Can they add a little speaker and have it play some smooth jazz when unzipping?
this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2025
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All my zippers play Careless Whisper
Zzzzzz bow chicka bow wow zzzzzzzzzzz bow chicka bow zzzzzzzzip
Remote control zipper porn, yes!
AI instructions unclear, brass instruments coming right up
Ska intensifies
Ash fell from the sky.
Playing Smooth Jazz Funeral by Collapsed Lung
I usually do some zip-hop vinyl scratching, which my audience generally seems to have a stronger reaction to, as they'll usually do some breakdancing, drugs etc.
I was surprised they were talking about an industrial use for it. I would think this would also be a great accessibility feature.
Before being an accessibility product, the tech has to prove itself. I wouldn't want to be the guinea pig for a product that could, if malfunctions, trap me in my jacket. But, yes, once proven, this would be an amazing application of the tech.
This plus those wearable battery things that recharge with movement could be super cool. Or just plug into a wheelchair battery or something.
Also you can link it to HomeAssistant so when you unzip you can set an automation to lock your door, dim your lights, play Kenny G, and activate your touchless tissue dispenser.
I'm going to have to download an app to use my zippers, aren't I?
Yes, and you need the subscription. There's only a yearly plan.
A five year plan and the non replacable battery only lasts 3 years
At least I can unzip my pants remotely
Good heavens, a motorised zipper on my trousers that will get my amazing humongous dong out in the open when my hands are busy fondling the hordes of skimpily dressed women with questionable character.
I will buy this.
Now you just need a gunpowder powered pulley system that whips your massive dong out of your fly after the motorized zipper opens your pants.
How did you get the beans above the frank?
Frank and beans!
Arrrgh!
That the article even suggested this is testament to modern tech stupidity. It was so close to saying that if they added AI to the zipper this wouldn't happen. Anyone that uses this on a fly has what's coming to them.
Did we read the same article? The article was pretty open to the idea especially in the demonstrated environments. I also read nothing about AI...
on the fly
hehe
"Your jacket is now dry!"
That tech was supposed to be ready 10 years ago. Come on, scientists, get your act together!
Great Scott, like a breeze of warm air.
YKK exec; hey we've pretty much won the zipper market and quality brands default to us. But our social marketing teams says we need more presence in the news cycle, so how can we tank our reputation for clicks?"
YKK exec2; lets add AI to the zippers!
IDK, a zipper is pretty dangerous when I'm steering it, never mind full self driving.
PR Videos to save you a click:
Second video made some sense. Still, it's really a niche application thing.
I like the idea of automatically fastening zips in places with limited access (like the tent example in the article), but unless the failure rate is very low, you'd always need a backup fastening technique on hand
and unfortunately for them a large number of the backup applications consist entirely of “attach a string to it”
Reading the headline I thought this would be about something space related, like unfolding solar sails.
We don't need it motorized. We just need them to be of higher quality.