this post was submitted on 26 Feb 2025
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[–] [email protected] 113 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

It's more true to say that you can't find a better life if you don't continue living. But that's not a guarantee that you can.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Survivorship bias. In this case also quite literally?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

You're not wrong but fuckin hell, that's one way to put it.

[–] ReallyActuallyFrankenstein 19 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

That's the spirit!

(but you're right of course)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

Because of the way comments are ordered, I thought for a second that you were replying to the guy saying "being a ghost might be fun too"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 weeks ago

indeed, sometimes your reward for perseverance is more suffering!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

Being a ghost might be fun too. But I have no rush :)

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

I do believe this was made with best intentions but it has major "just be happy" energy and is made from a position of privilege.

Just getting a therapist for example is a huge battle. Having supportive friends is not ubiquitous. Changing jobs is risky and in certain financial circumstances almost impossible, especially with dependents.

That said I approve of the message that without living there is no possibility of things getting better. My advice is to focus on small maybe even tiny victories daily making lifestyle changes where possible.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Privilege? Risk? The guy was about to kill himself. He had nothing to lose. I see your point on kids, but barring significant hurdles (which most people don't actually have), most people motivated enough can significantly change their circumstances. They just don't want to.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 weeks ago

What do you mean with "they just don't want to"?

Quitting your job, potentially losing your shelter and food supply is a hell of a risk. Presume one actually wants to get better, they first need to be well enough to handle such a risk. Otherwise, they are homeless and suicidal: A great recipe to get well /s

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I can upload some data for you.

I have a phone call a to crisis centers who told me "you don't have a crisis" and hung up on me. I have a recording of an on-call psychiatrist tossing me out of the ER after saying "don't try making this my responsibility" after I literally said I'm afraid I'll hurt myself or others, and asked what happens if I walk out of there and toss myself under a truck. "Don try making this my responsibility." Like, my man, it's literally your legal duty ffs.

I've got photos of an isolation cell the cops put me because they denied me my prescription meds and I went a bit cuckoo from the way they treated me. (absolutely no information of rights I didn't know if I was detained or arrested or to be put in prison), and I drew over 300 words in my own blood on the walls. No-one helped. Up for three days, supposedly under supervision. The only thing I got was them cutting off my water and snide remarks bullying me on the radio.

Several dozen doctors who've just dismissed me.

Literally all of my family and friends, when I even carefully try to talk about suicidal ideation, they'll cut me off for months and months. My mom hasn't rang me for several years to ask me how I am. Yet they all pretend it's my fault and my personal failing that I'm not getting help, because every single one thinks "not my responsibility", and that includes an on-call psychiatrist I told I'm afraid of harming people.

So yeah, kindly fuck off with your victim blaming.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

"significant hurdles Which most people don't actually have"

Interesting argument against privilege... buddy, we know you've had an easy life so far, which is great for you, yet no one thinks this way due to careful observation of others.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I respectfully disagree. Its thesis is simply that you can have a better life if you stay alive. The "proof" is simply all the changes the artist went through in order to find a better life. The changes aren't supposed to be a recipe on how to make your life better - I don't think the artist is telling people to divorce their spouses. There isn't anything "just be happy" about getting a divorce.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Fair enough, I think yours is also a valid interpretation.

I just want to clarify: with "just be happy" energy, I meant the tendency of people to suggest seemingly simple fixes to others struggling with mental health. Even, if they work for oneself and even if it works statistically (for example sport is a good habit against depression), it feels like talking the problem down. But that is highly subjective of course.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 weeks ago (7 children)

Ok so if I can't afford to find even a simple therapist finding a good one lol !

Always those with money giving life advice.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

The comic reads more like "I had an intrusive thought once, and mistook it for being suicidal".

...good thing he alread had friends, a plan, and a therapist... Oh, and a lake to visit regularly at night. Smacks of privilege.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh shit blaming the victim

Now Lemmy is cooking for sure

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

At least he had alcohol! At least he had a wife to leave! At least he had suicidal thoughts! Imagine being that upset at a guy turning his life around from the brink of suicide.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

https://openpathcollective.org/ provides a long list of therapists that work on an affordable, sliding scale

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

US only and still 30$ to 70$ per session !

