." Shut fucking hurt. I never asked to play those games, never tried to join in. Would try my best to excuse myself before someone suggested a game like that. I didn't have my first kiss until years and years and years after I lost my virginity, because I only ever did hookups with random strangers online, because I never felt like I was even capable of being desired in anyway other than a quick lay. Being ugly sucks. It truly, honestly does. I shower religiously, I brush my teeth (which, somehow, I still managed to get fucked in that department). Still, I send a picture online, blocked. I'm not an Incel or anything, I don't think I'm owed a damn thing, it's just the reality of the situation. I'm a fun, interesting person, with a good sense of humor, thick skin, intelligent, caring, loyal to a fault, and all the other things my shrink has helped me realize. But no one gets to know that, because there has to be some physical attraction for someone to want to get to that point. Can't fault em for that. But being a bridge troll is lonely, and it sucks. And up thread someone suggested they should shower. That's a fucked up thing to say, you don't know their life. And I know green text=fiction, but this one rings fucking true for some of us.
I'm sorry random Internet stranger. Kids are brutal and can surely crush anyone's ego without hesitation. And people telling you "to shower more" are just idiots with a nematode's mental capacity and the emotional spectrum of a black&white-tv that's out of black.
I don't know anything about your environment, but you will find that special someone. Most likely when you least expect it. With those mentioned qualities you're a steal. I, personally, would totally prefer a bridge-troll (your words) with character and true values over any empty peacock. The older i got the more obvious that became.
I hope you'll find your lady. Everyone deserves to be loved. And your chances are way better being a troll than bring rich. That's a positive hm? 😉
As a kid I was the weird one. It wasn't my physical attraction, it was just my personality. I'm adhd as fuck and maybe also autistic, so I was hyper around others and couldn't really read situations/know when to stop talking. I got excluded more times than I can count because of that stuff. These days it feels like my social "success" comes from me muting myself and not having a good time.
load more comments
(7 replies)
Agreed. I think people who blame anon for being in pain fail to see the problem with the behavior of the selfish, stupid people at the party, which is ironic.
I love that elsewhere, someone says anon should have taken more showers, then we have "stinky" with this insightful post.
I don't think it's anything more than coincidence, but it makes my brain feel good.
I can't say I've had the exact same experience, but I did get picked on by a bunch of "friends" at a birthday party. Tried to play truth or dare and I was a really honest, open kid (mostly), so when it was my turn I said, "truth" and someone asked me if I'd ever kissed a girl, and I said, "no". They decided that I had to be lying so they asked me a different question, "have I ever had a crush on a girl" to which I also said, "no". They didn't believe that either, and one of them jokingly asked, "have you (me being AMAB) ever kissed a boy?" That was coming from a kid in a really conservative Christian family, and it caught me off-guard. The truth was that no, I had never kissed a boy either, but the question made me hesitate. They lept on that.
Honestly, kids can be horrible little creatures. They learn it from their parents, all those little prejudices that the grown ups hold but hold back on to be polite or to fit into changing worlds, they get magnified in children who don't know who and what and why, only that authority figures have taught them through their actions and the words they don't even realize the kids are paying attention to.
Had something similar to this happen to me when I was about 9.
In primary school I was invited to a birthday party. We played truth or dare. A Portuguese girl in my class was dared to kiss me. She actually started crying because she really didn't want to go near me.
Not even the worst rejection I had.
view more: next ›