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago

Well ig you can find a good friend or a crack head to vent to if nothing else works out. Anyway, hope things work out for you in case you are in need of one.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

They think they have figured out some other secret other than freedom to make mistakes because they have the financial backing to make them is what sets them apart.

Life is full of people thinking that if other follow their exact steps it will work without realizing the things they have differently, such as money and resources, even just skills or biological quirks, do make quite the difference in being able to followed.

I'm not against them sharing it worked for them but that's as far as I feel it goes.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

Life is also full of people thinking that if others followed their exact steps there would be no way they could turn their life around. They're often just as wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago

There are almost always ways to get help if needed. You just have to want to find it and be willing to accept what help is given.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Just take the money from the rich. And if you are hungry eat the rich.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

Sooo.... Pushed a huge reset button on their relationships and...
I still don't get this. This kind of advice doesn't exactly work for anyone but the person speaking. No one can exactly follow the life of another as we are all completely different.

I guess the point that you have some level of free will and can make personal choices is new to some people but that isn't a fix and doesn't really resolve anything for depression.

It's trying a different tactic to handling life but it negates what was causing them misery in the first place. Which is the monotony of life itself to a degree.

This tosses all that in favor of denying finding purpose for just exploding your existence to see if you can build it new in a way that might make you happy but likely will need another reset when it stops working.

I just don't get it.

[–] [email protected] 77 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I don’t think this is advice as much as it is a story. The advice is “find a better life, whatever that life is.”

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 weeks ago

That's very much easier said than done. Aa life is often not so easy to find a better version of but more often a different version.

The advice of stay alive because at least you keep experiencing new things is good advice. Trying for better is a nice idea but a message of do what it takes to make your life "better" is... Fantasy in a way that feels off to me.

I could tell the story of the night I tried to drown myself and all that changed since then but it wouldn't be better persay. Just changed. The story would sound like meandering prose and little purpose.

I don't understand the myth of better. It causes misery more in those that do not find it.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

You're right. But if someone I care about is choosing between suicide and explode their relationships, I hope they choose explode their relationships. I'll be there when they figure out whatever is next. (I know because I have been for someone who did. I'm not delighted with how they handled things, but I'm glad I still have them.)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh I am always in favor of life. Suicide is messy, painful and leaves a lot of people with less in their life.

It's just not a solution as much as a new start point searching for something that doesn't exist and will likely lead you back to having to do it again.

People can do what they need to or want but I see no comfort for those that follow trying to get a better life. That is why I feel sad seeing people recommending it I guess.
We don't find utopia on the other side of tomorrow, just more tomorrows.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Sure. I use words that I find match more to the tone of meaning I intend to convey rather than a 1 to 1 of repeating it for the sake of repeating it.

Do you have anything to add to this other than that 2 words I used are not identical?
I'd be interested in your take on reality rather than a pedantic interjection to make it so you feel like you contributed.

Please share if you have more but I will consider using simpler prose if that's all you want to add.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

They don't have to mean the same thing, it's an expression. And quite a nice one at that.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

Lemmy people are not happy because this guy is

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago

Non-depressed Lemmy users when depressed people act depressed:

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

Misery likes company, not perspective. Fuck happiness, yeah?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

People do prefer company to being told. I lost my brother to suicide, really messed me up bad. I did some volunteer work on a suicide prevention service, and people really just want a little bit of your time in the immediate sense, and social support structure long term. Most people have this with families, but it can get really bad when that falls apart due to anything negative in that space of their life.

I know the saying is supposed to mean ''you'd rather make other people miserable than work on yourself'' but in a social sense, company works a lot better than telling someone it's not working and walking away.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Wow you weren't kidding. Bunch of depressed commenters with a mentality of "change is hard" makes you understand how they got depressed to begin with.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

I think honestly another way to put it is that pain and suffering are merely unpleasant signals intended to actually prevent you from dying. Death itself is a lovecraftian horror.

I think I'll take the unpleasant signals.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Death itself is a lovecraftian horror.

Death is what you make of it.

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